Ridiculous Highs School Rules

[glittermommy]

Do all schools really enforce such harsh rules on hair colour, make‑up, piercings, and even basic access to the toilet outside of break times?

It’s heartbreaking to see children becoming dehydrated because they are too scared to drink water as they’re denied toilet breaks. It’s devastating that girls are bleeding through their clothes because they’re not allowed to use the bathroom when they need to. These aren’t minor inconveniences, these are humiliating, traumatic experiences that no child should ever have to face. Some of these rules feel more like punishment than education, stricter than the treatment faced by people in prison.

Children are being pulled out of lessons, isolated, and given detentions for tiny, barely visible piercings, slightly too short haircuts, or hair dyed a shade that doesn’t “fit the rules”. Girls are told they can’t wear even the smallest amount of make‑up, as though their confidence and comfort don’t matter at all. I understand the need for some boundaries, but the level of control being imposed is becoming extreme, and it’s our children who are suffering for it.

I even had to send in a photo of my daughter’s prescription for the contraceptive pill she takes to manage heavy periods, simply to prove she needed a toilet pass. Imagine how humiliating that was, having such a personal medical need doubted by the people meant to support her. These children are trying to prepare for GCSEs and A‑levels, yet they’re missing out on vital education because of rules that seem more about power than wellbeing.

What makes this all even harder to accept is that many teachers can freely express themselves — colourful hair, piercings, tattoos — while students are punished for far less. How can we expect young people to feel respected, motivated, or mentally healthy when they’re denied even the smallest bit of individuality?

Our children deserve schools that nurture them, not environments that break their confidence. They deserve compassion, not control. With mental health issues rising among young people, it’s no wonder they feel overwhelmed when they’re treated more harshly than people who have committed serious crimes. A little freedom, a little understanding, and a little humanity could make all the difference to their happiness, behaviour, and futures.

Children are NOT becoming dehydrated because they don’t choose to have a drink during the school day. They will not wet themselves if they can only get to the toilet at certain times (the longest time between breaks is likely to be no more than 2 hours). Girls are not bleeding through their clothes on a daily basis.
The use of hyperbole does nothing to support your argument.
Girls should be able to use the toilet at short notice when on their period - how do you suggest this is managed?
Rules are rules. If you don’t agree to your dc having to follow the rules, you have a choice of working with the school - perhaps by becoming a parent governor - to change the rules; finding a less rule-led school or home schooling.
When your dc enter the world of work, they will have rules that they have to follow. In many cases, not following those rules could lead to dismissal.

I agree with @Soontobe60

Children are being pulled out of lessons, isolated, and given detentions for … slightly too short haircuts

Is this happening in the school your DC goes to? Really? Students are put in isolation because their hair is slightly too short?

There is a lot of hyperbole around school rules but people often exaggerate what is happening. Many schools have rules around use of the toilet in lessons time to try to stop vandalism and vaping in toilets. What do you suggest they do?

The line about teachers having piercings and tattoos always annoys me so much. Do the teachers wear school uniform? Do they have to go to lessons and do HW? No. They are not part of the student body. Of course they have different rules. But they will have a dress code – I have seen posts in the last few weeks from teachers where the male staff have to wear a suit or where no visible tattoos are allowed. That won't be the same in every school but there will be rules for the teachers. They are different rules from the students but – newsflash – teachers can't go to the loo whenever they want to either. Not if they are teaching a class.

I am a teacher and I would like to give my perspective. I don't make the uniform rules and actually couldn't care less what they are but I do believe in uniform to even the playing field, give a sense of community and as a parent I know if they was no uniform my kids would want an extortionate amount of designer brands which I can't really afford.

Yes, schools have a lot of rules and teachers don't have to wear uniform etc, we did our time when we were at school. Personally, I try to dress appropriately and follow my school staff dress code which is smart casual. Children do need to learn how to follow rules, it's not violating their human rights to tell them they can't wear a nose piercing to school, even if their slightly whacky drama teacher wears one. When they get older they can chose a job which let's them wear what they want. The staff don't bully each other over what they are wearing. The students do.

I never prevent a child from using the toilet but I will discourage them at first e.g. "It's ten minutes till break, are you able to hang on?" The reason for this is because there are many students who would be out of the lesson all the time given half a chance, and also when you have an hour to get through the content and every 5 minutes someone dips out to go to the toilet it is very disruptive and you spend your whole lesson explaining over and over. It doesn't hurt students to learn a bit of personal responsibility. I am perimenopausal and have incredibly heavy periods. I cannot leave my classes to go to the toilet but I can manage to plan to get through 1 hr by popping to the toilet just before the end of lunch etc. I can also manage to survive an hour without needing to go and fill up my water bottle....another favourite request when I am mid explanation.

As for jewellery and earrings, most schools I've worked in allow discrete make up, a stud in each ear, single necklace, one ring etc. Teenagers will always find a boundary to push and if I excuse your dd for the additional pair of studs she is wearing then when I get to the next person who is wearing 2 inch hoop earrings, 6 studs in each ear and 5 necklaces or the girl with the massive acrylic nails and false eyelashes then those students will kick up a massive fuss and refuse to comply based on the policy being unfairly applied "It's not fair, you didn',t tell her off" This is literally my daily battle. So, we have to be rigidly consistent in applying whatever policy is in place otherwise the teenagers and sadly their parents will argue that we are being unfair or picking on their child. Add the that the increasing pressure for send needs, many students who have adhd which presents as not coping with injustice or unfairness.

Most people can't really comprehend what it is like in the classroom these days. I must ensure I give child x a clear but smiley warning first, but I must do it discretely so they don't feel humiliated and they must be allowed to sit near their friend by the window because that reduces their anxiety (where they will talk all lesson) and I mustn't put them on the spot and ask them questions because heaven forbid as a teacher I try to work out what they know. But then, don't forget child y also wants to sit in that corner of the room but child y mustn't sit near child x's friend and child y is allowed to wear their own hoodie because of their anxiety but child x isn't. And then there's child z who doesn't like too much noise so I must keep it quiet and remember to look for when they put their water bottle on the table because that's when they are becoming dysregulated and need my help. Oh and don't forget to be giving personalised feedback and targeting your pupil premium students and doing the formative assessment and have the resources printed for child c, and the wobble cushion for child d. And remember not to raise your voice or use sarcasm when child a walks into the room shouting expletives and declaring they aren't doing any work today....don't forget his behaviour is all your fault, all behaviour is communication and you've clearly not met his needs well enough.

I've explained to my tutor group over and over when they are asking my why I can't just ignore it that it is my job. It says in my contract that I will uphold the rules. As a teacher my slt will judge me based on that and I have been picked up for not enforcing the rules. The culture for staff in schools is becoming increasingly toxic and we are expected to follow policy and procedures like robot. Our schools are full to the brim and class sizes are becoming more unmanageable. I've seen several experience dcolleagues pushed out for not conforming and I need to pay my mortgage.

To be honest yes these things would be devastating, However, I doubt they are really happening. Lessons are rarely more than an hour long, maybe two if the kid has a double period. Unless you are talking about young primary school kids, which I don't think you are, going to the toilet more frequently than once an hour would only be a problem if they had a serious illness or disability. Even a girl with a period shouldn't regularly need to change more than hourly.

The thing I think people forget is that there are different sides to every story. What about the kids who go out to avoid lessons? Or the ones that get bullied in the toilets? Or the ones that use their phones to chat to people online in their toilet breaks? Teachers are then criticised for failing to safeguard these children. What about the kids who don't like school and start missing what they need to know because they spend chunks of each lesson in the loo? To be honest teaching 30 kids is hard enough, without having to keep track of a constant stream of kids who can't organise themselves to go to the loo in break time. Plus what do you actually do when you are mid lesson flow and realise that Jemima's been in the loo for ages? Do you leave the class to check on her? Do you call for pastoral to check on her? Do you get another student to check on her? It's all stuff that detracts, yet again, from actually teaching.

Ex teacher

we Are absolutely not allowed to freely express ourselves via hair colour etc.

my school, and many other schools have a dress code and if you break it you’ll be having a quiet closed door chat with your boss.

you are not wrong about the toilets though but I would like to see a similar campaign for teachers as we often cannot go to the loo except in break times.

I have two DC at a large state secondary school and don't recognise anything you have written!

Children can have their hair however they want. Shaved off. Dyed blue. Whatever. They can wear black trainers and shorts skirts. They can personalise their blazer with pin badges declaring their sexuality/political ideology/favourite band.

None of my children or their friends get dehydrated. They just use the toilets at break and lunch if needed (my DC don't use the school toilets at all - they never have - but they still drink at school!)

They can't wear piercings - for PE safety reasons I think. Makeup is fine but long false nails are not allowed.

It's an outstanding school with amazing results.

If you aren't happy with your child's school then I'd recommend looking at other schools locally to see if there are others that you prefer?

Ds secondary school they must wear a shirt and tie, black trousers or skirt and then pretty much anything else goes. No daft rules about make up or hair, or specific shoes, blazers are optional.

The toilets are locked during class and sometimes nobody comes to open them at break. This is absolutely shocking, access to a toilet is a basic human right. Ds does not use the toilets at school. There is no alternative, kids would have to leave class, go to the office and ask for toilet to be opened, then the janitor called and then you might get let in, by that point if you're unwell or desperate it could be too late! Ds has a friend who phoned his mum who takes him home to use the toilet and brings him back again. It utterly ridiculous that this is going on.

Do all schools really enforce such harsh rules on hair colour, make‑up, piercings, and even basic access to the toilet outside of break times?
No. At my DD's school there are no particular rules about make-up and hair colour. A lot of girls wear fairly light make up, some go heavy - false eye lashes etc. and a few have a more alternative look. There seems a trend at the moment for dying hair a sort of dark maroon colour. A couple have a blue tone. Piercings limited to one in each ear. Others must be replaced with a clear stud. Skirt length comes up a lot in assembly. There are rules about toilet use otherwise a lot of learning time is lost. It is strongly discouraged in lesson time. Internal truancy is a constant issue. Kids may go to the toilet arrange to meet friends & then never return to the lesson. If everyone could just pop to the toilet at anytime things would quickky descend into bedlam. It is never more than 2 hours from the next break so medical issues aside kids should be able to wait. However, if a student asked in good faith teachers do use discretion.
There aren"t 'harsh' punishments. For a uniform rule infraction (not having your blazer or similar) there would probably just be a verbal reminder, then a 'behaviour point' & only if it was persistent would a 'reflection' (detention) occur. The 'zero toleance' approach that I see described sometimes on MN isnt followed. There are pluses and minuses to this. Im ok with it, but i know other parents would prefer a stricter & more rigid approach. It is a nuanced thing. However, like in a lot of areas of the country I didnt choose it. It is the only secondary my DD can practically attend.

I would say when people suggest 'look for another school' for many that just isnt practical. We get free transport to our nearest secondary. There really isn't a viable alternative unless you are catholic & can afford £800+ bus costs. A lot of people dont have a choice.

My dc are at high school and don't seem
to have these issues. They just wear the uniform correctly.

Mine hate the school toilets and avoid going where possible. This is mostly because other dc are in there in groups in 1 cubicle, vaping, using phones etc. I can't see that being less controlling about toilet access would actually make them nicer or more usable for dc like mine.

I cant see what schools are meant to do to create a safe and useful learning environment whilst also accommodating everyone's wish to do exactly what they want when they want it.

It blows my mind the extent to which parents defend and facilitate their dc poor behaviour, lack of compliance and self centredness.

Schools could be a lot more relaxed if they could rely on pupils doing what they were supposed to, surely?

What absolute shite.

All these rules are the same as the ones we had at secondary school in 1992 😂😂

Oh come on, when we were at school we were only ever allowed to use the loo during breaks and it was never a problem (including for teenage girls). If kids don't learn to manage this, how will they cope at work when a shift, or the nature of the job, may mean they have to go hours without a loo break?
All the other stuff is just basic school rules, and is about giving kids a bit of discipline - it's your job as a parent to support the school.

Why is the OP written by AI?

My daughter’s secondary school had very strict uniform rules which were enforced quite rigidly. Absolutely no make up or dyed hair/extreme hair styles was allowed until the sixth form, but girls with pierced ears were allowed to wear very small sleeper earrings to prevent the holes from closing up. Detentions were given for uniform breaches, such as wearing a coat that didnt meet the uniform code or wearing a skirt much too short, but I’m not aware of this being an issue because parents were aware of the school’s expectations when they applied to the school and accepted a place. There was a similar staff dress code which always appeared to be upheld. If I had not been willing to accept the school rules then I would have sent my daughter to a different school.

I find it hard to believe that girls are regularly ‘bleeding through their clothes’ because they’re refused permission to go to the toilet during 45-60 minute lessons, and there’s no way they’re becoming dehydrated because they’re denied toilet breaks. If your daughter has a medical condition that means she needs special treatment, such as a toilet pass, then what is the issue in providing evidence of this?

Good lord. Just stick to the rules. Most children of secondary age are more than capable of managing their thirst and have sufficient control over their bladder to not need to disrupt lessons and remain perfectly well hydrated.

I went to school in the 60s and 70s. We got a beaker of water with our lunch. I never got dehydrated. Except for about 20 days a year in the UK providing someone drinks plenty between 4.30pm and 8am, they are not going to get dehydrated.

My period was due during my O'Levels and there were a couple of three hour papers. I mentioned it to my mum and she advised to wear a pad as well as a tampon. At work I pop to the loo on arrival, usually at about 10.30-11, after lunch and before I come home. I'm 65, have a weak bladder subsequent to a prolapse in childbirth. If I can manage, I'm sure teens can.

DD went to school today in smart trousers and a nice blouse. Hair tied back (nits about), no necklace (some of the dc would grab it, ditto earrings), no make-up because she leaves the house at 7am, sensible loafers. She's a secondary school teacher - she follows a dress code.

Blimey - that sounds so so hard @WonderingWanda . I would not have the patience - hats off to you,

I hope we (society) are right to make so many allowances for young people and they will eventually grow up with the necessary resilience to cope with life!

My friend works in a primary and as staff they are not allowed bare shoulders so no wide strapped vest tops, most wear capped sleeve tops in summer.

As for bleeding through uniform I know some girls who are wearing period knickers every day that way they do not get caught out in lessons.

Children cannot be out of the classroom during lessons due to safeguarding. My children's secondary had a member of staff on duty outside the toilets at all times around lessons. There was a chair meaning they could sit and mark work. The toilets were like service station toilets where there is a wide entry and you can only see a wall and the sinks were behind the wall with cubicles on either side.

If uniform is strict children usually kick against that as it is the easiest way to show how badass you are. Take that away how does this same child show they are badass?

I don't think you providing your DD's prescription for the pill is embarrassing, it is hardly like they are parading her in front of assembly. Lots of parents will lie to get their child something or out of something. This just helps with that.

You can always move your child to a different school or homeschool, they have to be educated, nowhere does it say it has to be in a school environment. And I say this as someone who detested my incredibly strict school. I chose one for my children because I knew they would pull children up on their disruptive behaviour in class meaning they could learn stuff.

No our school don’t do that at all

The OP has an issue with her child’s school. My guess would be that it’s because her child is trying to bend the rules and has been sanctioned for it. The amount of hyperbole in that post is laughable.

If you disagree with the rules, if you think your child’s future will be impacted by following the rules, if you think those expectations don’t matter, find a school that has expectations that align with your own.

Strange tone to the post.

No-ones getting dehydrated at school through fear or being traumatised being expected to go to the toilet during breaks or not wear make-up.

Also, anyone over the age of 15 comparing school to prison is just ridiculous.

if you don’t like the school rules send them somewhere else! Schools need rules, workplaces have rules. Society needs rules. Do we agree with some of the rules? No but they are there for a reason.

You are aware teachers can't use the toilet too, right?

Uniform polices allow for an even approach for all schools. Staff have policies too, they are different in some ways, similar in others.
I have tattoos that I cover as best I can, I have piercings but they don’t interfere with my job. Students who have long false nails or false eyelashes are affected - false nails means they struggle to do things like cooking or using scalpels effectively. False eyelashes - some of my students wear such thick ones they do actually impair their vision!!!
Our student toilets are trashed daily - graffiti, damage, littering, blocked toilets. I work in a good school, it happens everywhere. I use my common sense with toilet passes so no girl will bleed through their clothing..! But I will not let out certain students who are repeat offenders for truancy or vaping in the toilets, they have misused their chances.
Life has rules & policies, jobs have rules & policies, schools teach students this. I wish I could pee whenever I wanted when at work!!!

Also, no child in my classes have died of dehydration from waiting until break to fill up their water bottles….