Thought I'd wrote a letter to all other parents about why my DD has a special 1to1 teacher - what would you like to know if it was to you?

[Thomcat]

As you may know Lottie has Down's syndrome. After a lot of struggling and paperwork we now have her statmented which basically means becasue she has specail needs and can't accress her curriculum as the other children in her mainstream nursery she has a 1to1 teacher to help her.

I thougth it would be nice / polite , etc if I wrote a letter to the other parents explaining who this teacher is, why lottie has her and that I fought for this and the money comes out of the LEA, not the school etc.

I thought before I did so I would ask, that if this was the case at your son or daughters nursery/school, what would you like to know about why and how and who and what etc?

Thanks, love TC x

Hi I have a son with sn.

At his last school, the mums got together and asked for him to be removed from the class. Apaprenetly he pushed one kid once (he did do that a bit, but never actually hurt anyone). They alienated me in the playground, and he came home in tears each day. I couldnt persuade the school to do it, but I think a note home to the kids / mums explaining ( eg Sam has Aspergers, he is a really loving child and bright but when scared for example in anoisy or playground environment, can forget his manners for a few minutes. In the end I think a friend talked to the mums as she knew him and them well and once they realised it stopped.

Sorry, a different perspective, but although I dont think they should need a letter, it might just help avoid this kind of situation for you both.

Ahh PeacyClair Sorry you and your son went through that.

I'll write the letter tonight.

Thanks everyone. TC x

Gosh, it wouldn't occur to me to ask questions, TC, let alone query where the money had come from! DD2's school has a pupil with SN and she has full-time help but I've never thought twice about it - she needs the help and thankfully she gets it. I don't think you should have to explain yourself, tbh, though it's a good chance for the Head to educate others about SN.

Best wishes, whatever you decide to do.

Completely fillpant, but dont be so ridiculous. You do NOT have to explain yourself to anyone. If they had a brain they would work it out for themselves

Hi Thomcat

I think it's a lovely idea for you to write a letter. But I don't think you need to do it.

Hope Lottie is enjoying nursery.

Regards

I don't think you need to explain your daughters schooling to anyone. I hope that all goes well for you all. best wishes

Does the other child have learning difficulties Thomcat? Can't see why she would want her child to have 1-to=1 otherwise, seems a bit strange. I think its lovely of you to write the letter but you shouldn't have to. at Peachyclair at having to go through that. In think in that case its really no harm to write to parents as children with Aspergers don't look any different to other children and other mums might interpret his behaviour as naughty, if they weren't told he has SN. I used to get upset when ds1 was being pushed around in the schoolyard by another boy but when I realised he had SN I was able to explain to ds not to get upset by him. He had previously been bullied by another child so that had left me a bit sensitive on ds's behalf!

TC I think a nice letter could be good, just explaining about Lottie and the additional help she needs. TBH I don't think it is anyones business that you had to fight to get the money and that it comes form the LEA rather than the school - however I understand why you have to do this too. I would love to read a letter that perhaps helped me understand DS and what I could do to help my child understand it. IYKWIM. My dd aged 6 has a little boy in her class with ds and other problems (I think) and DD has always been acceting of Elliot in fact all the girls love him and mother him and his loves it too. He has been there for the whole time, but always in reception class as there is more help and it means all the children have got to know Elliot. Now his understnading and social skills means he has moved up with my DD into year 1 but it is awful, he is now 10 and will have to leave in a year or so. He just doesn't have the skills to cope with a mainstream 2ndary school and will go to a special school. His parents wish he could stay in the primary school as they and he love it there

I would have loved information about Elliot to explain to my dd when she has asked, as when she first told me elliot was 9, I told her not to be silly!! I didn't know him then. Then she siad things like Elliot talks funny, or he can't do XYZ and he has a special teacher I realised the situation. She has asked why and what is wrong with Elliot and I find it hard to explain, except by saying some people are different and some peoples brains grow differently. But I still have no idea how to explain DS. As a parent of an NT child I would love to know all this, so I can explain to my kids.

Am stunned that you feel a letter is needed, it has never crossed my mind why Ronnie (at DS's pre-school) is needed, beyond the fact that she obviously is and is a lovely addition to the nursery class .. has also never crossed my mind where her funding came from

maybe if you really want to you could give them examples of what to say to their kids when they ask about Lottie .. how to phrase things .. because that can be difficult to know

sounds like quite a difficult letter to write in terms of getting the tone right .. good luck

Dunno if it helps. but when explaining his AS diagnosis to ds1, I said that he should imagine brains were built out of lego, and that someone sticks in different colours here or there sometimes. All brains are the same shape, and do more or less the same things, but they are all different too.

Agree with others that this is a lovely idea but hopefully should only be necessary if you would find it useful.

Only point to add is that if I were another parent in this situation I would find it useful to be quite clear about what you wanted the letter to achieve ie is it just for satisfying people's potential nosiness/envy or for giving tips for others in similar situations (in which case I think I would think this should be the school's job) or is the letter acting as a polite prompt for parents/other children to be aware eg using the letter to say dd finds X a little difficult which is why she has a 1-to-1 teacher but would love to be invited to join in if other children are doing Y. Sorry this is very incoherent but what I mean is that you probably don't want the letter to start "hares" running or to raise questions people haven't thought of asking.

Message withdrawn

Hmmmmmm, well i still think i'll write a little something, just short and sweet and more inviting parents to ask me anything they want etc. When this other mum mentioned she'd soken to the head about it and I explained things to her, I then mentioned to Lotties teacher that I might write this letter. The mum in the queue behind me said 'ohh I'd love to read a leeter a like that, we're all nosey by nature and it would satisy peoples nosiness' or words to that effect. so I thought, right, okay then, it obviuosly does interst people and they want to know stuff so I'll do it.

I thought I'd ask you mums of NT children what you'd like to know thiking there might be a few things I wouldn't think of saying as it's all so normal having a SN child to me! I'm pleased that you all think it's nice but unnececery to do it.

I'll speak to D but think I'll drop a little line to everyone inviting them speak to me about anything they like if they ever feel the need, or if their child asks about Lottie and they are unsure of what to answer we can talk about it together first, with 2 lines about Lotties 1to1 teacher.

Rickman - re "she should be expected to be treated as all other children" - yes absolutley, I do want Lottie to be accepted the same as everyone else but as the only child in the school with SN, who is tiny compared to everyone else, doesn't talk and doesn't walk.... She's a novelty and cute and cuddly to all the other kids but kids are also natuarally invisitive etc and may well ask their parents why lottie doesn't walk/talk.

I am sorry, but dont you feel it leaves you wide open to peoples criticism? It is a lovely thought and gesture and I understand how you feel, i have been there myself with Penny. But really if she is going to mainstream and is to be treated as equal it shouldnt be necessary. Mr Joe Black doesnt write a letter about Freddie, and I dont think you need to justify yourself either.

If people have any decency about them, they understand. If the question it , it makes them look very ignorant. i really find it sickening that Peachychair had to go through her experience. But I dont want you feling you have to explain yourself

Also, sorry Rickman, re - "I think that alerting people to her special needs defeats the object really". - I don't think I'm 'alerting' anyone to the fact she doesn't walk or talk, they can all see and hear for themselves. Helping people to understand what DS means and how it effects Lottie is defeating any objects in my opinion.

I think it's a lovely idea even if it only serves to educate the other parents.

I often find that we are so involved with our own children that we forget that other people have absolutely no knowledge about specific conditions/problems so even if it was a little info about Down's syndrome, I think that would be good.

thanks Fio and I can see what you are saying and bless you babes, however I don't see how I'd be opening myself up for critism tbh.

Hate the phrase - educate the other parents.

Why? I know nothing about special needs conditions and would be very interested to understand a bit more about a classmate of either of my kids.

TC, I honestly wouldn't question it if I was in this situation (as one of the other mums I mean). If i saw that a child had one to one help I would just assume that they needed it but certainly wouldn't question it. I can't believe the silly woman that did.

It just sounds patronising - how do any of us know what other people already know - iyswim?

because some people are just arseholes, to be blunt. they get something in their head and they dont really care for other peoples feelings - even if they know the circumstances I know you mean well, and I think if it makes you feel better then it is best. i just feel a bit sad that you have to share your personal life and situation and try and justify things and Lottie is a wonderful little thing and that shouldnt be on the agenda. ignoranceof others I suppose

but if I did receive a letter like that I would be touched.

Also I should add thast I don't feel I have to explain myself, it's not that, not at all, but I just saw this as an opportunity to do a teeny bit of educating and offer to have a friendly chat to mums esp if their children ask anything they are not sure how to answer. it's ac ahnce for me to get on my soap box if you like. I really don't feel i'm 'explaining' myself of Lottie, not in that way.