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Original poster

What do you want your child to get out of school?

70 replies

Bucharest · 12/09/2009 15:04

Having spoken to 5 different mothers this morning (our smalls all start primary for the first time next week) I'm beginning to feel like a weirdo.

Obviously I hope she does well, but for me, well, I just want her to enjoy the whole experience of school....learning new stuff, making new friends.....The others were all looking at me in that Planet Zog kind of way, "ooooooooh, but the teacher is sooooo important, how the teacher makes the children learn, how strict they are....." (to the point that one of them has insisted on her PFB changing teacher (already) as the one he was going to has a Jamie Oliver lithp (and she is worried that her son might pick it up.)

We were talking about doing extra stuff after school, swimming and the like and they were all "oooooooh, you can't do anything in the first year as they are too distracted by their homework and getting used to the regime of school."

Tell me I'm normal to think that a nice swim after school isn't going to destroy my daughter's career chances???

OP posts:
slowreadingprogress · 13/09/2009 17:30

oops achieve not acheive....and to think, I went to uni

BonsoirAnna · 13/09/2009 17:37

No she wasn't - she listed the skills that some students had and seemed surprised that not all of them had them. There is an easy explanation for this, and it isn't lack of common sense!

Tavvy · 13/09/2009 17:50

Parental status anxiety - that's what I was thinking when I wrote that last post. So glad there are some nice normal parents out there who are realistic. It's easy to lose perspective when you don't meet any. I always use the phrase when I'm being interviewed - fulfill their potential whatever that may be and grow up to be a healthy, happy, confident child. Every child has potential - being pushy about it in my opinion decreases it however and I've seen children ruined and even die as a result of the enormous pressure placed upon them.
I personally think it's misguided lunacy but each to their own.

slowreadingprogress · 13/09/2009 19:20

i didn't see a list of skills anna I saw an example of the students having to think about what to get to achieve an end point, i really don't see how you can say that was a list of skills, really not. That's just not what she said. I'm very happy to be wrong and will admit where I am but list me the skills she listed? Going to get paint, rollers etc is not a skill

cory · 13/09/2009 20:06

I think in my previous posts I stressed the social skills a bit extra because I feel fairly confident that I could provide dcs with a very good academic experience at home.

But what I cannot do (particularly not without a car and when all the other kids around here go to school) is to provide a pool of a couple of hundred odd potential mates. That's where school has the edge on me. And that is something my dcs really do enjoy.

cory · 13/09/2009 20:16

Most of the time I don't see school as doing something different to me though, or having a different agenda. At home they play with other children and talk to adults about interesting things: I would have hoped that's what they do at school too

chipmonkey · 13/09/2009 20:27

chicken pox. It's so much worse if you catch it as an adult.

lucykate · 13/09/2009 20:29

"If you have never seen your parents paint the house, why would you have acquired those skills?"

is it too much to hope that a 21 year old art student would at least have a tiny idea of how to go about painting a wall white?

cat64 · 13/09/2009 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thedolly · 13/09/2009 21:07

I though that maybe the students with blank looks on their faces were waiting for the paint and paint brushes to materialise.

It seems odd to me that they were expected to go and buy their own.

thedolly · 13/09/2009 21:12

Oops, forgot to add...

I want my children to build on their desire to learn new things, to be exposed to new ideas and ways of thinking (that aren't mine) and I want them to find their place. By that I mean that I want them to know that different people have different talents/abilities, strengths/weaknesses, passions and ideals.

Not much then.

choosyfloosy · 13/09/2009 21:24

I want ds -
to acquire schoolfriends who will be surrogate brothers and sisters
to be happy and excited every single day at school
to be the most popular person at school
to be the teachers' favourite child, without this affecting his popularity
to be so awesomely talented at everything that the teachers contact me to make sure I understand how exceptional he is, and enter him for an international 5-year-olds award
to develop a burning passion for 1 or more subjects/topics/skills which he pursues throughout life

It's frightening to realise all this crap is in my head, but it IS. I'm so glad I'm not ds's teacher and having to deal with me as a parent. Also tbh it is a good thing that I have no money, or I would be just like the parents Tavvy describes.

lucykate · 13/09/2009 21:29

thedolly - unfortunately, students are expected to provide most things themselves nowadays.

perhaps the painting thing wasn't the best example. but given that there is a big clue in the question as to what they might have needed in order to do it (can you paint the wall white please?), it was the first that sprang to mind.

anyway, back to the op's question, no, a nice swim after school is not going to destroy your dd's career chances . i think in reception, distractions from school are a good thing, at that age it should still all be about having fun whilst learning. my ds has just started school, he can't write, can't read, and thinks he's there to make songs up about poo all day!

cory · 13/09/2009 22:44

even by the time your ds is revising for A-levels I would have thought a swim at the end of the schoolday is exactly what his tutor would recommend

lol at choosyfloosy

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 14/09/2009 08:11

I'm not sure common sense is developed by school (re the paint thing). Thats what parents are for?
FIL is a university lecturer and he despiars of 18 yo's waiting to be told what to do when studying for a degree usually requires self motivated learners.

Litchick · 14/09/2009 11:36

I want DCs to enjoy school, both the social side of it and the academic side.
I want every day to be full of new challenges and fun.
And I want it all in an environment where the very best is expected of everyone.
I want good teachers who are respected for the fab job they do and know they are respected.
Oh and I want lots of green space and sports every day.

mumblechum · 14/09/2009 11:38

12 A at GCSE, 4A at A level.

Oh, ok, and for him to be a nice, friendly, balanced, sociable and helpful person.

But mainly the A*s.

Original poster
Bucharest · 14/09/2009 12:03

mumble- don't they all get that these days anyway?

Thanks everyone for input....interesting about the common sense thing- I am a bit academic and have none, zero, zilch. My mother remains convinced I shouldn't be living in the community on my own but should have some kind of full-time help to make sure I don't electrecute/gas/drown myself.

Have decided am not going to talk to any more mummies (latest conversation revolved around how friendships aren't important, indeed how it's probably best if your child is a Billy-no-Mates as they then get better exam results......WTF???)

OP posts:
fiercebadrabbit · 14/09/2009 20:30

bucharest what kind of school does your dc attend?

tavvy "even die"? Please do expand ...

mumblechum pmsl

The more I hear about schools, the more I despair. Are there any which aren't either Asbo breeding grounds or hothouses? I want something in between but round our parts - ~SW London - they don't seem to exist

francagoestohollywood · 14/09/2009 20:44

Bucharest, you must be mixing with a bunch of weirdos!!!

I think most parents I know want their children to enjoy the whole experience and to develop some curiosity to learn one thing or another.
Yes, teachers are important, as you always hope your dc will have those who "teach" them some love for learning, a method to study and inspire them.

By all means go for swimming classes or anything that takes your dd's fancy.

ZZZenAgain · 14/09/2009 20:50

do you think this is maybe not the right school Bucharest?

Quattrocento · 14/09/2009 22:02

Mumblechum - I see you are more ambitious for yours than I am for mine. Not to be outdone, I have told the DCs that they have to buck their ideas up and get 12 A*s and not to bother with any As.

UnquietDad · 14/09/2009 22:10

Love of learning and independent thought - not requiring spoon-feeding.

Social skills and good friends.

Happy memories.

That's about it really. My school was great academically but I don't look back on my school days with any particular fondness. I was once stuck on a train between Leeds and Sheffield and was earwigging a conversation between 5 or 6 young people, some of whom overlapped at local schools at certain times. It was obvious from what they were saying that, for this crowd, school had been an unforgettable time which they looked back on with wistful pleasure: it was all about having fun, being with your mates, and teachers' funny habits that they all remembered. I felt a little pang, not just because I am now so far from "home" and know nobody else in this city who went to my school, but also because I just don't have that kind of memories.

Tavvy · 15/09/2009 07:31

fiercebadrabbit (love the name)
Sorry. Background in drama shows itself everywhere but it's true.
When you work as a nanny and in education you see a lot and have also worked in child and adolescent mental health and have seen (usually girls but now always) commit suicide and die from anorexia. Some there were other reasons in addition but I could pick a handful where the pressure placed upon them through schools and parents was actually the reason. Some it was self harm gone wrong. The one thing they all had in common was they were fantastically bright, lovely girls with absolutely everything to live for and they all had extremely ambitious parents. Nothing wrong with wanting the best for ones children but I've seen where it can lead. It can be extremely toxic. The other thing all those girls had in common was they had absolutely no sense of self whatsoever and the parents did not want them to develop one. In my opinion that is not a healthy way of raising children. Maybe I just have seen too much of the dark side so I look for it now.
I think most parents genuinely believe they are doing the best thing and it's so easy to get swept along with them. My point Bucharest is stick with your own beliefs and instincts with regards to your daughter. Do not be pressured into doing anything you don't think is right for her. That is one thing some of the parents of those girls came to regret.

cory · 15/09/2009 08:01

I saw something similar to Tavvy when I spent a few months at a private school. Lovely supportive place, but some girls struggled with a sense of I-have-to-succeed-because-Daddy-is-paying/expects-me-to/has-put-so-much-into-my-education

funnily enough, surreptitiously chucking up in the loo every half hour is not the greatest way to academic success

my parents lived and breathed education, but it was a sort of hedonistic attitude towards learning: I'm going to read this book because it's fun, let's go and listen to this music because it's beautiful, I want to learn Japanese to see how it works

and they managed to react graciously when two of their children chose not to go down the academic route at all: one dropped out of university and the other never went

they are proud of us all

that's what I want for dcs