Two thirds off fees but still not sure

[discountmum]

Hi, just wondered if anyone had any thoughts about a school dilemma.

I've been offered an admin job at a public school, which comes with an impressive two thirds fee discount. It's still a very expensive school, though, and I'm worried not only that we will still struggle to find the fees but that if I lost my job for any reason we'd have to pull all the children out straight away which is a bit of an oppressive worry for the next 15 years or so.

Also, it's mainly a boarding school, with quite a few overseas pupils, so I'm a bit worried that my children wouldn't have a decent pool of local friends friends to choose from. Plus my worries about them feeling like the "poor relations" amongst their very wealthy school friends and developing life long inadequacy issues.

On top of this, my own salary would be low and all of it would be used to make up the fees shortfall, meaning no way to save for my own pension etc, which my children might not thank me for later.

I'm in a bit of a quandry about it, as it's a once in a lifetime opportunity for my children to get a fabulous education in beautiful surroundings but there are drawbacks. If I don't go for it, we are faced with complications and uncertainties to do with grammar schools etc (no obvious good local comprehensive).

Any thoughts?

I understand totally about anxiety around whether or not it is going to be affordable for the forseeable future. Only you can make that choice and I wish you luck in making it. I'd worry a bit about the lack of a pension.

The only other perspective I can offer you is that I attended a boarding school as one of a minority of day pupils and you didn't feel as much part of the community. It does make a difference and you do feel a bit left out. I was able to board in the sixth form and it was much more fun then.

Thanks both of you.

There is an outstanding comprehensive nearby, which we could use as a fall back if we bought within the catchment. It actually gives the boarding school a run for its money academically (with a saving of about £25,000 pa!!) but I worry that we may become "corrupted" by the lakes, lawns and Elizabethan grandeur etc. It might seem like a bit of a climb down. On the plus side they would have lots of local friends there. One plan could be private until 11, then grammar if they were bright enough and comp as a fall back if financially impossible. I hope this doesn't sound arrogant or patronising as places at the comp are prized.

Moid, your description sounds very like some of our boarding school friends, especially the pack mentality. I guess if your cousins boarded, though, they were a real part of the school community whereas mine might not feel this way as day pupils.

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I would agree about the being a day pupil in a predominantly boarding school would be more of an isse that the comparative wealth. However, if you have real concerns about affordability, then would not do it. One of my Dc is a at a school with seriously rich parents, and although the school does give bursaries to needy families the extras like school trips are eye-watering too, so you need factor those is as well.

Hi - we had exactly the same issue, as did a very close friend. Dh teaches at a large traditional independant senior school and we had to choose whether to send our ds (and the rest!) to the prep school, then the senior. DS (sensitive lad) was very happy at his local primary, outstanding ofstead and just lovely all round. We changed our mind continuously for 2 years but in the end went for it. The first year was hard as he struggled with settling in (not a surprise as he took a long time at the previous school too) He is now in his 2nd yr there and is LOVING every minute of it - the sport is the main plus, academically he is blossoming, becoming more confident and he has never and I have never ever been made to feel any different because we are not millionaires. There is such a diverse mix of people and cultures it's fabulous - everything from the vastly wealthy to ordinary families who are foregoing every possible item to be able to afford it. Once my dds go there too I have to work - no choice in the matter and that is the choice we've made. I don't and my friend doesn't regret it for an instant. Are you talking about a senior school or prep? I ask only because the fees for the senior school are double that of the prep for us! Good luck x

I know of people who went to Eton because their father was a master there. Financially there is no way they could compete with their peers but they had an education that set them up for life. Ime the truly wealthy wouldn't bat an eyelid and the (less wealthy) ones that would aren't worth the bother. Make the decision on what is right for your children not how you think others will perceive them.

It would be starting in the prep, but because I'm a natural born pessimist I have based my calculations on the cost of the senior school, and have also mentally factored in an extra 10% on top for all the extras.

It sounds like your situation is working really well namechange, both you and your son getting a lot out of it, which is obviously what I would hope for.

I do agree with your comment Mollie, about the most important consideration being what is right for our children not other people. In terms of education, I am sure this school would give them great benefits. However, what is best for them may not be best for us re pensions etc.

Anyway, no one can make the decision for me (sadly!) so will mull over the posts and give it all a lot of thought. Thanks again for all your helpful comments.

I think that unless it's somewhere you'd want to send them regardless of the discount, then it's too much of an upheaval all round

If you were saying "it's fantastic, it's my dream school" then I'd say go for it ... but you're not, which I think speaks volumes ...

discountmum did you decide ???

mummydoc, thanks for asking. I am still uncertain, but have until Christmas to decide.
Having looked round the school as a parent, I was very impressed and fears about being the poor relation have diminished as it didn't seem pretentious. There is just so much on offer for the children, I would really love to send them there if I could.
My main worry by far now is simply long term affordability. The thought of struggling to find the fees and the extras every term for 15 years fills me with dread (I could make the sacrifices to do it, but DH isn't great at budgeting). On the other hand, the non grammar options at secondary level where we are make me think we'd be paying out later on down the line anyway but without the discount!
My other worry is being tied to a job which doesn't give me any extra personal money or pension, but which simply gets put straight back into school fees.
Not an easy one at all.

does the school offer any scholarships ? one arguement i made to dh when dd1 was just starting school was that if we paid out now she was more likely to be set up for a scholarship at 11 or 13 , rather than sending her to our village school and then paying out for tutors etc to get her ready for entrance exams at 11. i will get flammed for this but i know that being at her prep school will get her set up and ready for scholarship exams far and away better than he village school would. my dd1 has been found to be very talented vocally and musically and is heading for a good music scholarship at our chosen secondary school thus saving hopefully 40% on the fees.

It's a hard one.

IIWY I wouldn't worry about the 'poor relation' thing - and not too much about extras. My DBs and I went through private schools which my parents could only just afford with the help of scholarships and/or staff discounts. It never occurred to us to even ask about ski trips, etc, etc as they were clearly out of the question and none of us feels we were 'deprived' vs. our peers at all. There will be costs of uniform, sports kit etc but most schools have a grown-up approach to second hand uniform (and uniform which is ludicrously expensive in the first place does last longer and can easily go through 3 or 4 DC in a wearable state).

The majority boarding thing would worry me more, but there is likely to be a reasonable core of "staff brats" (my phrase, since I was one) who don't board - and the long days would be countered by the fact that the DC would be doing everything in school which you might otherwise spend your life chauffering them around for after school (sports, etc).

Good Luck, whatever you decide. Is there any chance of eventual promotion within the school which would ease the financial decision?

Yes, they do seem to offer quite a few scholorships but not sure if they would be happy about giving us one on top of the fees reduction. I'm not sure that we could rely on this- it would more be a fantastic bonus.

The thought of having all the extras (sports, music etc) all in one place rather than our present system of ferrying the children around is very appealing. As for moving up the school, I guess this would be possible, although at the moment I am thinking more about what would happen in the other direction!

It's good to read the other threads on here where people are questioning if they can afford it, is it worth it etc.