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Original poster

How do we feel that private school kids fill Russell Group Unis?.... Controversial alert.

482 replies

faraday · 03/07/2009 21:00

Yet I am increasingly finding that most of the people I know who have chosen private have done so because their DC just couldn't cope either socially or keep up academically in the local state schools (or a mixture of both!)- so they're individually hand-held, spoon-fed and tutored in the private sector- then emerge ready to grab those limited places from perhaps more clever but marginally less 'graded up' state school kids?

OP posts:
violethill · 09/07/2009 18:48

hear hear flatcap!

violethill · 10/07/2009 20:13

Quite apart from the state/private debate, is anyone else rather surprised,as I am, at the number of MNers who feel the need to publicise their children's exam results, telling the rest of us how wonderful they are? I'm going to break with tradition here, and not tell you my dd's GCSE or AS results. They are ger achievements, not mine. People who seek approbation through their children's achievements are probably making up for some deficiency of their own

violethill · 10/07/2009 20:14

whoops her achievements! Of course!

fembear · 10/07/2009 22:20

Perhaps they are burting with pride and want to tell someone but daren't say anything in RL because they know they will get a sour response. So they come on here to share their good news in anonymity. Except that they can't even do that now because you have decided to stake out the moral high ground ...

Horton · 10/07/2009 23:08

Why shouldn't they? Aren't all children wonderful in some way and if they've achieved something good why on earth not tell people?

Sadly, flatcap, good education seems more prevalent in the private sector than the state sector (and I speak as someone who will be sending her children to state schools).

violethill · 10/07/2009 23:50

I never said all children aren't wonderful.I said it's a little odd that some people seem to seek approbation through telling strangers their children's achievements.

BonsoirAnna · 11/07/2009 07:08

I think it is immensely sad when people feel unable to show off their children's achievements because of other people's unpleasant - dare I say envious - reactions. I love hearing about my friends' and acquaintances' childrens' successes: the French bac results came out last week and we have been calling all our friends (from our holidays) to congratulate them on their children's success!

violethill · 11/07/2009 17:11

Good for you then anna! I'd be enjoying my holiday and letting my children share their success with whoever they wanted to!

scienceteacher · 11/07/2009 17:18

I think the success sharing is a great double standard on Mumsnet. It is fine to share state school successes but not private school ones.

I distinctly remember GCSE results day last year on here. Lot's of high fives to state school parents for their offsprings string of Bs, but my DSs success was largely ignored...

/sniff but

scienceteacher · 11/07/2009 17:20

excuse the missing apostrophe in my last post.

violethill · 11/07/2009 17:23

ROFL at strings of Bs.

lazymumofteenagesons · 11/07/2009 18:01

I wanted to shout from the rooftops when DS1's GCSE results came out last year I was so proud. Yes, he goes to a very good private school, but he worked bloody hard to get those results and was well rewarded with a nigh on perfect set of results.
However, I couldn't tell most people until they brought the subject up themeselves in case they thought I was boasting. Then there was the problem of other mothers thinking I wanted to tell them so that I could find out their child's results and compare.
The result was I just kept quiet and it looked like I didn't care.

violethill · 11/07/2009 18:05

I think it's very sad to think that it looks like you 'don't care' just because you don't broadcast your children's exam results. Of course it doesn't mean you don't care! I cared very much about how my dd did in her exams, and I made it very clear to her that I was proud and happy for her etc, but the business of deciding who to tell was hers : her achievement, her news. I did my exams years ago - that was my achievement!

callmemrs · 11/07/2009 18:17

Surely a lot depends on how you tell the news. I was very proud and pleased with my ds's exam results last year and definately wanted to tell my friends. On the other hand, there are some mothers who boast about their kids achievements from the day they're born, but you get to know who they are and just let it wash over! I think most people can tell the difference between being genuinely pleased and happy for your child, and somehow trying to get the reflected glory?

'I distinctly remember GCSE results day last year on here. Lot's of high fives to state school parents for their offsprings string of Bs, but my DSs success was largely ignored...'

I too chuckled at this, for some reason it conjured up a picture of a string of letter B's, flapping little wings like bumble bees! But of course, it's a rather pathetic thinly veiled attempt to put down state schools yet again. ScienceTeacher - your contempt for 93% of the nations's children knows no bounds!

Horton · 12/07/2009 00:32

I think if you've brought up a child who is hardworking, focused and has achieved something good then you have every right to boast as much as you like. So many children don't work hard and don't achieve what they could. Frankly, in 14 years time, I hope to be boasting all over the shop.

fembear · 12/07/2009 11:15

Thinking about it, violethill's comment has made me quite cross. Isn't it typical of a teacher to write such disparaging things about parents.

violethill · 12/07/2009 11:35

Well there's a prejudiced viewpoint fembear!

I am certainly not being disparaging about most parents. IME most parents don't post on public forums about their children's exam results! I just think it's a bit of an odd thing to do. Of course, people in the family/godparents etc will want to know, but even in those cases, I left it to my dd to share her news, precisely because it's her news, her achievement, not mine! We're talking about GCSEs upwards here, ie: young people of 16, 18 or older. They aren't toddlers who've just won first prize in the egg and spoon race! They are adults, or almost adults!

I also stand by my point that some parents who do this are seeking approbation through their children's achievements, which sadly, sometimes does indicate a lack of achievement in their own life.

fembear · 12/07/2009 11:42

Or are you, as a teacher, jealous because you think that someone is stealing the approbation that is due to you?

violethill · 12/07/2009 11:53

fembear - part of the performance management process for any teacher in the state system is the examiniation results for their classes. Following any exams, a report is generated which gives a break down for each student, showing value added, or negative values. I certainly don't think any teacher sees it in terms of 'stealing approbation' - what a bizarre concept!!

fembear · 12/07/2009 12:45

I find it equally bizarre that you should feel the need to comment, just before the results season, snidy remarks about "MNers who feel the need to publicise their children's exam result". Perhaps you don't care about others MNers but I would like to know, after years of reading their posts, how others' DC have got on.
It's not very empathetic of you.

violethill · 12/07/2009 12:55

I have online friends who I've chatted to for several years and if they want to email me about their children's results then that's up to them! I still wouldn't do it for my own children, as it's up to them who they want to tell their news to. That's very different to posting on a public forum!

Oh and btw it's got nothing to do with 'not caring' about how friends children have got on. As I said, when we're talking about people we know, it's absolutely natural to care. But MN is an anonymous public forum!

fembear · 12/07/2009 13:10

MN may be anonymous but there are real people behind most postings. Some people may be hairy-handed truckers or trolls but if someone has been posting consistent information for several years about their DC then I take them at face value.
If you are not interested in their lives then why on earth are you wasting time posting here?

scienceteacher · 12/07/2009 13:15

Come back in August and you will see a bit of a bragfest here about examination successes.

This is an anonymous forum for the majority of members here, so posting examination results is not that much of a violation of privacy - no one knows who the DCs are either!

I think that this is a fine place to discuss results, given that it is frowned upon in the coffee morning circuit.

I am quite amazed by your attitude, Violet. I really don't get it at all. I think it is sad that you can't share the celebration with mums who have supported their DCs through the years and nagged encouraged them to do their very best (whatever the result).

I am also dismayed that you feel the need to look down on those who have different values to you, or who express their emotions more openly.

violethill · 12/07/2009 13:18

People post on MN for a variety of reasons, probably the main one being to debate a wide range of issues which are broadly connected to parenting. It's perfectly possible to be interested in the issues, rather than feeling the need to know details of the lives of some posters children. I do actually have personal contact with a small number of MNers, and we email eachother, so if I wanted to share personal infomation with them I'd use personal email.
And I don't think debating issues is a 'waste of time' as you put it, at all. MN is a public forum and open to all.

RustyBear · 12/07/2009 13:40

Well, as someone who has 'publicised' her children's results on this very thread, you presumably mean me, violethill

I did try to disguise my boasting put DS's 2:1 from a Russell Group University (oops, there I go again) into context, in that he was a state school pupil who not only got in to a RG university, but encountered more state school pupils than private there, and proved successful in getting a good degree.

However, it was a pretty flimsy device & you've obviously seen through me; it was shameless appropriation of my child's achievements, probably due to the fact that my own 2:1 at Exeter was not from a Russell Group university. (Of course, the Russell Group didn't even exist when I graduated in 1977....)