What to do with a bright child?

[Mumanddone]

I will be accused of bragging but I really am looking for genuine ideas here please.

4yo DD has started reception. She is in a private school. She can read fluently, writes and her maths skills are great. She is basically bilingual. She carries a conversation like a grown up - she’s hugely imaginative and great fun to talk to. She’s not some prodigy - she’s actually a bit of a silly little girl prone to not listening but she is objectively very very bright.

When I observe her peers, I don’t feel like they are on the same wavelength for the most part. Some of them are barely able to string a sentence together and they still seem to have very infantile form of expression. DD makes friends easily and is happy to play with anyone but at the same time - will this hold her back?

we decided for private school to boost her, but wondering if this is enough. I suppose there is a sliding scale to private education. Are there places better suited for her? Or is there something we should be doing to support her at home/ outside. She does the general run of clubs ie: drama, swimming etc.

You really need to calm down about your daughter. Children develop way different paces

Our 4yo was a reader before school and by that Christmas a “fluent” reader whatever that means - at 5.5 it’s very hard to find fiction at his age level that challenges him, but loads of non fiction which he drinks up, especially on his favourite topics. School is all social-emotional learning for him, which OP says is not the issue for her DD.

But for keeping his mind busy, puzzles, books, magazines, workbooks for older kids. My DH and I were both “read the encyclopedia kids” so we have that on the plan. A smart kid just needs those things available and then like PP said they need to learn to work hard and fail, to take care of their body, to be well rounded

@Mumanddone not sure which part of the country you’re in but there are some very acaemdic pre-prep and prep schools in London. I only know about the ones in West London but places like Bute House and Glendower. Bute has a 7+ entry.

I wrote earlier about my friends daughter and how she grew up very average and said to let her be a kid as early success doesn’t always carry through. People are saying it’s not that easy to parent a bright child

But I had the exceptionally gifted kid (tested by school and University) - 12 9’s at gcse, 4 A* at A level, 1st class hons degree from top 10 Uni, GCSE got top academic prize, A level got top academic prize. Uni, yes, got top academic prize for her whole school, not just her degree

reading age of 16 aged 5. Scholarship to highly selective secondary school

we let her be a kid. We went to museums, art galleries, theme parks. We sent her to Beavers/Cubs/Scouts (all girls school so wanted her to mix with boys), she had swimming lessons. She had riding lessons. She played rugby. I taught her to cook and bake. She was a kid

she now works in the City in an exceptionally well paid job, she is bossing professional exams on the fast track scheme

She is popular because she is rounded. We never pushed her, we trusted the school academically and we exposed her to things they didn’t. We went to the theatre. We visited stately homes and researched their history. She dug holes in sandy beaches. We camped, we climbed mountains. She had a childhood and consequently is able to live in the real world. She’s grounded, level headed, kind, masses of emotional intelligence, good critical thinking skills, has diverse friendship group. Fire her curiosity, feed her body as well as her brain

I mean, it's all great when your kid does well and KEEPS doing well. But nobody wins all the time and it's also about how you deal with disappointment, failure and social pressure.

I came to the UK from overseas and went to a uni which was ranked at number 3 in the UK at the time - highly competitive course too. I really saw so many of my peers struggle because they all thought they were special because they had 3 A*s. Suddenly they were amongst people who ALL had the best grades. Lot of people couldn't mentally hack it. Teaching resilience is so underrated

Edited typos

She's 4 she doesn't need a boost as you put it. The way you're speaking about the other kids her age speaking in an "infantile" manner is nothing unusual and I sincerely hope you don't point this out to your 4 year old as she will have no friends if she starts looking down on others who aren't as academically bright as you say your daughter is. Whatever school you choose probably won't make much of a difference on how she is educated I'm pretty sure they all have to teach to the same curriculum

Be aware that carrying on a conversation like a grown up or in particular, preferring to talk to the adults is actually a mark of lagging social skills, not advanced ones - grown-ups make allowances for children and will humour and scaffold them in a way that their peers don't. Children should ideally sound like the other children when playing with their peers.

I was "gifted and talented" as a child. I was reading fluently before I started school, thrived in learning languages and excelled academically throughout primary school. I was a member of MENSA and started in top sets at secondary school.

However, I really, really struggled with the social side of school and how intense it could be. I struggled with school uniform, the noise of the classroom and the constantly changing timetable that came with secondary school.

I didn't do that well in my GCSE's or A-levels and although I got into a good university, I graduated with a 2:2 after burning out in my final year and ending up on medication.

It turns out I have autism.

I'm obviously not saying that's the case for your DD and all children are different, but I would focus on helping her be an all-rounder, let her know it's okay to struggle and get things wrong and maybe get her involved in things she doesn't have a natural talent for so that she's not always the "best". Good luck!

At least you aren't exactly subtle with your boasting. Some of the most intelligent kids can be the most immature (mine included).

@Mumanddone DD was in the county chess team, won online chess tournaments and did well in the chess mega finals - hasn’t played since year 8. She was at school (grammar) with 2 others who were on the county chess team and both stopped.

fitting in socially is going to be such a driver
of this if like me and DD she is (for the most part) NT and that for all you do for her it will win ojt

How do you know some don't have SEN if they can't speak much? They might have a speech delay.

@Newmeagain my ds was similar, non verbal until age 7, struggled to read and write, he had an IEP and a one to one at primary school. At age 11 he was awarded full bursaries to both academically selective independent school he sat entrance exams for and he has just graduated with a first class MEng. He got 8s and 9s in all his gcses bar one and A* in all his A levels. He also plays violin and piano at grade 7, competes in a team sport and mentors secondary aged children. He is ND but he has great perseverance.
Not bad for the child who struggled to string 2 words together!

Maybe socio-economics is at play here. You're right it's not that unheard of.

I read yesterday about a boy who is about to go to university aged 14 as he got A* in all his A levels or whatever. His 11 year old sister is on the same path apparently. He has older siblings at UCL who are going to look after him there !! Sounds ridiculous all round to be honest, I get that there are very bright kids around but please let kids be kids, this boy will have nothing in common with his university peers, all a bit crazy to me.

My mum was very bright, photographic memory, excelled at her private school... And rebelled/ran away from her parents as a teen and had a string of minimum wage jobs.

At 50 she actually went back to uni and got a ridiculously high first, I think 90%+ and highest in her year.

Me and my siblings are all Oxbridge/high incomes and my youngest sibling won an award for getting the highest grade in his subject at Oxford in a decade of students.

I can tell you what my mum did - she basically put no pressure whatsoever on us as kids, but once we hit teenage age she had a LOT of DMCs with us about making the most of our potential and how to not make the mistakes she did. It really sunk in. Even when we behaved like hormonal nightmares she invested a lot of time and energy in being really emotive and talking to all of us and really helping us.

Personally I don't think you need to do anything at age four - the teenage years are when you need to start working really hard. I never realised how much my mum put into us when we behaved like typical rebellious teens - going out, drinking, drugs etc - she really spent time trying to get us all on the right track. All teenagers rebel, but I don't believe most parents put so much effort in. If you do - then I'm sure your DD will make the most of their potential.

I find this thread immensely sad. Not just the OP’s posts but many others.

I was a child who read before school etc etc. Look great on paper but have struggled with severe anxiety for years.

I’ve worked in a City type job. Successful people and also morally bankrupt, get sucked into the culture and will do what it takes.

And what then? They buy property, go on holidays, have mini thems who they push through private school, piano lessons etc. They die leave their wealth go their kids and the cycle of “success” continues.

Im now mid-life and find many people are reflecting on their “success” and life choices.

Teach your daughter to give back to the world. As she grows get to consider what positive impact she wants to leave behind.
Because that’s actually what matters. Not what age you achieve Grade 8 on the piano.

What’s a DMC?

Such a good post. What’s it all for op?Success should not only be measured in wealth. I remember my DF getting quite emotional one sunny afternoon in the garden when we, his children and grandchildren were enjoying a summer bbq He stood up , raised his glass and said “ I may not be wealthy in monetary terms terms but when it comes to love and family I am a millionaire!” I often think of this.

Also I am having a slight existential crisis on AI. All these “clever” children will just be trumped by AI.

My Dd2 who is gorgeous with brilliant social skills and likability is already eclipsing in life her more academic peers. It’s cruel but there it is.

I think you should be aiming for selective private schools when she’s older while also encouraging her to enjoy her childhood and be a well rounded person. Start a musical instrument if she isn’t learning one already.

In my experience, literacy is easy to add at home because she can read at her own level, but numeracy is a bit more challenging and so if she has the stamina for it, additional maths is more worth it. A language club if they don’t offer it at school.

I'm here for the roasting. Back handed swipe at all the other thicko kids.... give me strength. Just let her be 4 and play with her peers.

It happens. I obviously don't remember it because I was 3.6 months, but my mum told me that I had decoded the alphabet and worked out the rudiments of reading, untaught, before I went to kindergarten, and was reading four years ahead of my age by the age of 7. We had favourite books read on repeat I think, so probably pattern and sound recognition.

It’s very rare though. Have not seen it in the last 17 years.

Your experience is deeper and more trustworthy than mine @greengreyblue . I don't remember being taught reading, I always could, and better/faster than most. My DS is dyslexic but sharp as a tack, and according to him, I'm hyperlexic. I prefer words written on paper or screens. That's my preference.