What to do with a bright child?

[Mumanddone]

I will be accused of bragging but I really am looking for genuine ideas here please.

4yo DD has started reception. She is in a private school. She can read fluently, writes and her maths skills are great. She is basically bilingual. She carries a conversation like a grown up - she’s hugely imaginative and great fun to talk to. She’s not some prodigy - she’s actually a bit of a silly little girl prone to not listening but she is objectively very very bright.

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part. Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?

we decided for private school to boost her, but wondering if this is enough. I suppose there is a sliding scale to private education. Are there places better suited for her? Or is there something we should be doing to support her at home/ outside. She does the general run of clubs ie: drama, swimming etc.

Yup. But people are no saints.

Lots to think about. As a teacher, I certainly am not the breadwinner. A lot of my students do question why I got such good grades and ended up teaching. To be clear, I love teaching and think it’s a great job but it was a safe choice. I didn’t push myself because my parents who immigrated here and had to work to make ends meet didn’t have the mental or financial capacity to stretch me in any way. Who doesn’t want to improve their child’s lot going forward?

My parting thought before I toss my phone in a fire:

lots of you demonising the idea that children of any age would be shocked at what teachers are asked to do. Universally, teachers in this country are told to have high expectations for the children in their classrooms and to stretch them in classrooms. This is partially down to the fact that parental engagement is low and sometimes a teacher may be the only person in a child’s life who wants them to achieve and succeed. These aren’t dirty words. And of course children should play and get mucky and be silly and quibble. Those things aren’t mutually exclusive. If you don’t want your child to be stretched and held to a high standard, home school them

You tell your students what grades you got?

They always ask when it comes to exam years.

Errr... I thought home schooled children are the most stretched? 🤔 They have 1 to 1 tuition with the most invested "teachers" - their parents 🤷‍♀️

No, not everyone is ont spectrum. That's a damaging thing to say for those actually on the spectrum. Having a trait or two that is seen in those on the spectrum, is a personality trait.
Take care of your daughter hobbies, emotional intelligence and social skills if her academic ability is above expectations

My DD was similar OP. Crack on and ignore the armchair psychologists. My DD is now a happy adult with lots of friends, a partner and a good job.

She's not the first teacher on MN with a shocking attitude towards ND/disability.

Good to know. My DD’s future looks very bleak indeed if some of these comments are to be believed

Sure. If some of the parents I’ve heard from here are anything to go by then they mustn’t be asked to learn anything lest it stop them from playing though.

Agree that music lessons would be great - Kodaly method is fab (branded as Colourstrings when my DD was small) or Suzuki violin lessons are great for little ones. Also chess and games like Connect 4 or Set. But she does also need downtime. Don’t forget that research has shown that children do better if they learn in a play-based way until at least 6. I know that’s counterintuitive if you have a little brainbox.

thank you! She’s an only child and most of her evenings are playing at home and pottering around the house while I get on with cooking etc. She also watches a film (children’s films) every other night or so. There’s so many classes I want to do with her but we limit it to 2-3 activities a week with only 1 on a school night to prevent burnout.

I’m reluctant to post again since I’ve been told to shut up but I feel that you’re trying to right the wrongs in your own childhood here. Your daughter is 4. It’s great you have aspiration for her, I’m all in favour of that. But I worry that you have been failed by your own parents in an educational regard so you’re trying to right those wrongs with your own child. As j say, everyone goes through a re parenting process when they become a parent, that’s normal, but there is a real risk here that you are just a little over invested in this (to fix your own trauma) and you’ll harm her by being a bit heavy handed about it. I think you’d benefit from 6 months or so of therapy. I can see these regrets and anger bleeding across into your life and I think you’d gain a lot of benefit from it. I’m not going to check this chat so don’t direct abuse at me OP. I’m not going to be reading it. Take it from someone with a lot of experience and who wants to help.

OP I’ve posted a few times on this thread to the effect that your daughter sounds fine but you sound like you’ve got issues, and every post just reaffirms that - it is bizarre that you share your school results with your own students and odd that you seem to think teaching (your chosen profession) is for people less intelligent/successful than you.

I agree with the pp who suggested therapy to help you overcome whatever unresolved issues you have about yourself before it impacts your child.

A friend’s son was very advanced at age 4 - streets ahead of his peers in language, reading and maths, but it all evened out by university and he did ok but not a shining star like some of his group - wait and see, and let her be 4 but yes you can encourage her but don’t put too much pressure on her.

Does she speak additional languages?

I completely agree with this post. I am mum to an Autistic daughter too. Really shocked that the OP has such views when she is a teacher.

My daughter could read any book you put in front of her from an early age, excelled at maths, could speak early on. She is loving, clever, beautiful, witty and wise beyond her years.

She also becomes overwhelmed by loud noises, big crowds, smelly foods. She is blunt and literal. She struggles with communicating with her peers and is selectively mute. She is autistic.

The fact that she is autistic doesn’t take away any of her amazing and beautiful qualities.

How dare the OP suggest people are ‘accusing’ her daughter of being neurodivergent. It’s not a personality trait, it’s not linked to your moral worth. You either are autistic or you’re not.

I am not suggesting the OP’s daughter is ND. I couldn’t possibly know that. What I do know is for a teacher to use such language is out of order. The OP is an English Lit teacher. She should know that words and context matter.

Op this is the key takeaway for me. Resolve how you feel about yourself. Do not project that onto a small child. As an only child that’s too much of a burden.

A family friend has an only child (sort of by choice). Every time I hear about him I think he sounds like a project not a child.

A good friend of mine is one of 4 daughters. My friend is the oldest, very smart, incredibly hard working. Her mother pushed and pushed her for years to the extent that other adults were very aware of it - piano practice at 6 am etc. She developed an eating disorder as a teen which as far as I know lasted years. My theory on her mother is that she came from money married a guy with a blue collar job, and decided she wanted more for her daughters. The way she went about it was awful.

Your students asking why you are “only a teacher” is understandable as they are young themselves. Your reaction isn’t. We were consistently told at school to pick a uni course we had an interest in rather than one based on our results.

If you are sorry you picked teaching don’t deflect that onto your parents or your child, or even your students. If you want a different career, change it. If you actually like teaching, lose the “only a teacher” mentality, own your own life choice and realise you are lucky to have a job you like.

Please explain why it’s bizarre when gcse students ask you what you got in your exams to tell them? Some of them find it aspirational, others see it as an interesting piece of background knowledge about their teacher.

You are bragging and it doesn’t come across well…

how about letting her be a child? She may be a child genius but she needs time to play and explore. Calm down and back off a bit. You’ve years to do the pushy parent thing when she’s older.

OP, your daughter sounds delightful and you are clearly an engaged and loving parent, which means she already has 99% of what she needs at this age. You’ve had some great advice on how to stretch her in age appropriate ways, but a cautionary approach that focuses on wellbeing and resilience has been repeatedly recommended and I would throw my voice behind those comments. Yes, there’s also been the usual jealously, which you have understandably taken objection to, and rightfully plan to ignore.

But where I struggle is with your repeated poor language about other children, even more so as you are a teacher. The way you have consistently disrespected your daughter’s peers reflects terribly on you and would have driven some of the animosity you have gotten on here. You claim to have recognised your ‘abrasive’ language in a subsequent post, but then seamlessly went on about 4 year olds crying at drop off with so much callousness and judgement it shows little self awareness of the issue. Some four year olds cry at drop off. A lot do. They’re not feral disregulated kids. They’re 4. I think you have some work to do on how you view other children if you want your own child to grow up with positive social skills

This was my daughter 15 years ago. Taught herself to read at 2. Fluent reader by 3. Could do simple maths when she started reception. She was bored for most of primary school although school did try by putting her with kids 3 years older for literacy.
She was stretched slightly more in secondary school but has suffered with many mental health issues over the years and was diagnosed with autism and ADHD over the years. Hyperlexia is very common amongst autistic girls apparently. She's now at a top university studying English - academically stretched more than she's been but still breezes through. It's the rest of life that provides the struggles.
My advice would be to stretch her where you can (harder books, check comprehension is covered etc) , work with her interests letting her explore and expand. Don't dismiss autism - gaining diagnosis allowed my daughter to accept and then in time embrace who she is. 2e (twice exceptional) is more common than you'd think. Look at Potential Plus charity - may see you on their FB page x

You also need to accept that she will make her own choices as she gets older.

You can “push” her academically to be a corporate lawyer all you want but she is very likely to turn around at 16 tell you to sod off and go to do an art foundation course. That’s the beauty of parenting - you never know!