Home ed for Sen school refusers?

[sunnyd473]

Hi all, I’m desperately in need of advice 🙏
I have two daughters, one in Y4 and one in Y9. At present, neither are attending school due to their own issues.

Y4 dd is diagnosed with ASD, separation anxiety and selective mutism. This has got extremely bad, to the point she won’t leave my side or the house. No medication. School have tried to help, done referrals, she isn’t meeting criteria. I’m searching for private OTs and EPs to get reports to try and get an EHCP as she doesn’t have one. School say they don’t have enough evidence.
She is extremely bright, loves the outdoors and animals and has a big love for maths. We regularly do math problems together for fun. She is also a huge book worm and has a library of books.

Y9 dd is diagnosed with PoTS and anxiety. She has had several CAMHS involvements including group work and 1 to 1 sessions but ultimately discharged NFA. She is currently prescribed melatonin and has been asked to try travel sickness tablets to leave home.
She moved to her new school and wasn’t put in groups with anyone she knew; she is hugely reliant on friends or just a friendly face and I made this known when we applied. She refused to attend until she was with someone she knew, several weeks passed and school made this happen. She still however refuses to attend, saying she doesn’t want to leave the house, she feels too sick, school is too big, has too many people and has too much going on all the time.
I’ve been in constant contact with both school and GP as I believe she is depressed as well as anxious. A referral has gone back in to CAMHS, she’s on a waiting list for some 1 to 1 work, but apparently there is nothing more that can be done.
School said as she is ‘just refusing’ they will fine me from after half term every week she is off. I argued this, saying she’s off due to mental health and got GP evidence and this has now quietened and I have welfare checks weekly.

I am disabled myself, I have cervical spinal stenosis and OA in both knees, so I’m not amazing right now. All my energy daily goes to the girls.
I’m finding that support is just non existent, and I am extremely close to home educating both of my daughters as I have been doing this anyway just to keep their brains ticking by using Twinkl which they both engage quite well in.

Can anybody tell me what may be my pro’s and con’s of going home Ed for them both? I am strongly considering it at this stage as I just don’t feel I am getting any help.

Thank you xx

I think that if you electively HomeEd the LA will just use that as a reason to wash their hands of you.

So I wouldn't do this officially.

I'd make as much noise as possible that my children were not in school due to EBSA that they need EHCPs, tutors, etc.

Feel free to Home Ed unofficially but don't say you have chosen it.

You'll get some fab advice on the SEN board.

For the year 4 daughter.

Go on to the IPSEA website. There is a section on how to apply for an ehcp youself.

You do have evidence. She has her asd diagnosis and is not attending school. The school must have tried some things to help. They didn't work. List what was tried and failed.

Noone will want to pay, but the school/LA could pay for an alternative provision aimed at building confidence to reintegrate. Something like a sport group or animal care. Lots of charities do equine therapy.

In terms of elective home education. Cahms etc wont wash thier hands of you, but the LA no longer has a duty to sort out education so it would all be in you. But you can reneter the system anytime.

Have you found the website Not fine in School.

Oh op this was me ten years ago with my son. No support at all from school. It was a place of high anxiety for my son. In the end (beginning of year three) I took him out. He was a v depressed seven year old with such high anxiety and ocds. For us it was the best thing. I slowly introduced him to home education classes (much smaller). Out local home ed community was v active so I had two sometimes three days I dropped him at classes (in a house with twenty kids and five in each lesson) much better for him. The other days when I was off we’d do museum home ed workshops, galleries, home ed theatre trips, lots of trips out. Now if you do de register like me then it’s all on you but if you keep them on roll you can fight for EOTAS but I have to say my son was suffering as I battled along so we decided to go for it ourselves. Alongside all this home ed stuff he also did arts awards with a fabulous tutor, in fact still sees her online every week as he moves towards completing gold award. At 14 he attended a college for a year and did some GCSE’s. Many colleges offer a home education gcse course for home edders only. We looked at what he needed for further education course he wanted and did that amount, he’d not have coped with all the GCSEs that school do. His arts awards counted towards gcse credits too.

He’s now seventeen at college studying and I don’t regret any of it for a second even though I had wobbles over the years but this is normal for home edders. He blossomed once out of the school environment. My daughter went to school so I truly believe it’s about finding the right environment for the individual.

If you’re on Facebook then join Home Education uk and your local one too and there are many home ed meet up groups on Facebook . If you’d like to private message me I can give you links to events newsletters etc….

Infact v recently I was featured in a home ed online mag about my decision of why I home educated ten years ago due to EBSA even though I didn’t know a name for it back then.

You know your children best and for some the fight to keep them in school is worth it but for some the school environment does not feel safe for them. Only you know what environment your child will blossom.

There are many home edders on insta
and tik tok if you want a glimpse of what they get up to. It’s a very socialable life with so much going on all the time that you won’t fit it all into a week.

Youre not alone and the home ed community in the uk is swelling every week - it has tripled in the last five years.
There are sports days, picnic days, so much to choose from.

Good luck in whatever you decide and I hope they settle soon. Feel free to message me if you need to.

We took our son out of school in Y6.

He is suspected ASD/ADHD but we could never get a diagnosis as the support here is none existent.

He loved maths but really struggled with English. The teaching was lazy (sorry but it was) some of the work was incorrect (DS found several maths errors on the sheets they were given) and the teacher was unable to control the class.

He's a really smart lad and very STEM focused and we were worried that the school would put him off learning for life.

He was miserable, anxious, losing weight and coming home distressed. School just marginalised him and were no help at all. Even lied they had done tests that they hadn't!

We took him out and home schooled him for 6 months. We focused on maths and English using an online home schooling platform and he excelled. We did outdoor activities, history projects and cooking. He completely relaxed and started sleeping and eating again. He started smiling again which was the best thing.

He has now started at a secondary school with much smaller classes and more SEN support as is absolutely thriving! He's on track to get a 9 in Maths and Computer science and 7/8 in English!

Best decision we ever made and DS said home schooling was one of the happiest times in his life. Would absolutely do it again and it's much easier than you think. You can always catch up academically but you can't undo psychological damage easily.

Go for it!

You might want to get this moved to the Home Ed board. Join HEFA (Home Education for All) on Facebook there’s loads of useful info on there. Check out what your local scene is like. It sounds like it could work for you, particularly your younger child. I should imagine the removal of so much daily stress will improve your health too. You can still apply for ECHP but I believe it can be a bit more uphill, but once they’re out it may not be worth it although could be helpful for secondary. There’s very little they can’t study, if your local area is busy then plenty of chances to be social. If you don’t drive it can be harder and it can take a while to find your feet. Also the LA will expect you to engage with them fairly quickly, most of them seem to make enquiries quickly after de registering, so be prepared for that, you do not need to do home or in person visits and you can keep everything in writing. But honestly it’s not an ultimate/forever decision, you can try and if it doesn’t work then school is an option again. Good luck

Personally, I wouldn’t deregister and EHE. It is often easier, although not easy, to get support when you remain in the system. That doesn’t mean forcing DDs to attend school if they aren’t able to, though. It is easier for professionals to sweep DC’s needs under the carpet if you deregister and EHE.

Instead, I would request EHCNAs for both now. You don’t need EP and OT reports before making the request. I wouldn’t wait for the reports because anyone good with experience of writing reports for SENDIST, which is what you want in case you have to appeal, will have a waiting list and you don’t want to delay. Also, unless money is no issue, I would wait to see what you need. For example, if you have to appeal later down the line, you may decide the LA’s EP report will suffice, but you desperately need to target your money at a good SALT report. You don’t need the school to make the request or agree to you making the request. You can use IPSEA’s model letter.

You may have to appeal, potentially more than once, but EHCPs can fund far more, including therapeutic provision in excess of what DDs will otherwise get, than the vast majority of parents can afford to fund privately if they EHE. Once you have EHCPs, that can lead to more suitable provision and different placements. If it is inappropriate for provision to be provided in a school, there is also EOTAS/EOTIS. If you EHE, the LA doesn’t have the same duty to provide the provision the EHCPs. A tiny, tiny minority of cases get a small personal budget, but that is very rare.

In the meantime, if DDs are unable to attend school, the LA has a duty to ensure they still receive a suitable full-time education. On IPSEA’s website, there is also a model letter to request alternative provision. But if you EHE, the LA will say you are making suitable alternative arrangements, thereby relieving them of this duty.

Are there schools, whether mainstream or special, that you believe can meet their needs? If so then it is worth moving now if mainstream, and applying for an ehcp first if not.

If you don't believe that there are schools that can meet their needs, there is eotis, or home educating. Is your eldest in line to do gcse's, are you capable of supporting that and would she manage online schools? I am not putting you down there, no way I would be able to support someone doing gcse maths!

Home education doesn't have to look like school, so you can meet their needs in a way that schools may not be able to. But a good school that meets their needs is worth its weight in gold. One of mine had an awful time in mainstream primary and is now doing really well in a special school with ehcp. It does take a long fight to get there though, so start as soon as you can.

I'll post a link to the EHCP support thread. Don't give up on school just yet. Sounds like you need that school time to protect your own health.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_educational_needs/5309128-ehcp-support-thread-no-5?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

Thank you to everybody who has commented back on this, I am so so grateful for all of the information and advice given. I knew this was the best place to come.
thank you so much for your kindness xxx