Do you think this playgroup staff member was out of order...?

[QueenEagle]

I took ds3 for a preliminary visit to the playgroup he will be starting in October the other day. A comment by one of the staff about my ds has left me a bit rattled.

As I was holding ds4 at the time, she helped ds3 to wash his hands in the bowl after painting. She handed him a paper towel which he held but didn't dry his hands with it. She tried to encourage him to do it but he was really shy and just put his head down, so she dried them for him and said, "Oh, another one who has everything done for him at home, I see."

Now I find this a tad out of order. Would you have thought the same or am I being oversensitive?

It's insinuating that the child is 'pampered' and and (dare I say it) spoilt IMO - and that's not on!

what did you say to her?

I would have thought she was just making banter and think any other interpretation is being over-sensitive.

This playgroup draws children from a rough area too.

Maybe she had pmt or a row with her dh that morning, I don't know. What I do know is there is no excuse for bad manners, which I feel this was.

Try another playgroup then.

bundle - I just said, "Erm, no he doesn't actually." I then focused on telling ds what a lovely painting he had done. I wish now I had asked her (politely of course) why she said that, to see what she would have said.

I noticed too that she was telling the kids who were painting that they had to paint within the lines on the paper and saying it wasn't right when they just splodged all over it. Don't kids learn this when they are a bit older?

morningpaper, I don't want to try another playgroup. I like this playgroup. Four of the staff who work there were there 6 years ago when one of my older ds's went there. It's a brilliant playgroup. I'm not looking for an excuse to take him out of there before he's even started or to get this woman fired. Everyone else was really friendly and welcoming to both me and ds. It's just this one particular woman had a face like a smacked arse, was a bit humpity and had an air of impatience about her.

I think it's very rude and I'd be a bit pissed off actually.

Blimey, at playgroup age surely they're not expected to stay within the lines when painting? I'm with everyone who says it was quite an unkind remark to make to such a little one, she sounds thoughtless. I doubt she deliberately meant to be mean but it's a very negative remark and inappropriate imo, 'would you like me to help you with that?' would have been nicer! He's only 2 and a half!

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rude

she was out of order.

I'd be pissed off too. But I think as parents we are a little sensitive to these things.

I would be furious - and worried. If that is her attitude to a young child on his first visit to nursery, and she feels it's appropriate to make a comment like that in front of the child AND the parent, God knows what she's like the rest of the time.
For someone who is supposed to be a professional in child care, it's not on. I checked this with a reception teacher friend of mine, and she was shocked. It has nothing to do with being an overly sensitive parent.

I wasn't suggesting that QE was being over sensitive, just that we worry about things a lot.

I can understand your point of view QE, but allow me to play devil's advocate. Perhaps it was clumsy small talk. She meant to infer you're an attentive mum caring for your children. Perhaps, as a woman surrounded by toddlers all day every day and on low pay, as they are, she hasn't the time or the skills to have immaculate and sensitive manners to every single doting parent. I speak as one who has spent several exhausting days helping out at the local pre-school. I think these women are amazing and don't get nearly enough respect (not to mention money) for the work they do. We can't expect them to be like parents to our kids.

Some people have a really negative attitude to life and from what you've said, this lady had one, at least on the day of your visit. I would be wary - not about leaving your DS there, as the whole set-up sounds good - but of this member of staff in particular. If you do have grounds for further concern, and no, I don't think you are overreacting, note them down and either speak to her directly, if you are a very brave and direct sort of person, or to her line-manager. Hopefully, it is a one-off. Did he enjoy himself?

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Having come down on your side QE, I have to say I that Spidermama's post has reminded me of when I taught Y1.

Some parents would get very upset at the end of the day if their child's shoelaces were undone and expected me to have tied them. I had to constantly explain that with 31 in a class this would take me all day and that until they can do their own, buy them velcro!

So, perhaps she was just exhausted at drying everyones hands. Still a little insensitive but forgivable.

Low pay may not excuse bad attitude, Socci, but it doesn't help you feel appreciated in your work. I also think this woman is being very harshly judged on one, slightly clumsy, comment. Anyone would think she'd ... well ... done something far worse.

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Agree with Socci. Attitude is so important when dealing with small children. It sounds like this particular woman should not be working with 2 and a half year olds if that is her attitude to them and their parents. Crikey - she was only having to help dry his hands - wouldn't most of us do that for a young child without even thinking about it?

Then it would perhaps be easier for you to find another playgroup than for her to find another job. Unless, or course, there are lots more complaints about this woman. Another option is to go and help out at the playgroup to see first hand the broader picture. Then the remark can be put in context.