Teacher threw away my DDs bracelet and I'm cross about it - should I complain?

[conniedescending]

Title says it all really, she forgot to take her bracelet off yesterday and the teacher saw it and chucked it in the bin!!She only told me on the way to school this morning and teacher wasn't there to have a word with (was in a meeting apparently)

so should I ask her today or just seethe quietly?

I was responding to "coming in all guns blazing, accusing the teacher of theft or bullying is teaching your child that if they break the rules Mummy will make a fuss and it will all go away."

Scienceteacher, You seem to genuinely think that stealing items that you judge to be of low value is legal and that reporting a crime should depend on the monetary value.

You say "Fortunately I teach in a school where there is not a lot of blurring of the rules" but are happy that teachers blur the law.

If that's the example teachers set then we can expect to see more children shoplifting (as long as it's only in a pound shop)

You also appear to be saying that parents complaining about it is unwise since the school can make trouble for then. No wonder we get bullying in school with attitudes like that.

You say "You have to leave our principles behind and weigh up the upsides and downsides".

Maybe if you retraced your steps you could remember where you left yours.

It's plagiarism

well said onager

Well put onager

Thanks for that iam i thought it looked wrong, shouldn't be so lazy and just use the spell check

Pixie, here is where you said it...

"i am astounded at a headmaster putting a child's work in the bin- plagarised or not."

Dh and I went into ds's school last term (twice) "all guns blazing" to see the head about ds's teacher.

We sat in her office for over an hour and basically told her what she should already have known about a certain teacher. She was shocked and horrified, as well she should have been, and the situation was sorted. I am not normally a confrontational person, but on occasion I think the truth needs to be told. Ds's teacher was living in a self contained little bubble that no-one was allowed to burst, which was to the children's detriment. He needed telling. And if myself and other parents had not gone in and "told" then the situation would have just carried on and on........

I don't see why teacher's are fireproof and not to be challenged on their behaviour also.

PL- I'm not suggesting that the incident should be ignored. I think the OP's daughter needs to see that the teacher IS being pulled up for doing something wrong. I also think that the OP will be doing her daughter no favours if she goes into school "all guns blazing". A calm, clear and firm letter asking for an apology would seem to me to be an appropriate reponse given that the OP is obvioulsy emotional about the situation (as I would be).
I remember a similar situation happening to me when I was 11 (and I remember my Mum stickin gup for me). I was walking to school with mum and relised I'd forgotten to brush my teeth. Mum popped into a shop on the way and got me a piece of gum so at least my breath would be fresh - she reminded me to bin it as I went into school, but I forgot. My teacher (a sub) really shouted at me for breaking the rules and gave me a detention even though I apologised and explained that it was an honest mistake.
Anyway, my Mum told me I was a wally for forgetting, but also assured me that she would speak to my teacher about the situation.
She didn't go in there and shout or make a big fuss, but explained that she felt the teacher had overreacted and that she expected her to withdraw the punishment or she would take the matter further. I felt defended, the teacher was put in her place and Mum didn;t end up being talked about in the staff room as another helicopter parent.

G&B - they should be, but no need for "guns blazing" on a first offence surely?

I'm merely using plagarised work as an example of what happens when students are allowed to think that rules don't apply to them. I could just have easily gone on about the example of a parent who came in all guns blazing to demand that the nunchucks we had confiscated (and given to the police as he was treatening another student with them) be returned forthwith. Or the drugs, or the bottles of cheap cider, or the mobile phones that are explicitly banned under the school rules.

There is a connection between the two. It is about the mesages that we give our children. It is about the parents who complain about behaviour in school but fail to discipline their own children, or who fail to back up the school when they impose discipline on their children. Its about how we teach our children to find excuses for their bad behaviour rather than addressing it.

I do not recall the OP saying she would go in "guns blazing"?

Posted to fast, meant to finish: When did she say that?

It depends on your definition of "all guns blazing", I think. But
(a) as OP has already been to talk to teacher who saw nothing wrong in her behaviour some sort of escalation seems called for (personally I would write calm/clear/firm letter, but to the head, given that I'd already discussed it with the teacher).
(b) I was responding to slug, who seems to feel that objecting at all counts as "all guns blazing".
(c) even if going in "all guns blazing" (by whatever definition) isn't a good idea, it clearly isn't going to teach the child in this case that if they break the rules Mummy will make a fuss and it will all go away, so my assertion that that is bollocks still stands, I think.

She didn;t, but a few posters have suggested she go so far as to call the police. I call that guns blazing

slug - I get what you are saying but you are talking about totally different circumstances.

Yes there have to be rules. There are rules and the OP's DD broke them. But she is only 7. Confiscating the bracelet and telling her that she was wrong and that Mummy must come to get it back would be enough of a punishment. Then a general warning to the class that if anyone else breaks the rule the item will be removed till the end of term. For a 7 year old this is a long time.

Firstly let me say that the teacher was right to confiscate the bracelet, but totally wrong to bin it. Even if it had little monetary value, it had a lot of sentimental value.

But, I also agree that any parent who thinks their child has been badly treated by a teacher needs to address the situation calmly and sensibly - simply because that is the best way to sort things out.

In the past, friends of mine have gone into school, all guns blazing, to complain about something, only to find that their child has not told them the whole story and was, at least partly, in the wrong - and the parent has come out feeling they've made a fool of themselves.

If you have a problem, of course you have every right to discuss it either with the teacher concerned, or with the school. Generally it is better to go to the teacher first as most things can be best sorted out this way, and going over a teacher's head can cause more problems. Obviously if the situation isn't adequately dealt with, or if you are still not happy with the solution, then you take the issue higher - and if you do have to go higher, you can show that you have done your best to deal with the situation through the right channels and haven't got anywhere.

In this circumstance, I would, as has already been suggested on the thread, go and ask the teacher when the confiscated bracelet will be returned. I would make it clear that I backed the school up on its rules about jewellry, and just wanted to know the full story.

When and if the teacher told me that the bracelet had been thrown away (or lost - if I was a teacher, I'm not sure I'd want to admit to a parent that I'd thrown away some jewellry), then I would ask what the teacher intended to do to rectify the situation, and would explain that the bracelet had been a christmas gift that I had struggled to buy and could ill-afford to replace. If I didn't get a satisfactory response from the teacher, I would then go to the Head.

With regard to the plagiarism issue that has been raised - if scienceteacher (or any other teacher) has repeatedly told their pupils not to plagiarise, has shown them how to use the resources correctly, and has warned them that plagiarised work will be binned, then I wouldn't complain if my child plagiarised work and it was binned. A secondary child should be old enough to know that actions have consequences; and if a teacher issues a warning about the consequences of plagiarism, then they do have to carry it through, otherwise the pupils will take advantage next time.

Of course the teacher does have to be careful that any punishment they threaten is reasonable - does anyone here remember the teacher who threatened her noisy class that the next person to talk would be gagged with parcel tape - and who carried through on the threat!!! She lost her job, and rightly so.

I kind of suspected that was what you might have meant, but on MN I would not be surprised to find a mother valiantly defending her child's "right" to wear brightly coloured scarves!
You didn't sound like the type though!

That was to Herbie - I'mtoo slow!

Would people feel differently if the children had been warned that jewellery from now on would be thrown in the bin?

Just wondering as the way the OP described it, the teacher reacted v calmly i.e. did not seem angry, which possibly you might expect her to be if this was the umpteenth piece of jewellery she'd taken off that day?

slug, like several other I think ther is no comparison between the two , mot same things, not same age group.

Also, getting clarification from teacher is not saying that her DD is right in wearing bracelet. She went to the teacher to ask if what DD was telling her was true, the teacher confirmed, she HAS to go to the head IMO, as teacher does not seem to be ready to admit that punishement may not be unfair in the sens that action had to be taken but unfair that she decided it was ok to get rid of someone's personal belonging. What could have been more constructive would have been to ask the bracelet to the girl,and tell her to come and get it back after class when she does appologise for breaking school rules. Now I thing instead of that, it will be to the teacher to appologise for her despicable handeling of the situation.