What to do with a bright child?

[Mumanddone]

I will be accused of bragging but I really am looking for genuine ideas here please.

4yo DD has started reception. She is in a private school. She can read fluently, writes and her maths skills are great. She is basically bilingual. She carries a conversation like a grown up - she’s hugely imaginative and great fun to talk to. She’s not some prodigy - she’s actually a bit of a silly little girl prone to not listening but she is objectively very very bright.

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part. Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?

we decided for private school to boost her, but wondering if this is enough. I suppose there is a sliding scale to private education. Are there places better suited for her? Or is there something we should be doing to support her at home/ outside. She does the general run of clubs ie: drama, swimming etc.

I gave that some thought but I imagine that’s a bit of a social faux pas in any language.

If I had to put money on it, I would guess that she says things often that make people bristle. I expect that she also wonders why people are upset with her on a regular basis and thinks it’s all them. In English or any other language.

@Ubertomusic we are on UC I work a zero hours job, exdh has decided not to work but our dc are very successful. The 2 eldest are both Cambridge graduates with every gcse and A level an A*. They have great jobs, married to lovely dh with dc, travel extensively, home owners yet spent their childhood sharing a small room in a 3 bed semi that housed 6 people.

Cultures are vastly different. Germans for example are very straightforward and would easily make the English bristle every single time they say something 😂

ND is a strong stigma in many cultures so I guess someone can be "accused" of being ND, however weird it sounds in English.

etc

I’m born abroad but have lived here most of my life and yet I am baffled by the animosity. Last time I ever ask for genuine advice on a public forum. You’re right about that. Perhaps I wasn’t expecting this level of interest in what was meant to be a question about primary education. I’ve learned my lesson. You’re not my people.

Totally get that. I’ve lived in a few European countries and am pretty well traveled so understand that the cultural approaches differ. But I’m sure she said she had lived in the uk for a long time (might have made that up). Anyway just a hunch

@Mumanddone I feel really bad for you, you were just seeking advice but I don't think this is the forum for that kind of question. I don't have any suggestions but hopefully you'll have gotten some useful pointers. Try not to take it to heart if you can, it's a cultural difference. British people have a different way of seeing things like this you'd get more of the kind of advice you need from an immigrant population I think

If you have grandchildren, it's the thing of the past long gone.

Telegraph (and others) is not writing about the past.

Why feel bad for OP when she talks about other kids like she does?

My youngest is 17 and I have a 22 year old but it might be different for youngsters nowadays.

Well, if you're replying to me, my DD has recently scored 141 in GL English Progression Test which iirc is top 1% nationally, not sure if it's "your people" or not :) She's been a voracious reader for years, as everyone in our family, from disabled ASD to PhD in STEM. Early reading helps to learn quicker but that's about it I think.

DD's comprehension is not always deep and nuanced BTW, despite her score.

Starting a thread re your concerns about your 4 year olds classmates holding her back because they can hardly put a sentence together in contrast to her brilliance wasn’t ever going to be popular. You knew that from your opening sentence where you acknowledged that you could be accused of bragging.

I think speaking about other children the way you have isn’t acceptable. There is no need to put others down to big your daughter up. They are as special to their parents as your daughter is to you. And they are no less important or significant than your daughter.

If you are not happy with your level of professional success why not focus your energy on that? You are risking projecting your feelings about being “just a teacher” onto a young child. Would her being more successful in your eyes much you feel more successful? That is something to reflect on. Your child is not an extension of you. She’s an individual. She doesn’t need to be pushed and pushed at the tender age of 4. Let her play with dolls and be a kid.

Could also be because she's not British? I have many friends who aren't and would struggle to understand the tone of the responses here. Its very much cultural imho, her mistake was probably asking it on a predominantly British site maybe. It might be the question could have been phrased better but many threads I've seen on th topic get similar responses. She'll have learned not to post questions like that here again, that's for sure

She’s spent most of her life here..?

My son was the same. Interestingly by age 7/8 he was pretty much average in his class! Yet he could read chapter books by 4 and totally spoke like an adult

With the people I know and am friends with (ranging from a vast variety of social and cultural backgrounds) having high expectations for kids is not seen as sinful! Having a mature and conscientious child is not seen as a bad thing or a sign of neurodivergence - it’s seen as good parenting.

I am British even if not born here. If you ever spoke to me in the wild you’d never guess I wasn’t. But I rarely tap into people as vitriolic as the ones here. Not aiming this at you directly but my god this is a hornet’s nest.

At 4 years old I would start her on an appropriate Kodaly musicianship class, not an instrument. This won't hold her back as once she starts an instrument (aged 6) she will power forward within a year, while having developed a musical ear and innate sense of rhythm.
I see lots of academic things listed in your posts but nothing about sport/exercise.
She is too young yet for most sports (7+ is about the right age to start tennis, hockey etc ) but multi sports and swimming are good options.
One of my oldest friends is an Ed Psych. She always says she sees a lot of clever (miserable) children who don't do anything physical they have a "body that carry's their big brains but doesn't do anything else".
Beavers is also an option for when she turns 5 (you need to add them to waitlist asap).
Also be aware that are she progresses thought school other children will catch up. Look on this early start as an opportunity to do other less academic things, safe in the knowledge you don't need to worry about school work, rather than a sign that she will always be so academic. Unless you want her to skip years (not really advisable) then pushing her too far ahead will mean she is bored in school and, trust me, you do not want to have to deal with that.

This was my son, by year 4 he was banging his head on the table with in boredom. It was absolutely awful and while it’s nice if your child is bright over a certain level it’s very difficult to manage.

If she’s in private then hopefully there will be plenty of breath in learning and that’s what I’d encourage you to explore. Also look up the charity Potental Plus for support should you need too.

My son is in Grammar school now, it’s been transformative for him.

You’re right, it is something to reflect on and I’ve said as much earlier. To answer a few other doubts, I’ve never spoken ill of her classmates in front of her. I guess I’d like her to be able to walk into school without kids screaming at drop off clearly disregulated and overstimulated but these are minor issues in the grand scheme of things.

On reflection, they were abrasive words and I can see why some people got riled up. Plenty of her classmates are lovely and kind boys and girls and she has formed friendships with the whole spread of them. I’d never stop her from being friends with anyone and encourage any play date or friendship. She’s an only child and likely will be by (our) choice so I try my best to immerse her in all social situations. I can see that many children talk less or with less development. As many have suggested and I’ve accepted, in a few years they will all be on par. No need for me to stress. I’ve accepted I am prone to over analysing.

Oh god no, I would never want her skip a year! She does swimming (lessons and weekly with DH) and weekly gymnastics. Frequent trips to adventure playgrounds, soft plays and climbing walls too but I think we are lacking a team sport and will definitely consider this in the future

Second all this and actually did it with my DD.

Grammar is what I’d love most for her and I think she’d thrive but she’s only 4 and as many have told me, she may well be totally average and I’m just over inflating her. Time will tell.

Genuine question- would you go up to a colleague or a mum at the school run and tell her you think she may be autistic?

No people don’t do that. That wouldn’t be appropriate because of social convention. But people would be thinking it, but not express it. They’d talk to others about it but not mention it to that particular person because they’d be afraid of the reaction. However I’m sensing that you’re not terribly in touch with the external world so I am trying to help you understand what you’re missing here. It’s a bit like those IG professional influencers who have pages saying “what I would tell you if I wasn’t scared of hurting your feelings”.