private or state: how did you decide?

[marialuisa]

We're in the fortunate position of being able to pay for DD to go private, but we're really unsure whether we should.
Our local primary is dire but there is a strong possibility that DD would get into the neighbouring parish school (we're R.C.) At the moment this school has class sizes of 22, nice "feel", good academically etc. However a new housing estate on the way which will push up class numbers and reduce the chance of DD getting a place.

We have looked around and found that if we want DD to go private we should put her name down now for nursery class in January. Thing is I've not thought that any of the schools were particularly fantastic, indeed been quite horrified in some...

So, do we risk it and stick with the state system or put in the private nursery and perhaps move her if the state school is still ok when it's time for her to go there? An added pressure is that we live in a county with the 11+ and people tend to pay to make sure kids get into the grammars as the alternatives are not great!

So, sorry this is so long, but would like to know how other people decided....

Or perhaps that should have said "inside the yurt p**sing out"!..

class posturing KS? so unlike your "I lived in't middle of t'road so i have right to be elitist " stance.

Thank you Griffy, my views were pretty fully formed before i entered this thread. we made decision re schools about three years ago. And also i wouldn t have been permitted to write about this for a national newspaper unless there was a topical hook or two which there were (Ofstead criticising private schools and also report in Times on fees) so whilst i read all your views with interest - and it all made me realise what a hot potato private Vs state is, i didn t plagiarise anyone.

Batters: no i don t see the need to credit Mumsnet. basically coming on here was no different to having a converation at a bus stop or with friends or at a party or all the other different places you hear things worth writing about.

as you are such a prolific poster, i assume you are a frustrated journalist yourself which explains your resentment and jealousy.

And yes, I write for Junior sometimes and also work for Junior Pregnancy & Baby big deal. it is the most intelligent mag on that subject. the posh clothes are in there because otherwise it would have no advertising and be insustainable.

and KS, i am not even a teeny bit cross with life. if i knew how to post a smiley face i would do so.

i am just worried and saddened and tired with the way people think they can buy their way out of engaging with the rest of the world in many different ways: driving everywhere not public transport, private schools, gyms, health care etc etc. it is divisive, snobbish, dangerous and plain damn selfish.

I only found this thread today so my choicers for school are:

crap state school literally round the corner
good COE school within walking distance but will require pretending to be religious

2 good state schools 5 minutes drive, which is very unlikely they'll accept us because of distance

small private school also 5 minutes drive.

Ifg i could I'd send dd to a state school. wher I come from this isn't an issue ALL schools are state and private ones usually cater for rich stupid kids who fail at the state ones.

But my local state won't accept dd because we don't go to church, isn't this VERY unfair? ans snobbish and divisive to use badmamma's words?

Which one of my principles am I going to compromise? my support to state school, or my atheism? Or dd's future? Whatever we choose it will not be at detriment of dd's future.

Badmamma it must be very difficult for you to abide by your principles all the time, I really don't know how you can do it, I find mine challenged every day since I had dd.

badmamma- but do you really think that people are morally corrupt for accessing private health for their child when they have no other option. And I don't mean they would have to wait a bit longer- I mean they have no other option? Their child would not get treatment if they did not pay for it. I just don't see how that makes me "divisive, snobbish, dangerous and plain damm selfish".

And before ask about those who can't pay- most (not all) of the services I have paid for, although in the private sector try to accomodate low incme families for free or at reduced rates.

I don't agree that "basically coming on here was no different to having a converation at a bus stop..." since a bus stop etc is not a venture trying to make enough money to stay afloat. A mention would have been nice. Or was it because by mentioning mumsnet you may have been "found out" by friends

I also feel a wee bit uncomfortable finding out that I've been "talking to a journalist" as it were without knowing it. Or rather someone with their journalist's hat on rather than just another mumsnetter. On the other hand, no one's been quoted that I can see. It would have been polite to at least say before the column appeared that you were writing it.

Anyway, what's done is done. There's no point flinging personal remarks and insults about.

And Badmamma- you have to expect some stick if you write so strongly about class divisions and then write for Junior magazine!!!! Come on!! If that's not a reflection of a divided society then what is. And not just the advertising - the articles. I make no pretence that I am settled in comfortable middle-class suburbia, but even I read some of those articles and feel a little disturbed.

I may be able to afford some private SALT for my son, but I certainly can't afford a pair of shoes advertised in Junior.

Badmamma is there any other topic you'd like us to research for you?

rolls up sleeves Right....

JimJams: no i think you are completely in your right to buy any care for your child the state will not provide. I m sure i would do the same.

In all of this, I am not pretending to be pure as pure. I just think - as i wrote in the piece - people should give the state option a bigger consideration. People who can afford to buy their way into exclusivity should not always do so, they should think of the wider society in which they live.

Funding alone isn t enough. Middle class people have to be involved. Because if you want to bring it back to selfish concerns: if state schools are crap, more young people will be alienated, turn to crime and burgle your suburban semis.

SoupDragon: journalists are ordinary people, you know, with kids and husbands. We don t bite. Actually i just had my mum hat on when i put in my comments. i didn t decide what i was going to write about until Thursday morning.

Please point out one thing I wrote which was taken from anyone else s posting but my own. Or, Cos, any item of research you did for me.

Also Mumsnetters are always moaning that no one portrays your views, the media is biassed etc. But when we do take a little notice, you get all sniffy and territorial!

This is an open public forum for goodness sake, I haven t been bugging your homes.

Erm (puts hand up tentatively) I did clarify myself by saying "someone with their journalists hat on" because of course I realise journalists are people too. However, I'm no longer sure that you don't bite

I also said that no one had been quoted so didn't really see a problem. I only wanted to put across the idea that (IMHO) it would have been nice to have said, on Thurday morning, that the thread coupled with the OFSTED report had made you want to write about it. I suspect you'd not have heard a simgle whimper about it then.

The fact that you were peeping from behind your Mac nervously implies that you were expecting some flak & therefore unsure about how people would take it.

And I agree about Junior being elitist - I remember a feature on family holidays once that really made me laugh. Completely out of a lot of family's price range! (and no an advertisement either so no justification about it funding the magazine) Still, surely that's why people buy it. I'm not sure about it being the "most intelligent mag" though, it never seemed any more intelligent than the rest, just posher.

Ho hum.

See you in the Yurt, Badmamma?

Does it have a bar?

Yes, but it only serves nettle wine.

now, now girls - can we have a bit of respect for each other, please?

Badmamma - When you wrote your article I assume you expected that some of its readers might be mumsnetters. As you say, the piece reflects your own strong views on education as stated on this thread. So you must have half expected someone to make the link with badmamma. You knew there was a strong chance of being 'exposed' here anyway, and surely it would have been less confrontational for you to have mentioned it to us before the piece appeared in the press? other journalists have done the same here.

Surely you could have used your journalistic powers in a more diplomatic way. As you say, your views were fully formed before this thread began and external events bought the subject into the spotlight, so the mumsnet thead was just a coincidence. (unless you are posting under the name of marielouse, too )

As you seem to like mumsnet, why put people's backs up needlessly? I find it odd that someone with such high moral principles re private education and health can stoop to getting so needlessly personal about other mumsnet contributers like batters and ks.

There was nothing you said, ks, that would have led badmamma to say what she did, I think she was just feeling a bit got at - but imo she shouldn't have said it, and others shouldn't have been quite so lacking in respect to her. Wasn't meaning you really.

jude the obscure - thanks for the explaination although i had to laugh, i probably was looking for things that wernt there!

any way i think you are all rotton unless you teach your kids at home, a womans place is in the home, not taking jobs that decent men can do, if women stayed at home and looked after their children society wouldnt be in this mess and they could teach their children there too , as after a little dusting they just sit and watch telly all day anyway

Custy - do we have to dust the telly too?

dusting custardo? only the tv screen, so you can see the picture.

Let sleeping dust lie. It's not doing any harm.

Do you? Wow! We're not all that far away from each other then (at least I hope we're not I'm planning to go up and back to bibic each day).