groaning under the weight of private school fees!

[pearso]

Hello,
I've got one child at private school, the other still at state primary for another year and we're dreading the decision next year about what to do. It's very unlikely we'll be able to afford a second set of school fees. Is anyone else in a similar situation? I'd love to hear from you if you are.... I'm also writing about it in my column for the Evening Standard so wouldn't use names but would love to hear what people think, especially in London and about any experiences good or bad.
thanks!

Maybe we could all have a whip-round for the initial start up & then organise corporate sponsorship for the running costs..... Now who would be the best?

McD's?
Hamleys?
National Society for Pushy Parents? (Whoah!! I can hear that flame-thrower already).

I thnk it's imperative that children fail so that they learn to pick themselves up and dust themselves off - one of the reasons I'm so in favour of competitive sport.
Maybe I'm naive but surely all kids, whereever they go to school, get a taste of not being picked for the poetry reading, school play, netball team?
My Dcs school is amok with art comps, house matches, swimming galas, sports days, house point comps etc. Most kids must get a taste of not winning.
Aren't most private schools like this?

I've paid five sets of fees. I suppose you pick a job that will support that as a woman and if you can't then it;s your fault. We call all work out as teenagers which careers mean we can afford fees and which can't.

Yes, I suppose you do really. Wonder why we don't all do that??

Xenia, that's £50,000 a year on school fees at least ... double the national average wage and at a level 98% of the country could afford. Women constitute 51% of the country so the stats don't quite work here.

As I have said before, I think it's brilliant you have managed to be so successful and affluent, and I am sure I could learn lots from you, but I think it's a bit harsh to blame us lesser mortals in the top 10% of wage earners for our fecklessness in not making it to the top 2% and being able to shell out this kind of money.

Sorry, I should have said 'not afford'. Watching the delectable Ben Fogle on the telly and trying to type at the same time.

Ah, Ben Fogle - a successful product of the British public school system.

Yes, but when they come out that gorgeous it is a tribute to the system.

I was being deadly serious, no sarcasm intended. Mind you his father was an extremely attractive vet and mother a well known actress whose name I can't remember. I have now debased this discussion to its lowest.

I cannot stick the Fogle. Uniformly bland. Good connections.

Not stick the Fogle? Even though he looks fresh out of a sailing catalogue???

Ben Fogle's mother is Julia Foster.

Agree he is v nice but don't think is exactly brain of Britain, I think he admits to that himself. Good job he has those connections....

partially because he looks like he's from a sailing catalogue. Of dullards.

I just want to add my two p'worth to the debate - I live in Hull - for the past 5 years one of the three worst performing LEA's in the country - am a single mother who solely supports my 5 year old DD. I am privately educated from working class parents. I educate my daughter at a local Montessori school which costs me in excess of £8k PA. I fully intend to continue to educate her within the private sector as long as finances permit. If I am unable to then she will have to enter the state system at whatever point in her education we have reached (and I am grateful for that alternative). I choose to do this not because of the "sort of people " I want her to mix with nor because I think it will give her a "step up" to be privately educated. I do it because I believe in small class sizes, work ethic/ethos, good extracurricular activities and the focus on actually teaching to suit a child's needs not to "box tick" in accordance with the NC I don't believe that my education necessarily gave me a better academic start than I would have achieved within the state sector but provided me with an "all round " education.

I work part time at the moment and hope that as the fee requirements increase I will have the flexibility to increase my hours to continue to keep pace with the rising cost. I sacrifice a number of luxuries to achieve the demands of the school fees and my DD , unlike many of her counterparts educated in the state sector, does not enjoy holidays abroad or expensive items of entertainment.

I am not your archetypal private school parent and yet I find that I have made a number of friends of the parents in both the small Montessori my daughter attends and the private school it feeds into. By and large the majority of these people are hard working ordinary people who just choose to spend here money in this way whilst they are able.

I find I have to defend and justify my decision continually to colleagues and my peers - my response is always a brutally honest - yes, I believe in private education, no I don't think it makes me better than anyone else and if the money runs out I'll have to revise my options and with all due respect what business is it of yours?

How I spend my money is my business in the same way I would not dream of questioning their decisions to purchase a Play Station/Wii/DVD recorder etc .

God - I feel better for that.....

Xenia, what sort of teenager thinks about private school fees when deciding on a career?

Unfortunately I decided to do 'what I enjoyed' and became a poorly-paid journalist. Luckily I married a very successful lawyer so we might be able to afford those school fees anyhow .

Cory - I'm sure you're right about it being a general problem in universities. There was a general expectation among the students that a First was their 'right', and that if we didn't provide it (or a 2.1 at worst), then we had failed in some way. This applied equally to state and privately educated students.

Most of the students I taught were from comprehensives. The privately educated minority did tend to stand out from the others because they were generally better educated; they were more confident and articulate; they could write better essays; and they were far better at motivating themselves to go to the library (contrary to popular belief, private schools don't all go in for spoon-feeding!) They were generally no brighter than their state-educated peers; there were very bright students from both sectors (and some spectacularly dim ones - the most outstanding of these having been privately educated. I think she must have spent 13 years asleep!)

Neenztwinz - I didn't think about school fees when embarking on a career (not least because I had no desire ever to have a career). However, I did think about them before I got married!!

I think in London that nursery fees are so high that children get sucked into private preps accordingly - their parents get used to paying the day nursery fees and then just carry on - in fact the school fees are less.

At 11 you try your hardest to get them into the remaining grammars and if they fail you send them to a cheap private day school.

But then I suppose this is the reason that London private school figures are so high - the govt basically encouraging people to go private through supporting private daycare over cheaper public versions...weird.

Dottoressa, can't say I had school fees on my mind when deciding to get married either but each to their own - it is a nice bonus. FWIW I don't think we will go private as our local schools are so good (70% 5 A-Cs) but it is nice to think it could be an option.

Ellemmjay, IMO your £8k a year could be much better spent and in your position the last thing I would do is go private but it is your choice.

I never have to justify my decision to educate 5 privately. I don't know that many people who use the state system.

What kind of teenager thinks about future income when picking careers? Clever ones I suppose. And anyone with half a brain knows if they become a nurse unless they marry someone rich they won't be affording privaet school fees which is fine, 94% of children go to state schools and most do okay there. It's on aproblem if you pick a badly paid career but want your children at privaet schools. That's the thing that doesn't quite make sense.

And 70% A - C is not at all good compared with 99% A or A* which you get in the better priave schools but they are selective

best thing you can spend your money on or one of the best in terms of improving a child's life chances.

Apparently it is possible to earn £128 an hour as an agency nurse..read it in the Daily Mail I think

It doesn't seem particularly clever to me to get hung up about overall pass rates - eg 70% pass rate/90% pass rate etc.

Surely it makes more sense anyway to look at success rates for the classes your child will be in anyway? Bright kids will be in higher sets. eg the top English set at my ds's school will probably all get A/A* grades, and as that's the class in which he's learning English, surely that's more relevant than looking at the overall school pass rate which may well be 70% but which includes children of all abililities?

In fact tbh, let's be really logical and look at what our own children will achieve, because actually that's what I'm interested in - not paying high school fees because other people's kids get high grades!!

Xenia - I'm sure you have absolutely no need to justify your decision. You are very clear that you are buying into a particular narrow slice of society- as you say, you barely know anyone outside the private sector. And you are happy to pay a lot of money to do this.

Most other people aren't so fearful of living life outside that narrow slice - and maybe we have more confidence in our children's abilties too!

Interesting reading this thread - because many -people clearly do feel the need to justify their decision massively!

Money was no motivation in me picking a career! I certainly didn't think about school fees when chosing one!! I didn't think about school fees when I got married. The only time that I would consider them would be if I lived somewhere where the state schools were dreadful.
If people want to have a top earning job and private schools I wouldn't wish to stop them but it is important to remember that not everyone judges success by money.
It is far, far more important for me to have a job that I enjoy-unfortunately the ones that I find the most interesting are not highly paid!

I think I'd have a hard job if they went into the state system - we do have an apartheid in a sense... but I certanily haven't sent them to schools that are at all posh. I am very lucky to enjoy my job and be able to afford school fees out of it too.

I agree look at how a particular child will be but most people have children who follow the herd and if the herd leaves at 16 with very few GCSEs or goes to ex polytechnics then like as not most children who as teenagers do as their peers do will follow suit. If 100% of the sixth form go to Oxbridge or other good universities then your children are morely likely to.

My cleaner's children go to a state school but no one on these roads around here do. it's 100% private just as it's 100% state on the council estate about 2 minutes drive from here. All fascinating fun stuff.

I know lots of people whose parents spent a fortune on private school and they have done no better in life than me and DH (DH got a first and was a partner in his firm at 27). Although DH believes he could have done even better had he gone to private school and regrets that he didn't! I disagree. I think a private school education probably means a lot more in the City than it does elsewhere in the UK where much fewer people are educated privately.

The results for a school overall are meaningless as violethill says. What about the 1% of kids in private school who don't get 5 A-Cs. That is the real scandal!

Sounds like you're fine with following the herd then Xenia!