Dare I stand up for this child?

[Melaniefhappy]

Hi

I witnessed a teacher 'interviewing' a five, nearly six year old child reference a potential bullying situation - the child had claimed two older children had said some unkind things and pointed at her whilst saying mean things etc etc. The fact was she was brave enough to bring it up but she possibly was less than angelic herself in the whole situation and had been mean first.

However, this does not mean appropriate behaviour should not apply subsquently. The 'interviewing' teacher concerned was the class teacher of the older, accused children. The conversation took place 10 foot away from me as I was reading with a child in school and I heard every word. It was like a police interrogation. I honestly think a 16 year old would have been in tears as the teacher repeated over and over that the older children had been told off and THEY were in tears and that the younger one had got her story mixed up several times and was clearly lying. Now, children will be children and I have no doubt that it was six of one and half a dozen of the other but I was mortified listening and didn't think to ask the teacher for a 'moment' to try to break the spell of interrogation. The teacher was clearly VERY angrey and DETERMINED to prove the child was in the wrong- now we all know that it is never completely one sided (or rarely) so due caution and calm does need to be observed.

However I am now in the throws of guilt for not stopping or intervening and feel I should take it further. The fact that the teacher had chosen a quiet spot, made the child sit on eye level with her, only three feet away and interrupted her with new questions and accusations was totally wrong. The fact that she had probably been a bit naughty was possible but no allowance was made in language or approach.

Do I dare challenge this with her in an adult manner (does she know how to do this??). Put it this way if I had heard her speaking to my child in this way we would possibly be leaving the school. I saw the child later and she was still very subdued and she is NO angel but surely I should stand up for due process and appropriate adult questioning/discussion of wrongdoing?

Who do I go to first- the teacher, the teacher of the child I saw being interrogated (who had a brief conversation with this mean teacher again within range of me. The latter was saying she had spoken with the child and dealt with it) or the head. Or do I chicken out and write a letter?

Thanks

I think if Melaniefhappy were acting in her position as parent, and it related to some way to her own child, then the correct thing to do would be to take up the issue with the teacher in question first before going to the head.

But she witnessed the incident in her official capacity as someone in school doing reading with the children, so it's more of a staff issue and should be raised with the teacher's manager, who is the head.

IMO, at any rate.

A child of 5 is still learning the 'do's and don'ts of school life, whereas this teacher, if she is experienced, will no doubt have dealt with this scenario many times before. She needs to understand that this is not the 50s and 60s and parents will not tolerate their children being treated in this fashion. I have a grandson who is nearly 11 and I've had custody of him since he was 2. In his first few weeks in Reception he got into a fracas with another child over a Thomas Train. I just had dropped him off and watched through the window and saw her manhandling my grandson. He had retaliated when another child took it from him first. Then I saw her pull him by the jumper. He was crying and I went straight back in and told her to unhand him immediately or I would call the police and have her charged with assault.
Her response was 'he has to learn'. I told her that he wouldn't be learning anything from her.
He has since been home educated by myself.

You need to do this professionally (are you employed by the school or a volunteer?)
If you are employed by the school, you need to make an appointment with your line manager and have the conversation in private (i.e not in the staffroom over a coffee).

The OP may have witnessed the incident in her capacity as a member of school personnel, but she is also a member of the wider society first and foremost and therefore should have intervened in an incident where a child was being clearly harassed and bullied by another adult and was unable to defend herself.

And in my experience, Heads do not alway want to lay the blame at a teacher's door because of the repercussions this may have for the school.
This teacher is clearly a bully and at the very least should be reprimanded for her behaviour.

OP is asking what she should do now. "Build a time machine, go back in time and intervene during the incident" isn't a particularly practical option.

She should inform the teacher that she disapproved of her behaviour towards the child and let her know that she intends take it further. And then take it further.

Speak to the head.

I had a similar incident where my child was involved. The head teacher was great, and there were no repercussions. If anything, I think my younger one got a bit better treatment because it was known their mum would speak to the head if it came to it.

On a side issue, I think children get treated a lot better in secondary school than primary school. This sort of thing isn't that uncommon.

Everyone,

Thanks very much for your comments and ideas. I volunteer at the school (around my work) and have two children there, hence it is tricky. Hubby has suggested I write a calm letter detailing what I saw and heard and send it to the Head. I do not wish to interact directly with the teacher responsible as quite frankly she is so forceful that if she felt able to speak in this manner to a child, it does not bode well for her restraining her thoughts with an adult. Her line manager is the only safe option I feel.

I have felt awful all day and saw the child and her mother in the playground after school today. I can't tell the mother as it is not my place but I know I would want someone tell me if our places were swapped. Not an easy call. Best left to the head.

Thanks again.

I think you have done the right thing, Melanie, in NOT mentioning this to either the family involved or the teacher directly.

The head has a duty to reply to your letter, and to deal with it in whatever way she feels appropriate. It may even result in a disciplinary procedure so by keeping things out of the realms of playground gossip you are certainly doing the right thing.

I imagine you had to sign some sort of confidentially agreement when volunteering?

There should be no repercussions whatsoever regarding your own children.

I think it would be better to speak to the Head rather than write a letter in the first instance.

Tell the Head what you saw without naming the teacher. Be reluctant to name the teacher but do so under questions from the Head teacher. It may be that this teacher has other "evidence" on his/her file of just this sort of thing and the school might be looking to remove them.

Offer to write a letter if they want you to. If the Head does encourage you to write it down it may be that she is looking to build a "case" against this person and you have done the right thing.

No one's going to like this, but i sort of think you're all overreacting without knowing the background of the incident. Yes, agree fully the teacher sounds way out of line, but you really don't know what led up to it. If you are concerned, then talk to the teacher about it. There may be more to it than you think. I think it would be wrong to go straight to the head. Always start at the lowest level and work up. I'd talk to the teacher of the child being interrogated. You could just say you couldn't help overhearing the incident and, as a parent in the school, it has been troubling you and could she please explain the incident.