DS rejected by private school

[mum71]

Sorry this is long.

DD started private school last Sept because she didn't want to go to the local state high school. She was a very insecure, shy child and the change in her has been immense. She won an award for public speaking, beating about 50 others. A year ago she couldn't speak to her teacher in front of the class.

Anyway, we've been so impressed we've tried to get our DS (9) into the same school (the age range is 3-18). He went there for the day but they've rejected him. They said he would need one to one tuition which they couldn't provide. DS did miss about 1 year of school due to illness. We knew he was behind his peers and said as much on the application form and said that we want to support him, will do whatever it takes and are open to suggestions. They've said that they would take another look at him in July.

My DS says that they have all been told that the school ethos is education for everyone and that they are not an academic school. Her teacher told her that nobody gets turned away.

So I'm really annoyed. He isn't going to be able to catch up by July. His current school has more or less written him off. He has no homework given to him apart from a reading book that changes fortnightly and extra help whilst the school are in assembly on a Friday (with 10 others).

I've made an appointment with the head of the private school for tomorrow. I just wondered if anyone has had experience of persuading a school to take your child. I'm so afraid I'm going to get all emotional at the meeting and end up crying. : (

I am not sure you can persuade the school to take him, and being emotional won't really help him or you.

Go and see the school and ask about how to help him meet their entry criteria - if that is what you want.
TBH the school know how hardthe children are pushed and taking a child who will struggle with that is not fair on him. It would be awful for him to be trailing the others.

I am not sure why your information aboutthe ducational philosophy ofthe school is coming from your DS/DD (?).
Ifthe school is popular then it is not realistic to think that no children will be rejected or they would have classes of 50.

Are you intent on this particular school for your DS or are you worried that your DS will have toleave.
Arethere no other local suitable schools for your DS - we have always looked at three or four, state and private, and chosen from those offered.

I am sorry if my questions don't make sense but I am not clear what you are asking?

What sort of education did he have the one year he was off school? How have you adressed this since? Many people get private tuition for their children either after school or on the weekend.

He might not catch up by july, but can you apply for the september intake and work really hard over summer?

Most private school let children take exams, and get offered a place upon succeeding in the exams.

A friend of mine is moving her son from his school, because the school did not accept his younger sister. Private schools can pick and chose, and can be ruthless about turning down children they dont think will perform.

No experience of this but I do have a friend whose dd was in a similar situation - the private school were actually very helpful in terms of the feedback they gave which helped the girl's parents seek appropriate help in the form of tutors, etc while she stayed in the state system.

I think if the school in question is not supposed to be selective you should push them a bit to see if they would change their mind but at the end of the day it is a private school and they most likely can reject whoever they want. In which case I would look at private tutoring for your ds with the view to preparing him for another application for Year7

Can he be considered for a year below his year group - alot of private schools are flexible about this. Depends whether it will impact you socially. Sorry if this sounds harsh if you can pay for private school why don't you pay for a private tutor for your DS so he does improve by July. I would also make an appointment with the head of the state primary to try and sort out education of your son at the school while he is still there or check out other local schools.

Sorry, yes my DD had a talk about the ethos of the school. She said that they never reject on an academic basis as they believe education for all. They could reject for behavioural reasons but they have been quite clear that this wasn't the case for DS. They said that he fitted in and his maths was good but handwriting and reading needed some work.

We did look at a few schools for DD. We settled on this one and just assumed that DS would also attend. It came as a shock when he was turned down.

I suppose I'm just disappointed that they haven't come up with a solution but rejected him outright. In fact they have used the exact same wording they I used on the application form explaining that he was behind his peers in the rejection letter.

He's happy to go back a year and have extra tuition. I thought that they would have suggested something like this.

He is so ready to learn. He missed a huge chunk of school in both year 1 and 2 and has never really caught up but his current school aren't willing to help him. I've asked for extra reading/homework but they've said they couldn't. So I've gone ahead and bought lots of books and we do a little after school each day. He's really improving and I have been shocked at some of the bad handwriting habits that he's picked up that noone at the school has thought to address. But I'm not a teacher and there's only so much I can do in the evening. And even though his reading is much more advanced than the school give him, because of the help he's getting at home, they have refused to let him skip books because it is their policy that he must read them all. Which is so annoying when he gets a new one every 2-3 weeks and it wasn't his fault that he missed school at a time when they were concentrating more on the reading.

Sorry, rant over

Not sure if this is a useful thought ... if your DS missed a year of schooling, would it be worth asking if he could enter the school a year behind his chronological age group?

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I suspect the school are being fairly realistic, even in a mixed ability independent it is hard for them to provide SEN provision unless you can afford to pay for it, the LA won't be interested. By 9 he could be at a stage where it is difficult to envisage him catching up what may already be a relatively advanced cohort without significant indvidual input. It could be more detrimental to your ds to feel pressured in that environment.

Listen to the feedback, which should highlight your ds' strengths as well as weaknesses, and perhaps ask the head to sugggest alternative schools which may be more accommodating to his needs (there may be a network he may be able to put in a word of support via) and what specifically he might need to achieve to be accepted in July. However he may be better off in the state sector where the LA has more obligations and you could push his current school more to get this.

Thank you, I got so fixated I couldn't think.

My options are:

1. talk to the private school tomorrow. Ask if they can please help by offering extra support or let him go back a year.

1. if this doesn't work find a private tutor. See if he can catch up.

He had no education for the time he missed. He was hospitalised for most of it and when he wasn't he just got lots of love and hugs at home. He's such a well-mannered sweet heart but now I'm wishing that we did more learning together, at the time I didn't care just happy he was ok.

I've gone to his current school so many times. They promise extra help but it never happens. I think that they, and especially his current teacher, just can't be arsed. Sorry but it's true.

If it is a small school and they are successful and over subscribed then they won't be able to take everyone. Maybe they didn't turn people away at one time, but they may have got to the point where they simply don't have room.
It seems to hinge on the fact that they think he would need one to one and couldn't be taught as a class. If this is the case he must be a long way behind. Could you ask if he could start in the year below?
I would make an appointment at his present school. Has he got an IEP? It sounds as if he should have one if he gets extra help. Has the school tested him? Has he special needs? If he does have an IEP you will have had to sign it-don't sign anything that you are not happy with. Push the school-don't let them get away with writing him off! Have you approached the school to support your application? Have you thought of changing schools within the state sector? Getting a tutor in addition?

I cross posted. Make an appointment to see the Head and the SENCO at his present school.

I suppose, if I'm honest, I didn't think he was that far behind. I knew he wasn't the brightest there, I've helped out at the school on occasion, so I've seen that for myself. I would say that there are others in his class that are worse. His year have 3 classes of 30 children in each. I suppose I thought they all catch up in the end.

So he doesn't have an IEP, I have no idea who the SENCO is. They've never mentioned anything apart from "he needs to work on his..." will show willing and give him a bit of homework for a week and then it stops.

I've totally failed haven't I?

You haven't failed! I had an ill DC, thankfully not for a year,and I know that you are just grateful to have them so education goes on the back burner. Now is the time to do something. Have a good chat tomorrow when you go, if there really is no room ask their advice.
I would bypass the teacher if she has been no help. Make an appointment to see the Head. Tell him/her of your experience with the private school and that you are now worried. Ask for feedback on your DS's problems. Ask them what they are going to do to help him progress. If you get nowhere start looking into other possibilies and see what is in your area, state or private.

I think the school have been honest with you about their ability to work with your son.

The idea about joining the class below is a really good one. I would be very wary of intensive tutoring to help him "catch up" - he may find he is always trying to "catch up" then throughout his school career.

Could you look at other schools also - state and private? I think it is very much horses for courses and whilst this particular school has been great for your daughter perhaps somewhere else would be better for your little boy?

I would speak to the private school and tell them that you are arranging intensive private tuition for you DS and you are confident that this will get his handwriting and reading up to scratch, and also you are going to do extra maths as well. Tell them that you also intend to maintain the private tuition if he gets a place at the private school, just to ensure that he is keeping up. Good tuition works wonders, and with good tutors and hard work I am sure he can catch up. They probably still won't take him immediately, but will look at him again in July.
I would ask them if they would allow him to start on a 6 month or 1 year trial basis, and that if he was not making it then you would move him again. I am not sure if they can do trials, but I would ask anyway.

My son was rejected from a private school last year, I was told to leave him where he was (despite the fact that he was being badly bullied) and try again in September. He's a very bright boy, they admitted that it was not because of the entrance exam. It seemed ludicrous that they wanted him to stay in a school where he was having his head rammed into a filing cabinet and balls thrown into his face.

Oh Belle, that's awful. Is everything OK now?

mum71, if he is trailing behind and you are comitted to private education then they could consider setting him back down a year - 'tis quite common in the schools my dcs are at.

you would have had more bargaining power if you had tried to get him in at exactly the same time as dd. i know lots of bright dcs who 'carry' their weaker siblings into the private system upon the basis that they 'come as a bundle'. my dd is at prep school, i didn't even bother putting ds through that as i did not think he would enjoy the constant competition. dd was the brighter pre-schooler but ds (although a bit clingy and socially awkward) has started to emerge as an undiscovered genius (dh thinks so too). we think that dd (though bright, lovely etc) will be bog-standard RG in the end but ds will be the big surprise of his social circle

Yes mum71, I found him a place in a little private school. It doesn't have anywhere near the same facilities/lessons/clubs as the one we had wanted him to go to, the work's OK but doesn't stretch him but I couldn't send him back to his old school. I'm really disappointed, the one we wanted him to go to sounded perfect, he needed to go into year 6, there's 2 different headmasters for the secondary and junior school, I'm tempted to try again but he's happy where he is so I'll leave him until he needs to leave at 13. It was really upsetting though, I do really feel for you. Could you do some extension work with him at home?

I agree with other posters that it is worth discussing the possibility of him being moved down a year and perhaps get a private tutor in the hope that he will be able to catch up and at some point in the future re-join his peers.

Good luck for your meeting today, hope it all goes well

Mum71 he has probably lost a lot of confidence as well as everything else, and before a private tutor I would suggest tutoring him yourself.

If you ask the school to reconsider in two months time I am convinced that help from you will do a great deal to "bring him up".

You might think you don't have the first idea about where to start but approach it with confidence and a plan, and look at the materials available.

Otherwise I would second the idea of dropping down a year: but how, when it's a move to secondary? I'm not sure how that would work.

Good luck.