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Original poster

One child is capable of 11+ and the other isn’t

53 replies

anonymous06 · 25/10/2024 03:13

Hi,

I have a little dilemma though I knew to expect this from the start.

I thought I’d try my two kids for the 11+. They had their first lesson with a tutor and I was told one of my children doesn’t have the chance of passing. She’s had a bit of a troubled year 3 and she’s now year 5 and I’m not confident about her year 5 teacher. A few months ago we decided for her to not do the 11+ and she’ll thrive better in a comprehensive. Her dad thought it’s best to give her the opportunity but after her first tuition lesson, I was told she will find it challenging.

The dilemma is what do I do with my year 4 child who has had great feedback and I was told he has a chance of succeeding in the 11+.

I feel really sad for my daughter and had a positive chat with her. I even reminded her how happy she was when I told her previously she won’t be doing the 11+. She did get upset but was fine after a little while.

Now that I know which route to take, I’m worried about the journey to school if my son passes the 11+. We are 6 miles away from the Trafford schools.

My only other thought process is to sack the 11+ for both, and focus on them getting good SATs which can help them in secondary. The tutor advised to focus on SATs tuition with my first child, let the second child practise at home and revisit where he is around Easter. I agreed with this as I feel it makes the most sense.

Any thoughts?

Thanks!

OP posts:
Ellmau · 27/10/2024 21:31

I think you should allow DC to try for the grammar. They would be earning a place by their own ability and hard work.

If one DC was good at sport, would you ban then from being in a team because the other one wasn't?

Or stop a talented actor from being in the local amateur dramatic society play because the other child never got cast?

Moglet4 · 17/02/2025 23:20

anonymous06 · 25/10/2024 03:13

Hi,

I have a little dilemma though I knew to expect this from the start.

I thought I’d try my two kids for the 11+. They had their first lesson with a tutor and I was told one of my children doesn’t have the chance of passing. She’s had a bit of a troubled year 3 and she’s now year 5 and I’m not confident about her year 5 teacher. A few months ago we decided for her to not do the 11+ and she’ll thrive better in a comprehensive. Her dad thought it’s best to give her the opportunity but after her first tuition lesson, I was told she will find it challenging.

The dilemma is what do I do with my year 4 child who has had great feedback and I was told he has a chance of succeeding in the 11+.

I feel really sad for my daughter and had a positive chat with her. I even reminded her how happy she was when I told her previously she won’t be doing the 11+. She did get upset but was fine after a little while.

Now that I know which route to take, I’m worried about the journey to school if my son passes the 11+. We are 6 miles away from the Trafford schools.

My only other thought process is to sack the 11+ for both, and focus on them getting good SATs which can help them in secondary. The tutor advised to focus on SATs tuition with my first child, let the second child practise at home and revisit where he is around Easter. I agreed with this as I feel it makes the most sense.

Any thoughts?

Thanks!

Which grammar are you closest to?

Moglet4 · 17/02/2025 23:37

anonymous06 · 25/10/2024 10:04

Hi, thanks for all the advice. I’m really at wits end right now as I feel sad for my daughter. I’m an ex teacher and I’ve seen the damage that the 11+ prep can do to kids who have parents that want them in grammar school but they don’t actually want to themselves. I don’t want to be going down that road.

The other issue is I haven’t managed to yet go to open days for the grammar schools so I’m going on this journey based on word of mouth. I started looking at local schools and I noticed a school nearby that offers wonderful options for GCSE that not one Grammar school offers.

Regarding the tuition for my daughter, she is behind in Maths but thrives in English - she takes after me! She has a huge lack of confidence in Maths and I want to use the tutoring to push her to where she needs to be and also build her confidence. My daughter loves the Arts - she loves English and reading, she loves being creative and writing narratives, she loves making things and she has art pads and sets for her drawings, she also enjoys subjects like History and Sciences.

I understand that I shouldn’t be taking away opportunities for my son but my kids are literally best friends. The love they have for each other is massive and they’re very close. They’re 11 months apart, and as much as they’re their own people, they love to be together. They’re in the same primary school at the moment, and each day the stories I hear from them after school is beautiful. I don’t want to create a wedge in their relationship.

The Grammar school route isn’t an easy one to get to, and I’m also thinking of the winter months too. There is a bus change as my child will have to go to the city centre first then take another bus and also involves some walking. We are very close to MGS but I don’t want to make a huge financial commitment as life happens and I wouldn’t want my child to leave a school because of finances.

Hopefully, I get more clarification soon and will take the opportunity to research local schools more. At the end of the day, not one person in my family went to Grammar or Independent and we’ve all succeeded with amazing careers. I want to cry! Lol..

Edited

Most of the Trafford grammars, if not all, have a school bus service from Levenshulme so I wouldn’t worry about travel if you got a place. However, assuming you’re M13 or M14, you’re not in priority catchment so you will be relying on getting a very high score to get a place (Stretford and Urmston both give 20 places to the top scores and Alty Boys fill within catchment then give remaining places according to score). If you think your son stands a chance of getting a very high score then give him the chance.

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