6 year old so upset about school move

[jsl21jsl]

I’m changing my 6 year olds school (she’s just finishing year 1, going in to year 2). I’ve recently told her and she’s so upset, really worrying about missing her friends and not making new ones.
She has some lovely friendships but I’m really unhappy with the school and do feel it’s the right choice. I just feel so horrendously guilty, and worried that if she doesn’t make friends or doesn’t like the new school I’ll have made a terrible decision.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did your child do ok?

Why are you moving her? It sounds like she's happy there.

Edit: I know that I'm not answering your question, but I think you want reassurance and I don't think I can give you that.

Why are you unhappy with the school?

Why are you moving her ?
Its a bold move to make when she’s happy .

Children learn best when they are happy. Is the move imperative?
At primary I really don’t think it makes a ton of difference - we had to move house and DD went from a high performing to a low performing school. She still aced her SATS with top marks in two of them. It’s the child not the school.
Looking back, in an ideal world I would not have moved her because she had friendship issues in the new school and it made her miserable.

What makes you unhappy about the school? Can this be addressed by offering something extra at home? If she is happy it seems odd that you are not!

Have you booked her in for some taster days at the new school? Children move all the time and they adapt well. If the school is better then she will be happier in the long run. And you can of course keep in touch with her friends from the old school too.

I moved schools when I was six OP and I still remember it. Not a good experience, even though in my case it was necessitated by family circumstances rather than personal preference. I remember my dad giving me a box of crayons with a pat on the head as an acknowledgement of how well I'd handled the move and, even at that tender age, feeling like these crayons in no sense represented an accurate measure of what I'd been through. People say 'kids adapt' and to an extent that is true but it is also one of those things people say to make themselves feel better. I think the process of adaptation is not without unpleasantness.

I hope you have very good reasons for moving a settled child who has made good friends

I disagree actually. We moved our kids aged 7 and 9 and even years later if they are tired or unhappy they talk about where they used to live and go to school and wish they still had their old friends. It’s loads more disruptive than you’d think.

It’s one of the things that I think I would do differently if I’d known what I know now.

More disruptive than people who either need to make that move regardless, or simply want to, and are prioritising their own desires, are generally happy to admit to themselves.

@MinasamaI’m sorry to hear that. Perhaps I’m just being hopeful as we have moved house recently and out of necessity our children are moving primary schools.
The school we are leaving had such a lot of movement - 15 left since reception and been replaced with 15 new children. All the parents I’ve spoken to said how quickly their children settled and adapted

I’m with others that I’m not convinced it’s right to move them. Why can’t you leave them in their current school?

I've had a few kids join my class at that age, it actually can be tricky for them to settle into class dynamics. I'd really think about how to approach this with her and give her loads of support with settling. There's much less play by year 2 so not as much socialising, I'd try and get some play dates set up ASAP once she moves.

It would be interesting to hear, a few years down the line, whether those children's reflections line up with what the parents are currently reporting.

I wonder if @minasama Would have said at the time that her kids had adapted well and settled. I think a lot of the time, you see what you want to see.

Having said that, there are lots of very valid reasons to move. I'm ultimately glad my parents did.

Let's maybe just do away with the pretence that changing schools is not a big deal and that kids breeze through it largely unaffected!

You are bang on - initially we thought they had adapted well. It was only after a difficult second year (year 6,) and the realisation that now even 5 years later every time one of the girls is upset they bring up fond memories of where we used to live, that we’ve realised just what a huge uprooting it was for them.

The problem is that there’s this comparison and the move can be blamed for everything. (“This wouldn’t have happened if we still lived in X town.”’) This only comes out when they are distressed but it is there.

Good luck with it all, I don’t want to spook anyone. Sometimes we do have to move!

I think you've had some quite one sided responses OP. My parents moved me for the start of year 3 and it was fine. I settled, made new friendships quickly. I don't remember it being an issue at all. Each child is different. If your child has strong social skills they will make new friends! My sister was moved in year 5 and she found it a lot trickier. I think that's probably developmentally a harder time to move but also she was always more awkward and reserved than me. I too would be interested to hear what has disappointed you about her current school. My DD is the same age and there is a lot of movement in her year so your DD probably won't be the only one!

A single move will be fine, people are asking for info because there is a bit of a trend of overthinking, FOMO parents who are never quite happy and move their kids around quite a lot. For these situations the lack of stability is worse than whatever minor issues the parent has with each school.

It's more confusing to stay in the same area, stay in touch with local people at the old school but switch. It's possible that your DD will feel left out by her old friends and some of their parents will be a bit off with you for deciding their choice of school wasn't good enough for you, so manage these relationships carefully.

The reason is that she’s currently in a school where academic outcomes are poor, high turnover of staff and lots of turbulence. She has the opportunity to attend an independent school instead. I’m just torn as she is happy and settled, and if she didn’t settle in to the new school I’d feel really terrible for making that decision

But ie she doing well and progressing as she should be? That's what I'd be focussed on.

I remember moving at that age, I can still remember walking through the school and saying goodbye and I was so sad.. I wouldn't move a happy child

Has she done a taster day at the new school? I would try to arrange that asap and make an informed judgement after that. If she absolutely hates it and has a miserable time then that will help you make a more informed decision.

She has done a taster day. They said she got on well and seemed happy. She told me it was ok but that she still really doesn’t want to move. Obviously I will take her wishes in to account to an extent but I’m aware that 6 year olds are very in the moment, and she won’t be able to understand the potential benefits of the move

Is this about her or you ? She’s happy where she is

Sats results tell you much more about the intake than the standard of teaching

What do you mean by ‘an opportunity’?

Are you completely confident that you won’t ever have to move her again? Not grandparents paying and then they change their minds in a few years or a bursary that will be reassessed and she won’t get another one.