Ridiculous Highs School Rules

[glittermommy]

Do all schools really enforce such harsh rules on hair colour, make‑up, piercings, and even basic access to the toilet outside of break times?

It’s heartbreaking to see children becoming dehydrated because they are too scared to drink water as they’re denied toilet breaks. It’s devastating that girls are bleeding through their clothes because they’re not allowed to use the bathroom when they need to. These aren’t minor inconveniences, these are humiliating, traumatic experiences that no child should ever have to face. Some of these rules feel more like punishment than education, stricter than the treatment faced by people in prison.

Children are being pulled out of lessons, isolated, and given detentions for tiny, barely visible piercings, slightly too short haircuts, or hair dyed a shade that doesn’t “fit the rules”. Girls are told they can’t wear even the smallest amount of make‑up, as though their confidence and comfort don’t matter at all. I understand the need for some boundaries, but the level of control being imposed is becoming extreme, and it’s our children who are suffering for it.

I even had to send in a photo of my daughter’s prescription for the contraceptive pill she takes to manage heavy periods, simply to prove she needed a toilet pass. Imagine how humiliating that was, having such a personal medical need doubted by the people meant to support her. These children are trying to prepare for GCSEs and A‑levels, yet they’re missing out on vital education because of rules that seem more about power than wellbeing.

What makes this all even harder to accept is that many teachers can freely express themselves — colourful hair, piercings, tattoos — while students are punished for far less. How can we expect young people to feel respected, motivated, or mentally healthy when they’re denied even the smallest bit of individuality?

Our children deserve schools that nurture them, not environments that break their confidence. They deserve compassion, not control. With mental health issues rising among young people, it’s no wonder they feel overwhelmed when they’re treated more harshly than people who have committed serious crimes. A little freedom, a little understanding, and a little humanity could make all the difference to their happiness, behaviour, and futures.

Sorry, but it's hard to really see this realistically if you have not worked in a school. I'm not even in favour of school uniform, as it happens, but if you have a uniform / dress code, you should stick to it. In the vast majority of cases, breaking the uniform rules is a deliberate choice. It's not accidental. Every single day, (nice, well-behaved) students in my school choose to come in wearing jewellery they know isn't allowed. Then they whinge when they get behaviour points. They might not like the rules, but it's very, very easy to stick to them. They just choose not to.

As for toilets - it's a nightmare. My school allows them to go to the toilet during lessons. It's very disruptive, because students will just ask to go to the toilet because they fancy a break from lessons. In some cases they pre-arrange to meet their friends from other classes. They vape. They use their phones. Some students clock up over 20 lesson-time toilet trips per week. When asked, parents confirm there is no medical reason for this.

And no, don't be daft. Of course teachers should not have the same rules that children do.

We now have schools where the children think they can negotiate everything, that rules are there to be broken and that ‘no’ just means ‘not yet, keep asking/pestering’. Children vandalise toilets, skip classes to hang out there, bully younger kids and then, when you try and punish the kids responsible, parents swear blind that because their child told them that it wasn’t them, it can’t have been them (even though we know they were out of class and CCTV has them going into the toilets at the time the incident happened). We have had to introduce all the stupid, overly punitive rules, because kids won’t be sensible in following the less ridiculous ones and their parents won’t hold them accountable when they break them! It’s sad, particularly for those who do abide by sensible rules, but it’s inevitable.

My school is a selective, all-girls school, and we have still had to crack down on them using toilets in lesson time - there would be some kids going practically every lesson, especially during the difficult bits, and usually less than 20 minutes after break!) When we go on coach trips, they manage up to 3 hours with no loo stop… so I don’t think an hour is unreasonable to ask. Children will ask to fill their water bottles up during lessons and, when you point out that they can’t be that thirsty if they’ve emptied their bottle since breaktime 40 minutes ago, sulk for the next ten minutes about how unreasonable it was and then ask to go to the toilet (and want to take their bottle with them…). We could let them go every time, without questioning it, but you can guarantee the parents will be asking us to provide catch-up support in our lunchtimes when they don’t do well in the next test (because they missed the explanation/practice).

I’d ask all parents who have kids that complain about not being allowed to go the toilet during lessons or not being allowed to fill water bottles at school to do a little study at home for a few days, over the weekend or during a holiday: how often does your child have a drink (Do they sit with a full water bottle next to them all day? If so, how often do they get up to refill it?) and how often do they go to the toilet? When do they go to the toilet - is it during their favourite TV show or while they’re gaming, or is it during dinner/homework/a chore you’ve asked them to do? If they are filling water bottles or going to the toilet less than once every two hours and they can sit for several hours at a time gaming without needing to go, then you can be reassured that they’ll be fine at school. They just need you to remind them to go at break time/lunchtime because that’s what that time is for. You might even encourage them to think about when is the best time for them to drink/stop drinking in order to not need it desperately in between breaks. (If they are going, routinely, every hour you probably need to book a GP appointment and the study you just did will be useful information.) If you have a child with a medical problem that means they need to use the toilet more frequently (very heavy periods, bladder issues, etc.) then you need to tell the school and, no, that isn’t sharing personal/embarrassing information, it’s making the people who are responsible for your child for 30 hours a week aware of their medical needs. Teachers will just be told to allow them to go, not why they need to.

Do all schools really enforce such harsh rules on hair colour, make‑up, piercings, and even basic access to the toilet outside of break times?
Rules about hair colour, make up and jewellery/piercings aren't new at all. It was the same in the 80s.
We were normally allowed to go to the loo in lesson time if needed, BUT we didn't abuse it. If we had, by vandalising/meeting friends etc, I've no doubt it would have been stopped.
Schools tend to be as strict as they need to be from what I can see.

Seriously?? Was this any different when you were at school? There are breaks when they can use the toilet.

It was the same in the early 70s when I was at secondary school too. My school was very strict with uniform, hair, and make up. We regularly had to kneel down and if our skirts didnt touch the floor, it was an automatic detention, and if you didn’t have long hair tied back in a lesson, a detention was given for that too, as well as if you were seen not wearing your hat on the way to or from school. I had my ears pierced when I was 12 and my mum had to send in a letter to ask that I be allowed to keep sleepers in for the first few weeks so that the holes didn't close up. The only jewellery we were ever allowed to wear was a watch and anything else was confiscated until the end of term. My daughter went to the same school many years later, and although some of the rules have relaxed, the school was still very strict about most things. She was sent home in the sixth form for not wearing regulation trousers or the correct black coat. It really didn’t do her, or me, any harm.