6 year old so upset about school move

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I’m changing my 6 year olds school (she’s just finishing year 1, going in to year 2). I’ve recently told her and she’s so upset, really worrying about missing her friends and not making new ones.
She has some lovely friendships but I’m really unhappy with the school and do feel it’s the right choice. I just feel so horrendously guilty, and worried that if she doesn’t make friends or doesn’t like the new school I’ll have made a terrible decision.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did your child do ok?

I don’t know how to advise you OP. It sounds like a very difficult decision and I can appreciate the arguments on both sides.

I’m interested in the responses as I have considered moving my child, who is approaching the end of reception. The school got a dismal Ofsted report in the interval between being allocated a school place and starting school, which caused a lot of angst. There has been huge staff turnover, changes in leadership, academisation, children leaving. But my child is happy, has friends and seems to be making good progress.

I currently feel that, for my own child, the tumult caused by a move would potentially be more harmful than keeping them at the current school. Obviously, I’ll keep a very close watch on this.

I think it’s slightly different if you’re considering a move from state to private, which is likely to be more of a switch than the move to another state school.

I moved my DC at the end of year 3. Slightly different as they hadn't got a good group of friends but had only just after being there since reception made one close friend.
DC was really upset, didn't want to leave but enjoyed the taster day.
My DC is genuinely happier now, I hadn't realised how miserable the school made them until I moved them (we moved house) so I'm glad, but I did have a lot of hesitation and worry about it going the wrong way.

I have ensured they have stayed good friends with the close friend they had though.

Dear god, children make friends! I moved every 2.5 years as a military child, for my entire school life, I never had a problem making friends.

MN is weird sometimes.

After a couple of months she will probably struggle to remember her old friends names!

Totally agree with @whatsadentist
weird comments in here. She’s 6!
I moved my daughter to a different area and different school at the beginning of y2. She is quite reserved but she has coped and is doing fine. Girl friendships do get tricky from y4 and she’s found it hard but I have many friends in different parts of the country with girls in the same year and they say the same.
I remember being so happy at primary and like many people I struggled in secondary to make the kind of friendships I had at primary. But I coped!

@whatsadentistthank you so much for posting! This thread was making me feel like a terrible parent for moving my DC’s schools at the end of this term due to a house move. Was beginning to think I’d be causing irreparable harm

I moved schools due to a house move when I was 6. The difference was I hated my old school and was happy to leave. I made friends on day 1 and was very happy at new school. I understand your concerns, my sons school is a bit rough and I wish I sent him to the other local school but he is happy there and has lots of friends so I wouldn't move him. Secondary is much more important to send to a decent school than primary. I'm sure your child will be fine though and make friends. Hopefully it's the right decision.

MN can be very flippant about poor achieving schools.

One thing that’s struck me reading this thread is a lot of the arguments about staying in the same school could also be said about staying in a bad marriage, but that’s rarely if ever advised on here.

How is YOUR child doing OP? Lots of children move schools for lots of reasons and they are fine even if the move is not because they are doing badly/unhappy in their old school. So in lots of ways it's fine. However if she isn't really doing poorly in her current school and isn't unhappy, she will probably reach her protentional there, even if some of the children are less able or less well nurtured.

Dear God

Not everyone is like you!

@whatsadentist - like you we moved frequently as children thanks to a military father (I went to 3 different schools in my final year of primary school because of how the postings fell with pre and post posting leave etc). In total I went to 7 schools before going to boarding school at 11. I was OK with it but my younger sibling hated all the moving, changing friends, schools and teachers. They really suffered from the lack of consistency. So every child is different. Some cope with change, some thrive but others do not. Unfortunately it's not a case of one size fits all.

My family moved around a lot, I moved school at 6 and I was very nervous but I loved my new school very quickly. My older siblings really struggled making new friends, I think 6 is a very good age for a change like this and she'll be fine. Scandinavian countries change from nursery to school at 7, prep schools change at 7 in the UK too.

I think the issue is with the assumption that it's always fine - children adapt, make new friends quickly, no lasting harm is done, etc.
It's assumed by many to be a fact when lived experiences reported here show that it's not universal, many children are not fine, adapt painfully or slowly or both, wish they hadn't been forced to move and are left with lasting negative feelings around it.

I also think there is a kind of cultural narrative around this, "children are adaptable!" which is probably rooted in the fact that people cared a lot less about children's mental health and wellbeing in the 80s/90s and even less if you go back further than that. Maybe some people really were fine but I think many others were "fine" because everyone expected them to be and assumed that they were and told them that "children are adaptable!" and so these messages became internalised. And perhaps some of these now adults who experienced this upheaval as a child have never even properly thought about how they were impacted.

Ultimately as parents you can't know when making the move, and nor can you really tell from what happens afterwards. It's probably only looking back after some years have passed that the person who was made to move can say if & how they were impacted.

Change is scary.
She's scared.
But we shouldn't avoid change for the better just because it's scary.
If you feel the other school is a better long-term prospect, move her. She will make new friends.

There ‘s a difference between moving schools because moving house-a 6 year old can begin to understand. Moving schools when you’re happy and settled and have lots of good friends and staying in the same house-not so much.