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Original poster

dd(12) saw a violent dad smack his dd across the head at the school gate this afternoon.

42 replies

mumonthenet · 15/05/2009 20:42

Poor dd, is quite upset.

this Dad marched up to his daughter, smacked her round the head, pulled her hair, told her she was lucky he wasn't going to really hurt her as there were people around, took her phone, smashed it to the ground, told her that would teach her not to shout at her father, then grabbed her and marched her into the school. Christ poor poor kid.

I was about to drive to the police station to report it, but dd said she didn't want to make things worse for the kid. What would you do?

OP posts:

gothicmama · 15/05/2009 20:44

mention it to the school, they may know already or they can plan pshe lessons to cover topic in a general way as a way of info sharing with the girl and others without anypone knowimng it is aimed at someone specific

thisisyesterday · 15/05/2009 20:45

omg i would totally report it!
if that's what goes on in public imagine what he's like at home??

FabulousBakerGirl · 15/05/2009 20:46

I don't think driving to the police station would make it worse for the kid and tbh I think you should do what you think is best, not your DD.

Original poster

mumonthenet · 15/05/2009 20:47

yep I think I will mention it to her form teacher. they may already know about it. And I hope someone is doing something to get that fecker of a father. God knows what he does in private. So sad.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 15/05/2009 20:47

i would report to social services

FabulousBakerGirl · 15/05/2009 20:48

Poor child.

Left all weekend now with no one doing anything.

Original poster

mumonthenet · 15/05/2009 20:50

must run

back later.

OP posts:

tribpot · 15/05/2009 20:50

If you know who she is and who her father is I think you really must report it. That's nowhere near being in the bounds of what could be considered normal.

Summersoon · 15/05/2009 21:13

I would report him to the school and to social services.

Related question: walking along our local high street this afternoon, I overheard a man threatening his tiny daughter with a smack. The guy was well over 6ft tall, muscular, shaven-headed and repeatedly shouting at his daughter (aged about 2, I think - she was walking but seemed to reach just above his knee) "well, do you want a smack? WELL, DO YOU??? I'M GONNA SMACK YOU, YOU KNOW....". The child was crying.

To tell the truth: I was intimidated by this man's size and aggression, I was on my way to pick my daughter up from school and therefore in a hurry - but should I have interfered? If you have experienced a similar situation, what did you do and what did you say? Or was this not serious enough to warrant interference from an unknown person?

evaangel2 · 15/05/2009 21:21

hitting her across the head, poor girl
I would go straight to the police

Sidge · 15/05/2009 21:33

You can call the police anonymously (to Summersoon as well).

To the OP - it may well be that this man has a history, and they may well already be on the Social Care radar. Your call could well be the one that completes the puzzle and frees this poor girl from her abusive father. Or it could be the call that starts an investigation and leads to her protection.

Please tell the school even if your DD is embarrassed. It's not only little kids that get abused

ChampagneDahling · 16/05/2009 12:39

OMG yes I would definitely report it. There could be some serious domestic child abuse going on here and do you want to feel responsible if the child is badly hurt in the future and you could have possibly have prevented it?

The police have child protection officers you can talk to in confidence and will give advice. No one needs to know your DD was involved.

Don't forget how the child's mother must feel, God knows what might be going on at home if this is a public display of anger.

mrsmaidamess · 16/05/2009 12:41

Tell the school straight away.

giraffesCantRunA10k · 16/05/2009 12:44

report it NOW.

Failing to act to protect children is also claseed as abuse as we have a duty of care to children.

Lizzylou · 16/05/2009 12:51

Report it, definitely.
I was just reading the local paper about a Mother who was arrested for punching her 2 yr old in the face . She did it in the street and was actually caught by a police car who was parked up nearby. She said that she "only hit him when he was acting up" then when on to say that he "had tantrums all the time"
If someone will do this to their child in broad daylight, outside a school what would they do at home?

MrsMcCluskey · 16/05/2009 12:59

You have to report this.

tattifer · 16/05/2009 14:02

If you know who she is and who her father is I think you really must report it

Definitely, let the school know in detail what you saw and heard, and contact police and SS giving them as much information as you can about the people concerned.

tattifer · 16/05/2009 14:03

Why are you letting your DD decide for you in a matter as important as this?

Pamboli · 16/05/2009 17:13

NSPCC?

scienceteacher · 16/05/2009 17:20

The easiest thing to do would be to report it via the school.

You cannot assume that others will have done something, and your evidence may be enough to escalate concerns to a new level. It is very important that small (and not so small) incidents are reported, as the authorities may be sitting on something that is worrying but intangible and need something tangible to move the case on.

The school will have the systems in place to react to this case. You can ask to speak to the CPLO (child protection liason officer) or the Headteacher, or School Nurse, if they have one. They will all know what to do next.

The other thing that is important (but uncomfortable) to do is to check back after a week or two to see if something has been done - you don't need to know what, just that the case has moved on. Some incidences of horrible child abuse has fallen through the cracks, especially in schools, because the staff didn't think it was their job to do anything. If you report it, expect a confirmation that something has been done.

Lulumama · 16/05/2009 17:21

you have to report it , there is no reason the father would know it was you.

your DD has not got the maturity to make the decision

you need to speak to school, police, social services..

DorotheaPlenticlew · 16/05/2009 17:25

I hate threads like this.

You know what you need to do, now do it, then report back so we are all spared the misery of wondering what, if anythng, you did in the end.

FabulousBakerGirl · 16/05/2009 17:26

I agree, DP.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 16/05/2009 17:27

"Poor dd, is quite upset."

I don't doubt it was upsetting for your daughter, but surely the person who really needs a bit more sympathy is the girl with the abusive father?

Original poster

mumonthenet · 16/05/2009 17:59

Sorry I haven't been back -I too hate threads where you're left wondering........

I have emailed my dd's form teacher about the matter. I may not get a reply til Monday of course.

I don't know (and neither does dd) the name of the family. DD knows the first name of the girl. It is obviously easy for the school to identify the girl if necessary.

I decided not to drive dd to the police station to report what she saw as she was scared. Scared for the girl, of making things worse (she's only 12 fgs - she doesn't realise you might have to make things worse before they get better). She was also, as you can imagine, scared of the man. Of whether he might find out she reported him.....etc....wild imaginings that 12 y olds have. She was very shocked as any of us would be if we saw someone we know assaulted.

So yes, I'm going through the school channel and yes, scienceteacher I will follow it up. Thanks for that...good idea.

Dorothea, this thread was not started to illicit sympathy for my dd, - sorry if it sounded that way. I am sorry she had to witness that and I am even sorrier for that poor child who is the victim of that bastard parent.

I also wasn't asking if I should let DD decide what to do. My feeling was that I was not prepared to do nothing so I thought MNers would give good advice, as they do!

OP posts:

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