I wanted to put this in AIBU but didn't. What subject do you think my Year 9 daughter is NOT studying this year?

[NotanOtterOHappyDay]

Yes, my DS1 had attitude like that. Is second child with older sister and was at highly selective mixed grammar school with lots of hard working clever girls too. He did the absolute bare minimum which I now can see (with hindsight) was a 'front'.

Did pass his GCSEs but significantly underperformed. Think he scared himself a bit. There's a big difference between being capable of getting all As, A*s (which he should have been) and actually getting them.

Swapped to comprehensive (missed out by one point for 6th form) and suddenly was top of the class and redeemed himself greatly at A level (have to say still didn't work THAT hard though....).

Your DD has got a hard act to follow with 10 A*s from her brother.

I would let her do the other courses, bet she'll still get A* in English!

thanks bagsforlife

i find it depressing...

Yes, unfortunately, it is, to a certain extent.

However, DS1 was very happy at the grammar school! Said was the 'best 5 years of his life'....you bet it was.

Also is now doing exactly the same university course at exactly the same university (Russell Group one) as best friend who didn't particularly under achieve and got place in sixth form at grammar school, so didn't make huge difference in the end.

However, was obviously never going to be able to be a brain surgeon or whatever, unless bothered to actually do some bloody work!!!!!

i am sure she will do fine yes....
just think life is somehow easier for the individual who does not think 'life owes them a living' which dd seems to

she will never work - I am pretty damn sure

Yup. Don't know what the answer is really. My DS1 is still v bright, probably the brightest out of my three. But really can't be arsed to do the work. Just cannot force him to do it!

There will be (and he has seen) plenty of children who aren't as naturally clever as him who will get better GCSE/A level/degree results but he just doesn't care. Some children just work SO hard, and he just isn't interested. Also doesn't want to be a plumber or electrician or whatever (naturally) so what are we to do?? Aaaaaargh is all I can say.

My DD is like this, too. She is bright but won't work; her GCSEs were above average but below prediction.
I gave up worrying about it a few years back and took the attitude that it's her life, not mine. She knows what she wants to do for a living, and a half-way decent degree from a half-way decent Uni should get her there. Anyway, if MNers are typical of the world's opinion then EQ (which she has in spades) is more important than IQ.

We have the opposite sibling problem to Otter - I wonder how DD is going to react when her younger brother (who is slightly brighter but, more importantly, works) outshines her.

My brother was the same, except that he had a clear idea of what he wanted to achieve and set out to do the minimum amount of work necessary to achieve it. If he needed a 'C' and got a 'B' he'd be annoyed; when he got a 2:2 for his degree (which was what he needed) he was bothered that it was closer to a 2:1 than a 3rd. He was capable of way more, but he's achieved everything he wants in life and some, so it's a perefectly valid approach. But he knew what he wanted to do from an early age and so set his objectives accordingly. The trouble with some of these under achieving bright siblings (and my dd falls into this category too, though she's also hampered by dyslexia) is that they don't have any aspiration or goal to work towards, but by not working they're limiting their options later. What they need is is some objective in life to give them some motivation.

That gives me a bit of hope snorkle!!

Will have to find DS1 some great career that involves a) being 'naturally' bright, b) not needing to have to put self out to actually do more than necesary academic or physical work!

Any ideas anyone??

For db it was flying - first with RAF, now with commercial airline.

I am disappointed in you

I get you. DD is sandwiched between two very bright very hard working boys

ds1 has achieved and is now picking universities - he does voluntary work and also earns all his own money etc etc

ds2 is only 12 but aspires to be like ds1 to the same degree that dd is determined to NOT be like him ( bad english i think)

DD says she wants an 'office job' and then laughs

she will not get any sort of job as she says everything is too demeaning for her

I hate admitting this but she once actually said to DP she wanted to marry money

there appears to be no hope

( odd aside.... she is in a very high achieving grammar school where she won a place - out of area - against fierce competition. she hovvers around the halfway mark just above - for attainment in most subjects. her english teacher describes her as gifted and to her credit she reads a lot - last night 'The bell Jar'. When she was at primary school she changed school to a primary which was at that time 9th in the country on those tables. she SHONE and was streets ahead of peers and recieived loads of adulation from staff as she was start pupil well behaved - angelic.On starting at her grammar she was placed in an accelerated maths class and did some maths challenge stuff for which she got a gold.... however in her SAT last year ( a year early) she was predicted 8 and got 7. A large minority of girls did get 8's .It is as if the MINUTE she started at the grammar school she sunk into a torpor from which she has not even momentarily emerged.

Very sad as her sweet nature has gone with it and a sulky wannabe chav taken her place...

Your DD sounds just like my nephew. Was 'golden boy' at primary school. Went to high achieving, highly selective grammar school along with my DS1, and managed to come out with even worse grades than my DS1!!!

Was just talking to my sister about this. He actually got a grade C for English Lang and Maths, which is unbelievable. Was prob at that level at primary school for God's sake.

However, having had a year off after A levels (again at comp school), is now at university (Russell Group one) and is now realising he is brighter than a lot there. So there is light at end of tunnel.

He too has younger brother who has just got 10 A* at GCSE because actually did some BLOODY WORK!!!

Your DD will prob eventually pull herself together.

i hope so bagsforlife

after years months of stress she has sat at her desk and done an hours maths....

the deputy head has had words with her.....we shall see

well her interim report has come home and is -frankly- dreadful

she is taking 8 GCSEs a year early and at this rate will under achieve in virtually all of them

Frankly this sounds mad. Why is she doing 8 early? Can you ask school to withdraw her from exams? I can see no justification for taking GCSEs early unless you are predicted an A or A*.

well interestingly despite the dreadful array of grades - her 'minimum target grades' are all A'S

dp wants to take her out of them all

What are the school's reasons for taking the majority of GCSEs (I assume it's the majority) early? What will they then do with the extra year? It sounds a bit mad to me - I tend to think children should only sit early if they're almost certain to get A*, otherwise they're likely to have done better if they waited and in the long run people (employers) will look only at the grades achieved not at when you took them.

Obviously with your dd there's the worry that if she doesn't pull her finger out she won't do any better a year later, but I'm inclined to agree with your dh.

Are minimum target grades the minimum she's expected to get if she works, or the minimum she's expected to get whatever she does?

snorkle i am assuming its if she works

i actually think it will be good to get her working earlier rather than coasting but fear if she does badly she will blame the 'year early'

the school SAY they wan to get the best out of the girls but cynically i see it as being a league table thing

at gcse they out perform the boys school - but at A level the tables turn and i think this speaks volumes

DD's year is the first year they have brought things forward

So her year are guinea pigs! My school did something similar to my year back in the age of dinosaurs - we all sat 3 O levels a year early, but the school reverted to the normal system again the following year.

It sounds to me, like your optimum solution would be to collude with the school so that she's withdrawn from all or most of them but not told that's the case until after she's put some effort in (or is that too mean?). Though it might be better not to rock the boat too much with the school and just go with the flow & try & make the best of it.

Is there a new head or something with all these crazy new ideas?

there is a new deputy - very driven....

i think its more competition driven and the fact that the girls were achieving very very high results - they felt that they were not taxed

If she didn't sit them this year & everyone else did, would the school support her properly to do them later? If not, then you have no choice really but to go with the flow.

DD3 did media studies but she had to do English language as well.