Thought I'd wrote a letter to all other parents about why my DD has a special 1to1 teacher - what would you like to know if it was to you?

[Thomcat]

As you may know Lottie has Down's syndrome. After a lot of struggling and paperwork we now have her statmented which basically means becasue she has specail needs and can't accress her curriculum as the other children in her mainstream nursery she has a 1to1 teacher to help her.

I thougth it would be nice / polite , etc if I wrote a letter to the other parents explaining who this teacher is, why lottie has her and that I fought for this and the money comes out of the LEA, not the school etc.

I thought before I did so I would ask, that if this was the case at your son or daughters nursery/school, what would you like to know about why and how and who and what etc?

Thanks, love TC x

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Oh don't feel bad, i was just surprised that it was felt, by anyone, that I was justifying Lottie / DS etc. That was so far from what was in my mind.

Like I said, I just saw it as an opportunity to 'chat' to people about what DS means to us and how it effects Lottie. To explain to those that weren't sure about what her 1to1 teacher was , and let parents know it was ok to ask me stuff, esp if their chidren asked innocent questions they were unsure how to answer.

They are all lovely, intelligent mums with great, great kids as far as I can tell and like doing an interview about the positive side of DS I saw this as a way to talk to the mums about it, that's all. I just wondered what mumns of NT children might want to ask so I could maybe prempt some questions in the letter / info I was going to give out.

I will leave it though as if the views of the mums at school are like those on here it won't be received in the way I hoped it might, so best left.

TC x

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Tbh I don't know anything about it, other than you suggesting it, but I'll look into it, thank you.

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thomcat...don't. i thought is was a great idea. and just the sort of thing i would try to do as i think that information and communication are empowering and enabling....please dont' let this thread sway you from a really well motivated and good idea...

Oh yes of course, sorry Rickman, I know exactly what you mean, yes. I'll think about that, thank you.

Sophable - I don't know what to do now, but either way, you get the biggest thanks of all

i don't think a letter send a signal that you are justifying lottie. i think it protects lottie as it shuts the mouths of the shtheads and enables and empowers the non-shtheads to come talk to you about stuff.

sorry. should probably have left it, but that's what i think.

Well what I think is that you are one of my fav mumsnetters and that if I listen to anyone I think I'll listen to you ! Thanks Soph.
I'll draft something, see if I'm happy with it and decide what to do then, thanks for seeing that none of this was ever about my justifying anything, it's a relief tbh!

Thomcat, I think your original idea is absolutely spot on. I have read one or two letters such as you describe about children written by their mothers and displayed on the class noticeboard (admittedly the schools my dd has attended are private but I can't believe this should make a difference).

I was very pleased that the mothers in question had taken the time and trouble to educate me and the other parents - its a brilliant idea.

Only just seen this - I think it's a good idea because it means that, as Sophable (wise Sophable!) says, it gives information to those who would defend you and stops the vile people from criticising.

Nobody will think you're justifying Lottie - just write it in the same sunshiney way you write your posts on here and it will be perfect!

How are you, my dear? Has the sickness gone now?

I've got personal experience with child with DS at mainstream school. I don't think u should write a letter regarding any funding/extra teacher or whatever because it is absolutely no-one elses business, but I understand exactly why u think u should.

However, educating people about DS (or any other SN) is something to think about to dispel any preconceived ideas. Would it be better to have something written by the nursery, stating that u (as her mum) would like to explain/inform (can't think of right word) the facts. And focus on the positive - it drives me mad when u hear "won't be able to do this/that/the other." Could say that Lottie is looking forward to having lots of new friends ... etc.

I think u will find that once Lottie has settled in nursery, she will have so many friends (and children are very good at asking the questions that their parents won't) that u will be posting a thread on how to turn down invitations to tea/birthday parties soon!

Good luck!

Dear Thomcat

I have to say, through bitter experience, that the more you explain to other parents, the more ammunition you give them and their children. Not meant unkindly, but imagine this scenario which happens so regularly for us - X hit me - why did you hit Y? X says - he hit me first - teacher says - now I don't think that is right..... REMEMBER............ children are NOT Stupid......if they think they can blame the SN child - THEY WILL! ALL teachers and all parents will blame the downs child or autistic child BECAUSE they cannot verbalise or defend themselves.

REMEMBER THIS - what you do is for your child - no other buggar - and to keep predujice away, DO NOT GIVE THEM AMMUNITION to attack you with at a latter date~!

Lots of love & support Piscs (xxxxx otherwise known as longer suffering, trying to elighten too much, too soon, Asperger mum!!)

I am really annoyed with the woman who questioned the help. Did you approach her about it?

haven't read this thread so this answer might not make total sense.

I would like to get a brief letter if my child was in the class. It would make me feel I could appraach the mother of the 1 :1 child if I wanted to talk over anything.

I have a slight problem at the moment related to this. A boy in my Year 1 son's class has a 1:1 helper and my son, who isn't special needs, likes to join the boy and his helper because in ds's words '* gets Mrs X to help him with his work. It's not fair, I don't have a grown up to help me' He asks to sit with them - and does, because he is easily distracted by the other children. I worry that the other boy's mum might feel my son is hogging Mrs X's attention, when her own son needs 1:1. The mother is friendly, but I still feel a bit wary of broaching the subject.

Building relationships with other parents is definitely good for your child, so this may help on that score - but there are lots of different ways that you could do this.

Parents would mainly be worried as to whether other children would disrupt the class - but I can't imagine this will be the case with Lottie, especially if she has a 1 to 1 teacher.

Good luck to Lottie starting school - I bet she loves it!

Oh blimey, I very nearly didn't post my message, I knew I was being blunt so I really should have tried harder to word it in a nicer way.

I'm sorry if what I've said has made any descision you make difficult. That wasn't mean to happen, I'm normally a sit on the fence kinda girl, I'm really sorry.

tc, have been thinking about this. as a parent i would like to have a letter about the teacher, but nothing too indepth, just his/her name basically, and then you could add if you have any questions please approach mr/miss/mrs so-and-so.

if you added things about lottie and her ds, or where the funding came from, i would actually be very embarrassed, thinking that you were thinking i was nosy. i really really wouldnt think it was any of my business, and as i say i would be very embarrassed.

i do think you should write a letter, but just about the teacher.

there you go, hope thats ok

How about a 'hello, for those who don't know me or Lottie I just wanted to introduce myself as Lottie's mummy and let you know that I'd be happy to talk to anyone about Lottie and how you can explain to your own children why she can do some things and can't do others yet, I know it can be difficult knowing how to broach these subjects so wanted to let you know that all you need to do is jump right in there and ask " kind of thing

then there is no justification / explanation but an opening of communication lines ??

feel free to ignore (its far easier to get it wrong from a distance )

TC...I'd hold back about funding etc because I did a similar letter to the parents at J's nursery and gosh did it back fire! I left my son wide open to being the subject of many a playground gossip session. He was labelled by the other moms as being "the kid who plays up so gets a one to one" and they avoided us both because of their ignorance.

What I do think would be a good idea is if you feel the need to write a "hello and welcome this is us" letter then I would do it about all of you as a family.

This is me TC...Im mom to Lottie and I am blah bla blah....my DH is D and he is blah blah blah. Our daughter is Lottie and she is attending blah blah blah...list the wonderful thing she can do and that although she has some difficulties in some areas she is going to be supported by xxxx who is her one to one teacher that will be on hand to assist Lottie whilst at school. You could end it by saying how nice it will be to meet new moms and that as a family you are looking forward to school life.

Hope it goes well for you all.

TC - I think Jayzmummy has got it spot on (once again!).

How are you BTW JM? I have been thinking of you and hoping you are feeling OK.

I have only just seen this thread, so haven't read all of the posts in detail but think it is an excellent idea - and as for the tiny minority who may possibly take it other than in the spirit in which it was intended, do you really care what they think anyway?

I would perhaps just also leave a few leaflets with the class teacher and mention that as another information source, in case people want to read a little bit more about DS befoe they approach you in person IYKWIM.

You've helped me make up my mind as well TC, so thank you. DD is going into her mainstream reception class in September (school place finally sorted out yesterday , although no SSA appointed yet ), and I had been wondering whether something along these lines would be appropriate. I'm definitely going to do it now. I'm also thinking of offering to do a session to all of the teachig staff at one of the INSET days, just giving a brief overview of Williams Syndrome in general (as the headmistress and class teacher have already both admitted that they have never heard of it before) and who it specifically affects dd - good idea or not?

Just seen this. To be honest, I'd leave well alone. I would talk to the teacher about how she might explain to the children who will then tell their parents or the parents will speak to the teacher if you're not around.