why do mumsnetters think it is not ok to send your dc to a private school?

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i am amazed by some of the ideas on here.
why do mnetters think it is so wrong?

I'd like to know, if all state schools were upto standard and offered a good quality education would people still be against indie schools? Specifically because of the 'extras' they offer taking any perceived social benefit(or not) out of the equation.

Meant to add,
and if you object to the fact that some parents pay for these 'extras', how do you see that as different from some children having, say, a bigger garden or being taken on more holidays. Am quite curious about this. Genuinely.

I think people would still privately educate even if all state schools offered an excellent education, myredcardigan.

Lots of reasons - family tradition, the perception of being a member of an elite, the networking advantages in adult life, the wider opportunities for expensive hobbies etc. To be honest, I'd love my dds to go to school in a beautiful listed building with a chapel where they could sing Bach cantatas, an amphitheatre and an all-weather lacrosse pitch. I'm just not prepared to pay for it!

For me there are some fundementals which I feel strongly enough about to act on (Health and Education mainly), and then there are the added extras in life which I don't stress about.

Conversely I'd like to know if most parents who send their children to private schools would continue to pay for it if that happened myredcardigan?

There is a big difference between a education and a holiday. No child seriously suffers from not being taken on an expensive holiday, or even from having a big garden. But I don't think it is possible to say that a poor education is anything but a major disadvantage.

Going cold at the thought that my socialist ideals could lead to me having to holiday at Butlins... Mustn't dwell on the inequalities of holidays too long.

I think the reason you'll find that there may be THE IMPRESSION that Mnetters are against private is because - and it amuses me!- how many private-choosing parents, after the usual 2 or 3 platitudes about 'choosing the right school for my DC', in their next response, once challenged, start talking 'better', 'advantage', 'selective' and so on- divisive words, indeed. Shortly they start on the 'I should be given a tax break for taking my DC out of the state system and doing all you oiks a favour'. 'You're failing your DCs by sending them state', the 'I can do what I like with my money, it doesn't affect you'...yes it does. There are only a given number of places at Russell Group universities. If your less clever but hot-housed DC gets that place over my brighter, comprehensive schooled DC, yes it affects me. You'll then say 'Serves the state schools right for not being better' BUT state schools have to take all-comers, and can't select on income AND intellect like private can.. and watch those particular private-choosers OUTRAGE if it's suggested a lower entry requirement for a state school child!

These issues annoy people.

And, for my tuppencehapporth's worth, and on a far more global scale, I feel it's the sanctioning and promotion of these inequalities which had lead to the incredibly divided society Britain has become. We like to see ourselves as a meritocratic society but we patently aren't. I am always amazed at the number of MNetters who went to the local state school themselves, deemed themselves to have done 'OK' in life but who now couldn't possibly COUNTENANCE sending their own DCs to a private school. That's downright snobbery...

The 'Does anyone know a good private school in 'X'?' post, not 'Does anyone know of a school in 'X' that might suit my DC?'.

Those grate.

See - this is why I chose the closest school, just for these occasions when I've stayed on here when I should have left to pick them up 5 mins ago!

Orm, first of all, yes I would continue to pay.

Secondly, I was asking the question in a hypothetical 'all things being equal on the core education/teaching part'. I think the above and beyond extras are able to be compared to garden/holiday etc. I amnot talking about the fundamentals.

Wessexgirl, none of those reasons appeal to me in the slightest.

ds is at a private, sex selective school. I'm not ashamed of this. He's happy, this is what is important.

I'm off now by the way.

What are the 'above and beyond extras' then, in your view, myredcardigan?

Oh,Ive posted them loads of times. It's primary BTW
-classes of 15
-F/T nursery nurse in each class
-About 20acres to play in
-State of the art play equipment and climbing frames and oak tress with rope swings.
-Swimming pool and courts for a vast amount of sports which are taught by specialists.
-Music tuition twice weekly from reception,again taught by specialists.
-Regular visiting authors/artists people of interest.
-Specialist art rooms which are well stocked.
-Visiting theatre productions and people who come in and turn the classroom into the topic being learned. This looks amazing and whilst not essential really trully adds to the learning experience and is a good indicator of what I pay for.
-Superbly stocked library with sofas and attractive surroundings. Really makes the kids want to use it.
When we visited I said wow! I still, regularly say that. It's fab and I would have loved to have gone to school there. Everything is so exciting.

Lots more but I'm sure this is enough to bore you!

I think a lot of the hostility comes from people who went to a good state school and whose dcs are at good state schools and simply cannot understand why you'd pay for something that's freely available

My sil is like that went to one of the best state schools in the land and was aghast that I wanted to privately educate my dcs - though in a nice way, as she is a nice non-judgemental person. She had to have it explained to her that she has an outstanding ofsted school at the end of her road while I then had a failing one, which had the nickname the "strangle school" because of the behaviour of some of its pupils

Ironically, now her ds is nearly 11 she's realised the local comp is not a fabulous place like the one she went to and is desperately investigating private schools. She told me she couldnt' believe what fantastic places they were and how unstuffy. I, on the other hand, have investigated the local primary which has been transformed by a brilliant head and am now going to send dd1 there, which I would never have believed a year ago. To summarise, we probably all need to be a bit more open minded.

Actually,the 'elite' perception is the only thing I really dislike.

I can walk there too, BTW!

I teach in state primary and no way could we afford either the facilities or the resources of my DCs school.

My local primary really is outstanding and not just on paper, yet I still choose to pay for all the reasons I've mentioned.

Some very interesting points raised.

My SIL is very "anti" private schools - but that didn't stop her selling up and moving house to be in the right catchment area for her preferred primary school. I found that attitude a bit hypocritical, tbh.

It would be wonderful to think we could live in a society where all children anjoyed equality of opportunity - but, sadly, I don't see how that's ever going to happen. Even at the pre-school I'm involved with, the differences in attainment between pre-schoolers is marked. It's clear which ones come from homes where they are stimulated, encouraged to look at books etc - and those ones who are not similarly priviledged.

And then there's the question of parental attitudes to education. Some paremts simply don't value education - they don't ensure regular attendance at school, or that homework is completed or that books are read, and so on.

Thanks, mrc - this is the first time I've ventured on to one of these state/private threads so I'm sorry to make you repeat yourself .

"My local primary really is outstanding and not just on paper, yet I still choose to pay for all the reasons I've mentioned." Me too, Myredcardy.

OP - no idea why it's regarded as so bad. It just seems to be one of those things that lots of MNers get their collective knick-knacks in a twist about!

teslagirl-you have real issues if you think 'better', 'advantage', 'selective' are divisive. Some schools are better, offer greater advantage and can be selective in admissions process. These attributes are true in both the state and private sector.

Oh don't worry, WG! I wasn't sighing, just think I should save it once so I can cut and paste!

imo if there were no private schools then the standard of education in the public sector would have to be raised dramatically in order to keep the upper middle classes happy. Then all the brightest kids who can't afford to go to private school would enjoy the standard of education they deserve and dumbing down would stop. We'd have a much more literate population as a result.

I would like every child to have a good education, but I am afraid that I am like many politicians and am not going to sacrifice my DCs for an ideal.
I am aware that I shouldn't really get involved with the discussion because I manipulate the state system to suit me. I deliberately choose to live in a good catchment area, I could find my dream house but I wouldn't entertain having it, for one minute, if it was the 'wrong' side of the dividing line. All my friends who use the state system get the best out of it for their DC. I notice that a lot of those worried about state education live in London.
I think that even more than state/private we get the selective/non-selective on here. It gives my a wry smile that the majority of Mumsnetters assume their DC would get a grammar school place. I have never heard a single campaigner asking for secondary modern schools to be reinstated!

totalmisfit-interesting, so just like the NHS is working so beautifully because everyone... lower, middle and upper classes are involved. hmmmmm i think an absence of private schools will unfortuantely not raise standards in the public sector.

I would consider if the local schools were really bad.

But, we would need to sacrifice quite a lot as a family to be able to afford to do that, for example holidays, which is something I really dont want to do, the happiest days of my youth were family holidays. And I think family holidays can be a wonderful education.

Also, I would like to think that my children will have as much exposure to different things as possible, different children, background, families, way of life etc. And I dont believe that is so possible in a private education setting.

I like my dd's having their best friend just over the road or round the corner, I like them walking to school.

And it would worry me that if we could afford it easily and sent them and then something happened (lost job) etc then could we still afford to send them.

So thats my reasons for not picking private education. All very valid from my point of view I think.