4 year old is very behind in school.

[Opalcookie]

Hi everyone! I was hoping for some practical advice to help me with my oldest son.

He started reception in September and during his third week there the teacher pulled me to one side in the playground and told me that he was a little behind the other children and she’s going to work on building his confidence with learning.

Since then, he has been gone from needing extra help, to being separated from the rest of the class for 1:1 help with reading, phonics and maths. He rejoins the class for a short amount of time each day for the other activities like RE and PE.

My husband and I both did well at school and I try hard to nurture him and build his understanding of the world. However, if it’s not toys, lego or superhero’s, he’s not interested.

He’s an active boy and we involve him in clubs outside of school which he does really well in. He also astounds me with his knowledge of animals (he’s taught me about sun fish and about baby anteaters this week 😂).

I can’t help but feel upset as I got another note that he is below expected level for his age.

I’ve read hundreds of times that other countries don’t put the children in school at this age, but I’m sure there are still milestones that he should have reached by now regardless of education system.

He didn’t learn his colours until he was 4, he struggled to count to ten until 4 etc.

I just feel I’ve let him down and that I’ve done something wrong. He has progressed since starting school but is still very behind.

Has anyone got any advice, especially practical advice of how I can help him?

Thank you

I'm going to go against the grain and say that it does sound like there's something going on here. Schools just don't have the resources to be pulling kids out for constant one to ones for no reason. Is he disruptive in class? I'm wondering if that's why they're having to separate him? Has he been assessed for ADHD?

I can’t believe what I am reading. How can a four year old be behind in phonics or maths?Are you sure she actually said that? If he is able to sit and listen to a story and join in play activities he is behaving as a four year old. As for phonics, well some four year olds can’t even hear the initial letter of a word and might even hear the end.A 4 year old behaves and even plays differently to a five year old. For example just observe them using a variety of wooden bricks and note the difference between the four year old and a five year old. Maturity is needed to succeed at the tasks you mention and I would actually suggest a meeting with the head to discuss what has been said. For years I taught children from either four to seven or five to seven alternating every 3 years. Your son sounds like a typical four year old. Is he a Summer birthday? Are some in his class 5? In which case he could be much younger than a lot of his classmates. Be aware that it is too easy to teach a young child that he can’t do something by presenting him with something he is not ready for. Confidence is developed by success. It’s the teacher’s aim to ensure that this is produced by matching tasks to his interest and ability. He should be encouraged by praise for everything he can do and this could include just how hard he is “working” at something. Just keep sharing books with him. Play matching games of all kinds. Words can be matched as well as letters. A board with letters or words which can be matched with a pack of cards with the same, snap also. Above all lots of stories and lots of books. Cuddling up with mum or dad with a book will enhance the development and love of reading.

Hi OP, primary teacher here. You sound like an amazing mum, and so incredibly supportive.

It's great the school has recognised his difficulties early. I know a lot of posters are saying "But he's only 4!", but it's much harder late on if difficulties are spotted late. My only question here would be how much time exactly is he spending out of class? My concern would be that it's too much. You don't want him feeling isolated.

I'm sure you're already doing this, but read to him every day. I can't emphasise enough how important being read to is. If he isn't keen on being read to, take him to the library to choose some books.

Screens can definitely be useful! Numberblocks and Alphablocks are great. There's also Numberjacks on YouTube, which my 6 year old still really likes.

You can also incorporate numbers into his active play. "Try and find ten sticks", for example. Putting foam letters in sand is also a good one. Get him to pull one out, and you can tell him which sound it is (by you saying it, there's no pressure on him).

You're doing an amazing job, and I wish all parents were as supportive as you!

@HappydaysArehere yes she definitely has said it numerous times and it’s in writing on his school app as well.

In fairness there is a curriculum that they follow of certain phonics which they are meant to learn each term and he has only just grasped the basic ones whereas the rest of the glass are on digraphs and trigraphs (I think that’s what they are called!). The rest of the class are working on red/yellow coded books and he’s on pink.

I understand the regular comment about “how do they have the resources” and I don’t know. There has never been any real discussion about it, she just told me one day that they had moved him to being completely 1:1 with a teaching assistant as him being behind the other children was hard on him, herself and the other children. I did cry that day when she said that. I think I should maybe speak to the sendco or someone to get a better idea about the situation of why he has gone from being with the class, to being in a extra help group, to fully 1:1.

I also just wanted to add that I’ve started to introduce the tips suggested on here and it has been great sneaking numbers and sounds into general day to day life. I also have started to read a variety of early reading books with him instead of the ones he comes home from school with and he is actually engaged as they are new and interesting!

@ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot just wanted to say thank you so much, this really made me feel so much better

That's brilliant news OP. Best of luck with it all.

@Completelyjo no. I'm just saying that the teacher seemed very quick to heavily judge a July born 4 year old. I work with kids. It takes a while to get to know them and prob a few weeks to spot a pattern of actual concerns. Risk is that op tries to focus on progress. Which can kill love of learning

I'm sorry I haven't read the entire thread but one of my kids was exactly like this until about age 9 I would say. He's now at a top university living his best life.

You have had some great advice on here. But just to say there will be other parents who have done less to bring on their child's learning and their child has still flourished. Your son needs a little extra scaffolding, you have recognised it and are adapting that's the best any parent can do. Don't beat yourself up.

Just to repeat the information provided by the OP, this is a child, where concerns have been identified in two separate settings. This is significant in a young child.

It's great that OP has been given good advice and is trying to implement it and I agree that she sounds like a good, caring mum. Nonetheless, she is right to listen to education and health professionals and to get as much additional support for her DS as she can.

Hello OP,
I realise it’s been quite some time anyone has added to this thread. I just wanted to know how your son is getting along now? My son’s teacher told me today he’s been getting some 1 to 1 help with numbers at school today, he turns 4 at the end of January. However, it’s made me feel really down and I also think what could I have done differently.