groaning under the weight of private school fees!

[pearso]

Hello,
I've got one child at private school, the other still at state primary for another year and we're dreading the decision next year about what to do. It's very unlikely we'll be able to afford a second set of school fees. Is anyone else in a similar situation? I'd love to hear from you if you are.... I'm also writing about it in my column for the Evening Standard so wouldn't use names but would love to hear what people think, especially in London and about any experiences good or bad.
thanks!

Spoon feeding is teaching to the exam i.e you need to know x and use it, but you don't need to know y because it won't be asked for.
On the radio the other night an author was being interviewed, I can't remember which, and one of her books was set for GCSE - she got hilarious (if the weren't sad) questions from school children wanting her to do their work for them!

If you google 'spoon feeding' you will get a better explanation than mine.

I don't think teachers generally know what is going to be on the exam. They have to cover the specification though, otherwise that would be neglectful. I teach the full speficiation, and do quite a bit beyond It's amazing what you can do when there s no crowd control.

I think truly inspirational teachers can cope with the challenge of children who don't always conform.

'Crowd control' as in managing unruly children who aren't interested or particularly able is dull, I agree. That's why setting by ability is very important.

Glad to hear about the 'positive discrimination' Penth

And I don't think it discriminates against grammar or independently educated children who ARE truly very bright. That usually shows through it their applications anyway. Lots of pupils from my DCs grammar school have had Oxbridge offers this year, so they are obviously not being discriminated against. It just gives those from worse schools (for whom they have no choice but to attend) and difficult backgrounds a fair chance, and that's what it is, a CHANCE, not a given place.

I can't see how anyone can object to that (waits for onslaught....).

Aaah bags, they object to it because when you spend hundreds of thousands of pounds on your child's education, it is very tempting to believe that you are buying them advantages.

The best Universities and the best employers want the brightest minds. That's something you can't buy.

I know

Private schooling does buy lots of advantages, but the one thing it can't buy is actual intelligence. Luckily, the universities have realised this now.

There will still be lots of intelligent children in the private school sector, but it is no longer just 'assumed' that their results belie the whole truth.

The current education system does not differentiate between the reasonably bright and the exceptionally bright. It is not the children's fault. Some are exasperated that they are not 'pushed' enough (not mine, I hasten to add, but there are some at my DCs school) and they are the ones who get into Oxbridge, deservedly so. There are many mediocre students who are getting 3 As at A level (usually from private schools, I have to add). They then cannot understand when they don't get into Oxbridge, for instance. Neither can their parents who have spent all that money.

However, their private education will still have given them other advantages I expect, like social networking etc, learning to play lacrosse (sorry, couldn't resist that).

I have a feeling that with the recession, carefully planned private tuition to top up state education will be the way to go for many people.

TBH, with school fees, you're paying a hell of a lot for all sorts of stuff... the rather nice lunches, marquee in the summer, state of the art presentations, 'entertainment' allowance for the Head.... if what you want is really high quality targeted teaching, then you can get a good return on your money by actually looking at where your own individual child may need a boost, and paying for that through private tuition, rather than paying the full whack for all the frills.

I've known pupils make a leap of two grades at GCSE sometimes, by having well timed private tuition - it's often more effective if it isn't long term, but provided maybe a few months before exams. That way you know exactly what you're spending your money on. I really think we'll see more of this in the coming years, with people keeping a tight rein on their finances and wanting value for money.

And you can help a child a lot yourself at home just by giving it attention which doesn't cost anything.

As for my choice of husband, I have never been very materialistic. I did want to buy a nice house, pay for school fees and reasonable holidays and I bought an island but I certanily woudln't h ave wanted to pick a man for his mnoey and live off his earnings. Isn't that what prostitution is? Women should earn their own money. If they then have to pay a lot to a lesser earning husband on divorce then so be it although like most people who pay out mnoey on divorce, many these days being women, it's a painful process.

Of course had we lived on his teacher income of £30k and we divorced life would be a little different and I am glad that was not so.

Xenia - I hope you don't think I was suggesting you pick a man to live off his earnings! I wouldnt agree with that at all! I'm totally with you about women and men being equal and I firmly believe that they should take equal responsibility for parenting and shouldering financial responsibility.

I am just a little surprised that given you put so much emphasis on careful forward planning with regard to income and school fees, you seem to be ok with not planning ahead so carefully regarding partner.

Divorce can be a messy, unpleasant business, and I could probably quote you a pile of statistics about how children from divorced families will achieve. And just think of how much more of your earnings you would have got to keep if you hadn't had to give your ex a big pay-off.....

The marquee in the summer does not come out of school fees. It is funded by the ball tickets.

Some of the teenage girls I know are very definitely thinking ahead to what they eventually want out of life (houses, cars, good job, fab holidays) and using that as incentive to do well in exams, etc.

I wasn't talking about your particular school scienceteacher.

I agree with Xenia about forward planning and women taking individual financial responsibility. Which I think many women shirk, actually.

But what Violet says is right - one of the most important decisions we make as women is who to have children with. And I was very careful to make sure that DH was honest and caring and responsible. Marriage is a practical arrangement as well as an emotional entanglement.

Some of the cost of our school'smarquee in the summer might come from schoolfunds as it is used to fit everyone in on Speech Day.

But it is also used for balls and other events over the week so perhaps it is funded by sales of those tickets.

'Marriage is a practical arrangement as well as an emotional entanglement.' - very true!

I'm sure I'm not the only mumsnet poster who is divorced. I don't think however much due diligence you do on a partner you can anticipate all the things that may go wrong over a long marriage but I could certainly have chosen to marry someone better off I suppose.

I think you have inadvertently made the same argument I have been making over finance and careers, Xenia. However much due diligence you put into working out a sensible and duly profitable career path, life, government policy and chance always seem to get in the way.

I wonder why Xenia actually got married though. If she had planned her career so strategically but fell for a poor teacher, surely she woudl have known it would have been best not to get married at all.

I think there's a lot more to Xenia than meets the eye ...

Exactly DeborahBorr. Xenia is a mass of contradictions .... think that's why we love her!

I really really wanted babies from age 14 so waiting to 22 was quite a thing.... so that woudl be one reason to marry and obviously religious reasons too and I like men and I like sex.

Agree with you on the last two Xenia

..although you can get the last two without marriage I suppose and my sister chose to have her children by IVF without a man as she wanted children but not a man. And she pays school fees out of her own earnings.

aren't discussions about education fun! We select the "brightest minds", send them off to the "level playing field" that is Oxbridge and off they go to government or the city - where they get us into the state we're in now. And STILL no-one questions if they are actually the "brightest" minds or if that particular type of academic "excellence" is what we need to run a country.

Some people who have gone on to be seen as "successful" were academic failures.

Teachers are really good at brainwashing students so that they don't actually question the value of the educational system we have. And the suggested solution -pay them even more [hmmm]