Starting off in a state school and then putting a child in to private at secondary level

[Thomcat]

I'd like DD2 to go to a local private school. Her grandparents are offering to pay.

DP says he wants to start her off at the local catholic school and then at secondary level look at putting her into the private school.

Her sister attends the local catholic school. A very good, lovely little school.
She doesn't go to said private school because she has SN's.

I think it's better to start DD2 off with the private school, which again is a lovely school, (but imo is just generally all round a nicer, better equipped etc school, I've done my homework) and then stick to that, as long as she's happy.

DP isn't sure.

What would you say?

I went to private school at secondary but really value the time I had in a state primary where I met real people. I plan to send our kids state for primary and then go private for secondary.

Well, I am biased, but I say get them into private school asap... lots more opportunities, smaller classes etc etc etc

However, are at least 50% of all children starting at private secondary school come from the state sector and settle in fine with no real academic or social/ mixing issues.

Sorry not to be much help.

OhIdoLikeToBeBesidethe - would you mind explaining why?

Nell - 50% really!

is the private school single sex?

TotalChaos - yes it is

Yes! Well at least in the school I work at and the school dcs go to (different ones!)

So in that sense, if the primary school prepares your dd academically, then the entrance exam will not be an issue

HOWEVER

A state primary school cannot take the whole school to the theatre because there is a good play on, a state primary cannot have function with classes of 10, a state primary cannot pick and choose what and how they want to approach the curriculum

Of course a state primay can offer many things; but my experience of both types of schools shows that there is far more on offer in an independent school.

And these days, independent schools have a far wider ranging catchment of children from all ethnic, social and cultural backgrounds.

Not at all - I remember at the tender age of 11 being very shocked at some narrow minded views of my private school girl colleagues. I can't remember exactly what was said though. I went from private secondary to Cambridge then Oxford and into medicine. I have met plenty of disadvantaged people through charity work and as patients but it was only at primary school when I was friends with them. One of my friends was a traveller (gypsy in those days) and was only at our school 6 months a year. It helped me dispel a lot of prejudices I otherwise would have had.

I think this is a tough decision in that you have to think about her personal and social development as well as her academic side.

My children are educated in the private sector but for me I feel that socially it isn't giving one of them enough life skills. I am at a crossroad asto whether to go state or stick to where we are for him. I suppose what I am trying to say is go and look at both schools, speak to the head, teachers, children, parents (quite important) and other staff and get a feel for which one makes you feel more comfortable. You will know your child better than anyone else.

I went to state first and middle (as they were called then), then on to private (all girls) high school.State school more than adequately prepared me for the extra academic challenge, got great A levels and a good degree. Totally recommend this approach because I was old enough to be given the choice of which high school to attend...if you were to place them private straight away they may feel they had no choice in the matter. On the other hand they may not want to change because all their friends will be staying in state schools- but I'll always remember and thank my parents for treating me like an adult and giving me the choice.

ohidoliketobebesidethe - so you will put yor DC into state then private for same reasons? Are they the only reasons?

I think for me, who we are, where we live, the friends we have etc, the DC will be open to all sorts of people from all walks of life. Other children with SN's, different ethnic backgrounds, etc etc. Sending her to the private school won't mean that she'll only mix with children from private schools is what I'm saying, so it wouldn't be a reason for me to not put her in the private school.

Is it not harder to get into a private school the later you leave it?

Depends on the schools intake for the childs academic year. However now that we are on the cusp of a (potentially long) recession, anything is possible.

We live in Hampstead and are surrounded by v. rich people. We have friends from different ethnic minorities but most are rich. If they went private all the way through they would have a VERY warped view of the world.

There is an excellent and ridiculously competitive girls state grammar up the road which I would LOVE our girls to get into but otherwise the state options are not great. Also the state primaries we are going for are good.

I realise I sound as if I am v. confident about my decisions - but really do wonder sometimes whether we should go for private primary to help them get a place at grammar later on - but can't afford that gamble.

So - other factors are at play here.

Personal experience.

I went to a (good) state primary and then private secondary.

I don't think the girls who went to the prep school were any better off than me really, and I enjoyed the variety at state school.

I think the prep school was more academic and was a bit cliquey really because it was very small. The secondary seemed to have a bigger social mix of pupils (most of the new comers in Y7 were from backgrounds where the mum was a nurse/teacher) and the year groups were bigger.

I suppose those I found the prep claustrophobic (I helped at the holiday club) because i came from a huge primary school, if I didn't know anything else I would not!

I think it totally depends on the state school on offer. The school my DC's attend is state but to all intents and purposes could be private. It doesn't have the small classes but then again I am not interested in classes of 10 or 12 but it has excellent facilities, extremely good academic standards and a can do attitude with strong discipline and an expectation that all children come to school to work hard and to learn. They also have an excellent and varied extra curricular programme and extensive trips / activities in school time. However, I would say that 90% of the parents in the class are professionals ie lawyers, accountants, city workers, Doctors, dentists, company directors and expect private school standards and education within a state school.

Of the children who sat the 11+ last year every single child got into every school they sat for and these were mostly schools that rank in the top 10 of private schools. It's also relatively common to have one or 2 children in our school and another privately. They do need some tutoring and the head mistress runs extra classes before school for children sitting exams to the privates and grammars

If that's the kind of state education you'd get in your local school then I wouldn't even consider private at this point. If the school doesn't have a record of getting their kids into private schools then go private from the start.

The state school we'd send her to - all the children that leave there go onto other catholic schools tbh.

We went private from primary to either stay private at secondary or do 11+ and go to grammar. Our state primaries are against 11+ because the local education system is comprehensive at secondary level. We are in catchment for an excellent grammar school at a neighbouring county. At least at prep I know we will have options and won't have to go down the extra tuition route.

I went state primary and then private secondary - I am glad I did too because my secondary was girls only (as was its primary school attached) so I got to mix with BOYS at my state primary school (not that I liked them much but at least I wasn't scared/ ignorant of them!). It was also a less rarefied atmosphere at the state school and I think gave me a better perspective on life as a whole, even at that young age.

I had no need of extra classes or tutoring, either prior to taking the entrance exam or afterwards - although my parents did buy me a book of practice exam questions so I knew what sort of thing to expect.

How interesting how many of you went from state to private.

I thought there would be many more Mumsnetters agreeing that it would be better to go private from the off.

Both my dcs went from state primary to private secondary. They didn't get the range of school trips, the sport, the good facilities that they would have got if they'd gone private earlier but I do think they got experience of mixing with a really wide group of people. And I hope this might stop them developing the views I've just seen on tonight's Rich Kid, Poor Kid on Channel 4! This is comparing their specific state primary with the private school they now go to - not a generalisation about private v state schools.....

I went to a private prep and then a state comprehensive, as the senior school changed from private grammar. All of us who went to the prep were very naive socially in comparison to the girls who came from state primaries. We were better prepared in the basics though - maths, literature, french (we'd been doing it since we were 6), etc. I seem to remember things evening out fairly quickly.

I went from state primary to private secondary too. It was a bit of a culture shock but I think I adjusted pretty well.

I think it is so hard to compare "private" and "state" schools as they are all so different, as are children. If you have the luxury of being able to look at YOUR child and think about what would suit her best, and you find a school that ticks most of the boxes than that's what I think you go for, whichever sector it happens to fall into.

I have experience of both and all three of mine are now doing really well at a private school. I decided not to sacrifice my kids' education for my political principles a long time ago Lots of people on here vocally disagree, but hey - that's what makes MN interesting.

I think dannyb makes a very good point - if the state school happily prepares pupils for the entrance tests and ergo, that means other kids will also being going private at 11 then great. Go for it. Save the dosh.
However if it doesn't and all the pupils, especially all your child's friends, will be tripping off to the same state school at 11 then think carefully whether it will be a wrench for her. whetner it will single her out.
My neice is steadfadtly refusuing to sit for a bursary to a local private school because she doesn't want to be seperated from her mates. Also the other mothers are being very sniffy in a 'so our schools not good enough is it?' way.