What to do with a bright child?

[Mumanddone]

I will be accused of bragging but I really am looking for genuine ideas here please.

4yo DD has started reception. She is in a private school. She can read fluently, writes and her maths skills are great. She is basically bilingual. She carries a conversation like a grown up - she’s hugely imaginative and great fun to talk to. She’s not some prodigy - she’s actually a bit of a silly little girl prone to not listening but she is objectively very very bright.

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part. Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?

we decided for private school to boost her, but wondering if this is enough. I suppose there is a sliding scale to private education. Are there places better suited for her? Or is there something we should be doing to support her at home/ outside. She does the general run of clubs ie: drama, swimming etc.

Experienced Year R teacher and only child mum here. I know you say she can read fluently - but can she read comprehensively? Can she read and then discuss what she’s read, explain the emotions of the characters, consider what might happen next, tell you a simple summary of the story once it’s finished, answer questions about the story? Can she pause at commas, see an exclamation mark and know to say that word with expression, change her tone when there’s a question mark, etc? Fluent reading is great, but if it comes without a matching level of comprehension and expression when reading, then the teacher will not be able to push her reading forwards until the two match.
I had a pupil who came in reading at an end of Year 2 level in Year R. They had excellent comprehension for their age, but comprehension was around middle of Year 1. Still brilliant of course, but the focus isn’t always on the words and fluency.
Again with maths, maths skills are great, but you need to make sure it can be applied to scenarios.
Social skills are the most important in the early years. Sharing, turn taking, learning to fail (especially important if she learns easily)
As for her being silly… she is 4, learning to be a person in this world. They should have fun, silly moments, lots of play, lots of joy, lots of connection. If all that is there, the academic side will only thrive more 😊

Ignore it OP. There is no such thing as an 'autistic trait', just normal traits that some autistic people also have (alongside a whole host of other ones). Beware the armchair psychologist!
That said OP I was surprised to see you calling some of your DDs classmates "dysregulated and overstimulated" because they don't want to go to school! Crying at the school gates at 4 years old isn't that unusual. My DC ran off on the first day and never even looked back (ungrateful bugger), but now year 4 is asking to be homeschooled as they are bored!
So hang onto your hat... it is not a predictable journey!

YYY to every word of this ^

It will all come. I love the first few years of little ones learning journeys because progress is always so easy to spot when looking at their books. I still nag year 4’s about punctuation- the road is long!
shopping lists, diary, holiday journals are all nice ways to keep them writing. To balance I like using 2 stars and a wish - 2 things done well to keep their confidence and one wish to improve. Highlighting errors is also a nice visual way for them to spot little mistakes.

I understand your post but I am an actual psychologist. And psychotherapist. But feel free to ignore me

We will.

Great ideas here and thank you for being so kind and helpful

Yes! She asks me to “mark” her work because I’m a teacher and I do a WWW and EBI 😛

Humm...well I'm surprised you are offering your unsolicited "expert" opinion to people on mumsnet then, as any chartered psychologist knows not to do so. Not least because the relevant professional body takes a very dim view of such unprofessional behaviour!

It definitely is "proper reading".

If a child hears a wide vocabulary and absorbs what they hear, unfamiliar words will fall into place as they read. How else would a child manage to read a sentence that contains the name 'Penelope' and the word 'antelope'?

The mental feedback loop in the mechanics of reading involves much more than just phonics.

Hiya we’ve got a switched on four year old and daughter of a teacher too. She announced she wanted to learn to read this summer before reception and she’s well on her way and can read quite a bit now - not quite as advanced as your daughter it sounds but her communication and conversation is spot on and noticeably much better than her peers we have met.

She spent three hours sewing and using sewing machine for the first time yesterday with my mum - this was a real interesting creative challenge for her and she was engrossed. could you introduce a craft or skill like this that requires focus/creativity and problem solving when it inevitably goes wrong?

we have introduced her to chess and she’s capable of a short game with not much strategy but just recalling the set up and how pieces move at this age seemed fun to me. Draughts, dobble and enchanted forest board games are some of our favs too.

we also like playing word games and memory games with her eg I went to the market, 20 questions, hangman and all those that used to entertain us as kids on long car journeys and that challenges her in a different way I think.

weve used the reading eggs app and also the maths seeds on there for a free month and she enjoyed that - we printed all the worksheets etc and she loves having her work marked in a diff colour and the improving it or correcting it. Think she’s seen me marking homework and mock exams too much at home haha

I am qualified too, but I'd never suggest a diagnosis online. Not just because of ethical matters, but it's absolutely impossible to tell without long observation and analysis.

Our kids sound very similar! We’re big into reading eggs in this house, love board games and do lots of memory games and other things like that! My daughter wants to learn to crochet like me but I don’t quite know if the motor skills are there yet - no harm in trying though

Pride sometimes comes before a fall, especially when you’re busy telling people that you’re bright with amazing academic results.

If getting phase and faze muddled up is my downfall, I’ll take it.

Another vote for music lessons. Someone mentioned Kodaly, and any aural training is great. I would not wait to start instruments until later but there are many who do and do just as well as starting at 4. Listen to lots of music, all different styles. Go to music concerts/workshops for children.
Piano is tough for 4 year olds and progress may be on the slow side, but for a bright child with a good work ethic and the right teaching, learning an instrument will develop a range of skills both physical and mental, with some emotional, spiritual (at some point) and social skills included. Some instruments/teachers will encourage group playing in addition to individual lessons.

"Psychotherapist" is not a protected title. Neither there is a legal obligation to become chartered.

@ScrollingLeaves

Wrt chores and self esteem -
Yes, it is extremely important, for several reasons.
1 - Children have a deep desire to become competent and responsible actors in the real world. At the same time, attention span and interest can be limited, so having a parent patiently remind them and support/ scaffold them to do what they are required to do daily or weekly is important.
2 - Some chores require persistence and problem solving and are excellent ways to teach a child to learn (again, with a patient teacher).
3 - When children see mum or dad doing all the donkey work so the precious intellect of the child can be nurtured all the time, the implications the child picks up are negative ones.
The implication that the intellect is the most important aspect of the child is damaging. If parents are to fully respect the child and value all aspects of the child, encouraging competence in looking after herself, the home, and contributing to the family group must be part of their approach.
The implication that the intellect is so fragile that nothing can distract it or something awful will happen is also damaging. Children pick up parental anxiety about academic performance, and parents can make implications without meaning to.
4 - A very bright child may already feel that she is somewhat set apart from her peers, and to treat her like that at home can cause quiet but deeply felt pain, the pain of not being seen as a fully three dimensional person.
Infantilisation in and of itself will cause a loss of confidence too. An 18 year old heading off to university not knowing how to go about using a washing machine is one who will feel she's on rhe back foot even though she may have never scored lower than an A in any exam in her life.

This is rather cool.

He grew out of it in the normal course of events, but when my eminently gifted DB was a young child and we were working to keep him grounded, he loved doing chores! Not tidying his room by himself, but anything involving helping someone.

The only reason the op got the response she did is jealousy pure and simple. How dare she tell us her child is clever. The op knows nothing about this forum and how spiteful it is. I personally would rather get advice from a pack of hyenas than ask anyone on this forum for advice.

Hyenas is right 😝

When you open a conversation with something like "Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?" (~"is it OK for my PFB to speak with a bunch of dimwits?"), you're guaranteed to have plenty of "jealousy" :)))

But I was a bright child and it hardly got me anywhere.

What do you believe "failed"?
What is lacking?
What went "wrong"?? Is anything wrong?
You can afford private school?Do financially you got somewhere.
presumably you have a nice house and husband? Do you have a good career? Or married well and have a trust fund? Nothing wrong with that! You seem to be doing ok in life?

But really just relax ... and carry on and do lots of museum trips in weekend and foster her Interests without stressing

She is only four

You don't respond then if you have nothing to offer.

And don't worry about other four years old in a private school holding her back ! They really won't. In a few years come back and report who is top of the class. It will even out.