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Original poster

Dare I stand up for this child?

36 replies

Melaniefhappy · 24/05/2010 23:05

I witnessed a teacher 'interviewing' a five, nearly six year old child reference a potential bullying situation - the child had claimed two older children had said some unkind things and pointed at her whilst saying mean things etc etc. The fact was she was brave enough to bring it up but she possibly was less than angelic herself in the whole situation and had been mean first.

However, this does not mean appropriate behaviour should not apply subsquently. The 'interviewing' teacher concerned was the class teacher of the older, accused children. The conversation took place 10 foot away from me as I was reading with a child in school and I heard every word. It was like a police interrogation. I honestly think a 16 year old would have been in tears as the teacher repeated over and over that the older children had been told off and THEY were in tears and that the younger one had got her story mixed up several times and was clearly lying. Now, children will be children and I have no doubt that it was six of one and half a dozen of the other but I was mortified listening and didn't think to ask the teacher for a 'moment' to try to break the spell of interrogation. The teacher was clearly VERY angrey and DETERMINED to prove the child was in the wrong- now we all know that it is never completely one sided (or rarely) so due caution and calm does need to be observed.

However I am now in the throws of guilt for not stopping or intervening and feel I should take it further. The fact that the teacher had chosen a quiet spot, made the child sit on eye level with her, only three feet away and interrupted her with new questions and accusations was totally wrong. The fact that she had probably been a bit naughty was possible but no allowance was made in language or approach.

Do I dare challenge this with her in an adult manner (does she know how to do this??). Put it this way if I had heard her speaking to my child in this way we would possibly be leaving the school. I saw the child later and she was still very subdued and she is NO angel but surely I should stand up for due process and appropriate adult questioning/discussion of wrongdoing?

Who do I go to first- the teacher, the teacher of the child I saw being interrogated (who had a brief conversation with this mean teacher again within range of me. The latter was saying she had spoken with the child and dealt with it) or the head. Or do I chicken out and write a letter?

Thanks

OP posts:

Marjoriew · 25/05/2010 09:00

I wouldn't be chickening out if I were you - I would tell her to her face what you think about the way she has dealt with a small child.
How can children be expected to report bullying when a teacher herself is bullying and harassing a child like that?
If the child herself had been naughty, then that should have been dealt with as a separate issue from the other situation.
I would be questioning her ability to be around children and I certainly wouldn't want someone like that to be around any of my grandchildren and I wouldn't have tolerated it when my kids were at school.

DaisymooSteiner · 25/05/2010 09:02

I would phone the head and just say you are very concerned about a conversation you have heard and explain what you heard. Definitely wouldn't take it up with the teacher in question.

mumoffourgirls · 25/05/2010 09:06

I wouldnt chicken out either i would confront her about this and make it clear you disagree with the way she handled it and if it had of been your child she spoke to like this you would remove her from the school, then i would take it to the head also and make it clear to them how you disagree with how this child was treated

savoycabbage · 25/05/2010 09:07

Similar sort of thing has just happened at our school. My friends ds stepped in to help a younger child who was being bullied and ended up getting a kicking himself. The "bully"s teacher took my friend's ds to her classroom and pretty much told him it didn't happen and yelled at him until he agreed with her. My friend believes her son. When she went in to see the teacher the teacher said to her that he was a liar and that the older boy 'came from a good family'.

mumoffourgirls · 25/05/2010 09:09

So what they`re saying is your friends son isnt from a good family

healthymum12 · 25/05/2010 09:11

I would raise it with the head or the deputy rather than get into a confrontation with the teacher herself (ask them to keep it anonymous), if you don't want to be that formal you could speak to a head of year or your childs teacher. Especially as some time later she may be teaching your child and as she doesn't sound very nice I would hate to think how she could make their life miserable.

Fruitysunshine · 25/05/2010 09:11

This happened to me one day in front of the whole class.

I was about 7 and I got smacked in the face by a lad in break time. I was upset and told the teacher and she said she would speak to him.

Upon return from break we were all sat in front of the black board and she was stood next to it and she said in front of everyone "Now Fruity, I have spoken with XXX about what you told me and it is quite clear that you have made the whole story up. Please go and see the Assistant Head at lunchtime."

It did not help that I was already 3 years into a 6 year bout of bullying from one particular girl in my class.

Anyway I recall sitting on the floor crying after that, snivelling away as the teacher kept giving me dirty looks for crying I assume whilst some of the children whispered and pointed at me.

I hated that school. I can't decide if it was being ambushed and beaten unconscious by the girl and her gang or when they threw me down a flight of concrete steps that resulted in lifelong damage to my knee.

But kids will be kids - eh?

I would definitely take this issue further. The truth is that not every teacher is a professional and follows procedures correctly.

Just13moreyearstogo · 25/05/2010 09:12

I would speak directly to the teacher involved, but ask her when's a good time because there's something you'd like to talk to her about so she can't fob you off with 'I'm too busy' or whatever.

20 years on I still regret not standing up to a bully at a children's respite care centre I was temping at. She was shouting at and almost force-feeding a disabled child in her care - but her excuse was that she worked as a teaching assistant at the child's school, knew her well and that this is what was needed to get her to cooperate. I did nothing and I regret it to this day.

colditz · 25/05/2010 09:14

You should go to the head.

That's repulsive.

Hassled · 25/05/2010 09:15

Fruity - blimey. That's appalling. I'm sorry.

Melanie - talk to the Head, not the teacher.

Just13moreyearstogo · 25/05/2010 09:27

I just think if you go directly to the Head without speaking to the teacher concerned you escalate the issue unnecessarily. If you speak to the teacher and feel dissatisfied with the reply you can then say you feel you have no option but to speak to the Head.

mumoffourgirls · 25/05/2010 09:30

I agree with just13moreyearstogo if you go straight to the head they are going to ask if you have spoken to the teacher invovled first.

colditz · 25/05/2010 09:40

Why would you speak to the teacher involved first? Don't give her time to cook a story up. Personally I think that doing that would put the five year old girl at further risk of emotional abuse from this revolting bitch.

head teacher first.

What would you want to happen if YOUR baby had been treated this way? five is SO young.

Fruitysunshine · 25/05/2010 09:45

Agree with go and see Head first.

JaxTellersOldLady · 25/05/2010 09:46

go to the head or deputy and speak to them. If this isnt resolved to your satisfaction then put it in writing. The school have a requirement to answer (in writing) and then there is a record of it.

fruity, you poor thing. What a calous bitch that teacher was. Hope she is no longer teaching.

cakemix · 25/05/2010 09:50

Please do something. This very situation happened to me as a young child and I am scarred by it.

I know that sounds terribly dramatic, but it has had a lasting and quite damaging effect on me.

I would advise you go straight to the headteacher. Try not to feel guilty about not stopping it - you can explain to the head that you thought you were being respectful of the teacher in the classroom situation, but have since felt very bad about the way the teacher dealt with it and would like to talk about it with the head, just to make her aware of how this teacher has behaved towards such a young child.

Hope it gets sorted and you feel better about it.

Fruitysunshine · 25/05/2010 09:55

cakemix - things have not been handled correctly when an experience at school leaves a lifelong scar...

mumoffourgirls · 25/05/2010 09:57

This kind of thing has been happening in a school near me for years the teacher was there when i was at the school and is still there now my dd3 is at the school, just one specific teacher, parents have phoned the school through the years and gone to the numerous different heads about this bitch of a woman and she is still there and still doing it.. She just takes a dislike to some children and make their life hell. I dont think anyone has confronted her, its up to you what you want to do but whatever it is dont let her get away with it ... pleeeaaassse

FranSanDisco · 25/05/2010 09:58

This happened to ds before Christmas. He is yr 2 and had accused 2 yr 5 boys of bullying. The Deputy Head kept on at him until he retracted his story and then called me in to tell me how he had wasted everyones time. He told me when we got home that he was scared. He was sobbing - not like him at all. The yr 5 boys are notorious bullies but she let them off. It was just her and him in her closed office so of course he would crumble. I feel I let him down but I am ready to go in guns blazing if it happens again. Why can't children have a witness with them as an adult would do during a disciplinary process?

Fruitysunshine · 25/05/2010 10:04

Because adults also bully children but can only get away with it if it is done in secret.

stealthsquiggle · 25/05/2010 10:42

OP - go to the head. Keep it as informal as you can, but definitely have a word. I might be tempted to have a word with the shouted-at child's as well.

Marjoriew · 25/05/2010 10:52

Why should this teacher be afforded the courtesy of this being dealt with in private with the Head? She didn't afford the same courtesy to a vulnerable child.

Just13moreyearstogo · 25/05/2010 10:56

I know I'm swimming against the tide here but I really feel that If you go straight to the Head without giving the teacher any warning or right of reply she will be so busy defending herself and her reputation that the last thing she will do is give serious consideration to how she has behaved. Surely direct communication is preferable where possible.

stealthsquiggle · 25/05/2010 11:00

Majorie - you're right, she shouldn't. But OTOH, I am not clear if the OP has a child in the school. If I were in this situation and had the prospect of this bitch teacher teaching my child in the future, I would not want her to identify me as the person who got her in trouble with the head - but then I am a coward.

loonyrationalist · 25/05/2010 11:03

Speak to the head. As this teacher's line manager it is the head's role to hear the teacher's side of the story & decide on a course of action. The head also has access to any previous behaviour etc etc from this teacher & can therefore take the appropriate course of action.

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