Commute lenght to secondary school

[HeliaDuran]

I have a child who is moving to secondary school in two years.

Is 1 hour 20 mins too much? There are other two schools where the commute is 1 hour 5 mins and the other one is 45-50 minutes.
The shortest commute is the school we like the least. The 1hour and 5 is superselective, and the other one just seems a bit much for a pre-teen?

Don't know what to do. It would be helpful to get some other parents perspectives on tiredness, friendships, homework, commuting in winter.
Many thanks in advance

You must live somewhere very rural to have those at your closest three schools, so it must be normal where you are and that makes a big difference. Most of us have schools much nearer so my immediate reaction, and I suspect that of many posters, would be that you'd be on glue to do one hour twenty. It's all relative if your nearest is 45 min anyway. The superselective is a bit of a red herring unless you think your daughter really stands a chance of getting in.

What is the journey? Is it a direct bus or lots of changes? Would you willingly do the commute yourself five days per week? Exactly how much better do you think it is than the 45 minute one?

I lived rurally and had a commute of 1.5 hrs each way, sat on a school bus. It was ok, used to snooze. Some people did homework. You get used to it. But I couldn't stay for after school clubs, etc.

DD has about 50 min each way and she already feels like she has no spare time in the week - not entirely true but she doesn’t get a lot of downtime. She does 2 after school clubs a week and any more would mean she’d have little time for hw in the week so would be doing hours of it at the weekend.

I wouldn’t underestimate 1 hr 20. I have written off a potential school for DD2 as the journey is about this long. Also doesn’t that mean very few schoolmates would live locally?

Thank you @CassieAusten and @MoominUnderWater

Yes, superselective is a bit of gamble.

All commutes are a bit of walking to the bus stop, then bus, then a little bit of walk.
It is so good to hear that it was ok for you MoominUnderWater. I just fear that my child will resent all the secondary school years because 2.40 hours commite everyday since age 11 seems... a lot.

It would be too far for me, I set our max commute time at 45 mins but we are city based and there are lots of options within that distance so it would be pointless to travel further. Sounds like you are rural and would be used to travelling far. Would it be by car or bus? It would be extremely limiting for you if you had to drive that round trip.

@minipie

This is exactly what I am thinking: tiredness, lack of school friends...

Ultimately it's only a 15 min difference both ends of the day - only you know if the further away school is worth an extra 15 mins in the morning and in the afternoon. If the schools are similar then maybe it's worth saving 30 mins a day. But it's not like one school is 10 mins away and one is 1 hr 20 mins away - they are both a good journey.

If the further school is much better then it's worth an extra 30 mins a day.

I finished school at 3.20 and got home at about 4.45, the drive itself was maybe 45/50 minutes but once it had come to us the bus sat at another school til they got out at 3.45, so my afternoon commute was kind of around 1 hour 20. It wasn't that long on the morning journey though.

It didn't bother me at all. We would read, play card games, chat and do homework on the bus. I had friends on the bus who were different to my friends at school. It was a school bus though, don't know if that would make a difference - it almost felt like an after school club. We'd have bus parties at Christmas.

How far are those schools in miles? Surely you’d be entitled to school transport. That doesn’t solve the problem of a long commute though and it does seem too far.

Is there no school nearer than 45 minutes.

My daughter has a friend with a commute of this length daily in year 7.

My observations are that
it is frequently much longer due to traffic accidents, roadworks etc.
she can do no after school activities, clubs and events unless her parents are prepared to do the best part of a 3 hour round trip to do a late pick up.
She is good at sport, her parents have to facilitate pick ups when she has an away match or a weekend fixture. On these evenings she is getting home at 8pm.
She is reliant on friends to offer a bed for the night so she can do any school social events.
She is not achieving at school.
She spends far too much time on tech and limiting it is more of a challenge due to the commute.

Given that it's a private school, I think weekly boarding would be more constructive and probably financial viable as the bus is not cheap. If you are very rural and there's only 3 schools, have you considered state boarding schools and possible eligibility or is it that there are only 3 out of X you will actually consider locally?

I think that’s too much yes , it’s going to be twice a day, 5 days a week for at least 5 years.
Then you have to think about wanting to see friends who possibly live an hours drive away after school or on the weekends.
My DD does 25 mins on the bus each way and she does get tired even with that, especially when she was in year 7/8

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, experiences and perspectives. The consensus seems to be: it is too much, and while some people have lovely memories about it (really liked the idea of the Christmas bus party!), it seems that it is more likely that the child will be tired and it might affect them in school like @TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams friend's daughter.
I had not even considered the possibility of boarding, really. We have thought of moving house. Just feels a lot.
Thank you everyone.

My neighbour and I sent our dc who are the same age to different schools. Her son goes to an outstanding catholic school on the school bus. He left at 7.35 to get the bus five minutes away and he got home at 5pm. My dd left at 8.10 and got home at 3.30. So he has a much longer day.

The biggest thing has been extra curriculars and revision sessions in year eleven. If he wants to do anything after school somebody has to collect him as there is only one school bus. He actually couldn’t take GCSE drama because you have to commit to all of these rehearsal times a year in advance and she couldn’t do it.

DD does 1 hour 30 each way - and no issues at all.

We have similar where "local" options are all around the hour mark, so chose a school that she really liked in London.

She's been commuting since Y1 of Primary, and actually quite enjoys it - she gets a seat, table, power socket and wifi and can do homework, watch netflix etc.

The only thing I could see being an issue is a faffy commute with lots of changes or big waits in between.

We've had no issues with staying for extra curricular, seeing friends at weekends etc.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow this is so encouraging to hear. This is exactly our case: so called local schools are still far and commuting a bit further, or even to London - either by coach or train would be workable (one school that my daughter really loved is 1.30 and I had already discarded as an option, despite the fact that there would be only one change from train to tube). It just sounded too much. But it all sounds too much at the moment.

Do you mind me asking - I assume your daughter is older now- how has she found it in terms of meeting with school friends that live in London, when she doesn't ?
Did you keep weekends fairly low key to "recover" from the week?
I would be so grateful to know a bit more about your experience, if you don't mind sharing.
Thank you

DD is currently in Y11.

Her commute is:
7 min walk
50 min train
5 mins change of platform
20 min train
5 min walk

Next year, it will be the same except 20 min tube instead of train. 100% her choice on schools, colleges etc. She doesn't want to even consider anywhere that isn't in London.

Train is much nicer than bus/coach as they have loos, you can walk about, doesn't make you feel sick reading and you can get the laptop out. Tube also fab as very frequent and if train is delayed you aren't missing connections.

She does a huge amount of extra curricular - so stayed late 2 nights a week at school for dance, has music classes outside school another 2 nights a week.

Weekends she has a 2 hour acting class and the odd music commitment, but I've always tried to keep them reasonably free for shopping/family stuff/doing nothing/seeing friends.

In terms of friends, her school is huge, lottery entry and no catchment. Kids come from all over London and beyond. DD has a season ticket and a smart phone, so they just meet up in central London.

I will say that DD is very, very focused on her extra curriculars and so given the option between a party and one of her classes, she would always opt for the class unless it was her absolute BFF. She's pretty gregarious and has a very active social life via FaceTime, but seems perfectly happy not being round at friends houses all the time.

She doesn't know anyone locally - we're pretty rural - so she's very much a London kid who happens to sleep in rural Surrey.

EVERYONE told us we were mad when we started doing it and that we'd last 3 weeks. DD has never ever complained - I think she quite likes the down time on the train in many ways. There has been the odd rescue mission when she's caught the wrong one... but nothing that hasn't been solved by an uber bill at worst.

Very happy to answer any other questions.

It's possibly worth clarifying that my comments are about a school bus service rather than public transport. So fixed departure times daily. Obviously if there is a decent public transport option that operates regularly it give far more flexibility for a life and the ability to meet friends etc as they get older under their own steam. I'll be quite honest, when I get a request for a sleepover or a playdate the 3 hour round trip for me [while juggling work] makes it extremely difficult to facilitate. By Year 8/9 I'd happily put her on the train to be picked up by the friends parents.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow Thank you so much for all the detail. Your experience gives me another view - as I am mostly getting what you describe: that we are crazy to consider those options.
I am very happy to hear your daughter is thriving. She does sound like a very determined young lady!
How have you managed any train strikes or the anxiety about late commutes? My husband commutes to London some days, so I guess he can help a bit in the beginning with the transition.

My DS yr 7 goes to state grammar 12 miles away. He gets school bus at 7.30 and is home by 4.15. I wouldn’t say he was overtired or anything like that. Yes it’s tricky re school friends and there’s not much meeting up yet. His big brother went to same school and by end of year 8 was confidently moving around the county by bus and train to meet up with friends. Both have local friends from primary and from local activities they are involved in (drama, youth clubs etc)

I’d say to go for the school that’s the best fit for your child and don’t worry too much about the distance/time travelled

Train strikes - this was one of the reasons DD even started commuting. So many strikes that we had no option but to keep her in London as `DH and I were both there and no panic over getting home for childminders etc.

Since secondary there has been the odd strike, and odd no trains due to storms/snow/wrong kind of leaves. Most of those were when school was still streaming all lessons due to Covid, so she logged on and did school from home. In the last couple of years I reckon maybe 5 days total. I just message school and they sign her in for the day - it doesn't count as absence. Teachers set work for her on Teams.

Lateness - DD will message me if the trains are very delayed or cancelled. I then message school with a screenshot from Trainline and estimated arrival. She is not punished for lateness due to transport issues.

Her second train she has 'train buddies' so there's generally a good group of them both morning, evening and after extra curriculars.

We do have a few options if lines are bad close to London. It's if the problem is near home end that there are no alternatives. She's very relaxed about mess ups with transport and just messages me or works it out herself on the apps.

Smartphone is essential and I have air tag and trackers so I can help her out if it's a real mess.

Last resort or for very early starts (trip to France at 5am for example) she stays the night with a friend or one of her external music teachers who lives nearby and has known her since she was 7.

I did take her and collect the first day and was then told I was never to come again! 😂

And yes, everyone will tell you that you are mad, cruel, making her life a misery. It really depends on the child and the options and if you are happy to give them that amount of freedom.

Things like birthday parties tend to be something with a few close friends in secondary so they tend to be in London. In Primary I hired a hall nearby so we were the ones that travelled not the friends.

It's a lot more complicated in the thinking than it is in practice.

I’d be moving. That’s a huge, huge amount of time to be spending commuting to school.

It seems long, an hour each way is tiring enough. It depends on transport links of course. But I'd go further for the academically superior school or the one suited best to your kid.

Mine goes to a super selective 6 miles away 45 min commute. It looked very doable in y7 but by y13 the fatigue has set in. It’s not just distance/time but the quality of commute. She has 1 change and has to board a bus which is usually crammed full with school kids - all travelling at the same time. That makes it really really hard as many buses don’t stop (full already), those that do don’t have seats - carry your book bag and stand - reach school tired! It also depends on where the other kids live. For us most live close to the school so we are ‘far away’. It was hard missing casual meet ups in the park/ someone’s house in the evening etc. If everyone was scattered it would’ve been different. She did some clubs but not many - winter evenings are hard. After school 6pm events were also hard - where to go 3.30 to 6? Home is too far for a return journey, school closed at 5, there were ways but always tricky.

We are close enough to drop/pick up but we have jobs and other DC so it’s not always possible.

overall I’d say go by the day to day practicality of travel rather than just distance or time numbers. I’d choose a good school further away if the journey could be smooth and most kids had similar commutes.

I lived rurally so everyone had a long commute on dedicated school buses. Ot was fine because everyone was doing it. There wasn't a choice.

I might have felt differently if I was the only person doing that commute but everyone at school was figuring the bus ride into their plans so we were all the same. Same at the other end, all the kids got home about the same time. If everyone else had got home at 3.45 and was already out doing fun stuff by the time I got home an hour later I would probably have hated it.

Anyway, sounds like your child doesn't have many closer options so you might as well pick the school they really like.

Don't get me wrong, in the depths of winter the journey was miserable some days. I hated getting out of bed. Sometimes as a treat my dad would come and collect me from school in the car. I got home marginally faster but the luxury of being in the car with my dad instead of the stinky school bus was amazing.

I had an hourish commute at Secondary. (10min walk, 30mins bus, 10 min walk). Had bus friends, it was ok.

My DDs have a 5 minute walk. (As the Secondary school is our village.... the catchment area us 7 miles at its biggest point). I've noticed they do just seem to have more time... they can go to any school activity they want, their homework can be finished by 4pm then they have the whole evening to themselves... they can drop off their bag and head out again... I often get an extra teen in the afternoons because they are waiting for a lift or just to do some group homework (or last week it was a flat tyre on a bike!

My friends DD does homework on her school bus...

Honestly I think they adapt to their own circumstances.