Advice about visiting private schools for non-private school mum...

[HighlandFling]

Our ds is only 18 months but there is the possibility that we might go abroad for 3 years so dh and I have arranged some appointments to tour a few of the local private schools to get his name down just in case, for when we return.

I wasn't really thinking anything about this at all, but having just read an article in yesterday's paper about parents of children at private schools, I am suddenly getting myself in knots about the visits.

The thing is, I went to a pretty harsh state school, which, if I am asked, will certainly be known to the private schools we are visiting (in not too good a light, i would imagine). DH went to a Grammar school down south.

So, can anyone tell me how it works? Will we be asked questions about ourselves when we visit the schools for a tour next week? Would we be asked in-depth questions about our own educations at a later date? Will these details be filed and taken into consideration when offering my son a place?

I know this is probably coming across as a bit paranoid, but I just don't know much about how it all works, it's an alien world to me, and I would like to get an idea of what to expect.

(For the record, I can see positives in both private and state education. I feel very lucky we are in a position to explore both options!)

Any advice/experiences shared would be most welcome.

Oh seeker - leave your coat where it is!

drumming fingers to see if my alma mater gets mentioned on this thread (even though it's a girls' school and the OP has a DS )

Of course HF, if you had a DD instead, you could look at St George's or St Margaret's.... Have we covered them all yet.....

I think some of the others have explained what I meant better than I did Seeker. Keep your coat off and stick around if you want to!

Ah, I can rest tonight

jajas - independent schools vary a lot on that. Some are fine, but others are very conscious of their position on league tables etc and would prefer not to take on SEN pupils (apart from things like dyslexia which, with the right help, won't affect their average). Also, a school which has little experience of difficulties may not be able to offer much help. You'd really have to speak to the school, and read between the lines on their responses....

The one you're looking at may not be like that - it's always worth talking to them to get an idea. But if the fees would be a real struggle too, you might well be better putting your effort into getting them help within the state sector.

jajas - I would hope that any school you looked at would be happy to factor in any special needs that your children have. None of the schools we looked at even asked about DS's abilities (or lack of ) I honestly don't think that they want the 'bright uncomplicated ones'.

It was made clear, at one school, that being in the prep school gave no guarantee of getting into the (very academic) senior school, but I thought that was fine.

I would go and visit your local private schools, be totally candid with them and then assess the response.

Evenhope- we have decided on Ashford Friars and are very happy with the choice. I couldn't face the drive to Canterbury every day. Where did your children go?

Seeker - we're just entering reception so I'm not sure if there will be any grammar schools left by the time we need it!!

I'd better not spell it out after my comments about the Head but if you've been looking you should recognise the initials KC?

DD did Y7- Y11 there then went to Simon Langton Boys (grammar) for A level.

DS did Y3- Y6 there then went to NKS in Ashford (grammar)

Independent schools are businesses - they will fall over themselves to impress YOU.

They don't care a rap where you went to school and if they ask, it is just to assess how many 'first time buyers' they are attracting because they want to encourage them.

Really, don't worry about it, your problem is just going to be how to see through the lovely sales pitches.

And your child won't just be hobnobbing with the offspring of hedge fund managers and city lawyers.

There are some at my older child's school, but there are also children whose parents are police officers, postmen, bus drivers, locksmiths, taxi drivers etc, none of which fall into the mega-buck brigade.

Good luck and good hunting.

Nothing to worry about. Our boys go to a leading prep school near London. Only thing I would say is that in the South East lots of people have access to money. Some schools are more difficult to get into than you might think. I have never been asked what school I went and I am now looking at schools such as Harrow and Wellington College (thank goodness they dont ask me - I went to a bog standard comp!).

They are really interested in your child - not you!

edinburgh has the highest rate of private school education in the UK @25%. i used to have an inadequacy hang-up about private schools because i went to ScumBag Scheme School. i have colleagues from private schools BUT that was my hang up because hey going to private school does not necessarily imbue with more intelligence etc. it does however certainly provide smaller classes,and swish facilities

Bridie - am literally lol at your post - rickshaws, hillman imps grin] .
Echo mymble mummy's post.
Our Ds1 applied recently to some independent schools (London, not Edinburgh)and we were strenously warned off one because local people told us it was snobby etc.
But when we saw it, the teachers, parents, head, the headmaster's secretary, (and most particularly, the boys!)etc were all extremely friendly. Recently I was chatting to some people at a cub event - it turned out theri son was there and would be in the same year as my DS when he goes in September, and were very nice - gave me their number, chatted kindly to Ds about the school, and were extremely welcoming.
So don't be put off by opinions of those who have no direct experience of the places you are considering.
This particular school likes the parents to have a meeting with the head - we were rather chippy about this , and decided in advance that WE were interviewing HIM, and that he'd be extremely lucky if our son chose his school .
As it was he did not ask us about our car, house, hedge funds etc, but just spent the time telling us about his interview with our son and that he was a very mature and interseting boy who had done exceptionally well on his exam... We took this as a 'buying signal' and sure enough, when we got home (from taking DS to MacDonalds, not the Ritz ) there was a message from them offering him a place.
So don't be intimidated - if they intimidate you they don't deserve your DC!!!!

jajas - do definitely be open with schools about what you're looking for, and - particularly - look at what the Good Schools Guide says about each school's provision for special needs, as that is an honest guide. (I think there's a special edition focussing on SEN, as well: that might be worth looking at.)

Because there absolutely are private schools who want only the easy teachable ones & don't want to know about the tricky ones - I should know, my ds had to leave one of those schools - and, on the other hand, there are private schools who do a fantastic job. Ask searching questions: it isn't worth having been fobbed off with "oh yes we have a co-ordinator with special training" if it turns out she comes in on Wednesday mornings and does remedial spelling in a cupboard.

i have been told the interview is generally informal cordial chat nothing to get het up about

good luck

I have walked in your shoes HighlandFling and parked my Robin Reliant beside the Range Rovers...personally, I found the whole Scottish public school scene an absolute nightmare.
I have no idea about the Edinburgh schools although Merchison has a good name.

Stick to south of the Forth Road bridge though...

The school that my child went to stuck on a veneer and no amount of snobbery or arse licking could hide the inferior education that was dished out to 'untitled' children.
I got my son through but the very last day was such a relief - knowing I would NEVER mix with these people again.

There is also a hidden aspect which shocked me to the core. Many of the children were left during holidays while their parents swanned off- some of the children were bought flats but left alone. One New Year I ended up with 11 boys that my son took home. None of their parents were available.

I would advise that you tried to contact some ex pupils of the school that you are thinking of. I'm not sure how but perhaps some of the other MNetters can help you.

Remember, these schools are businesses first and foremost and they will agree to anything to get your money.
Oh and regardless of what anyone says, the class system is still alive and kicking here in Scotland.
Also drugs, drink and various other things are rife in certain schools but you won't be told THAT either.

In the South East in the schools in the top 20 in the UK by exam results who the parents are is irrelevant and there are many applicants per place. Any school that is picking on the basis of parents' careers or backgrounds is probably not a particularly academic one and may be is best avoided.

If you're looking at age 4+ entry then the main question to ask is where do the children go at 11 or 13+. Is it the best hard to get into schools for clever children or those for children who ave not so bright? IN other words you're trying to find out which schools does it feed into after.

ON j's question above depends on the special need. Even some of the Labour Cabinet I think have picked private schools because they have a dyslexic child as the best provision is there. Arguably a slower child benefits more than a clever child by a good private school with small classes and lessons more addressed to their individual needs. My sister's children are in a class of 8 (which personally I think is a bit too small actually). Some private schools will want only the very brightest children at 4. Others cater for a more comprehensive intake so just depends on the school.

Most schools are charities. Most are not businesses and most of the best ones have many times over the number of applicants than there are places so they are not desperate for parents but I do think that is a regional diffeence and that big cities with top private schools have a let of competitoin for places (Manchester Grammar etc) and small towns with not many parenst who could afford to pay it is probably easier to get into.

jajas - I don't have personal experience (as I found a different private school for my ds) but just to say I have friends whose experience of special needs in state schools is genuinely good: among other things (and like NHS hospitals as compared to private), the real cutting-edge knowledge & up-to-date practice is there. I do realise it is often hard to access it, and services are over-burdened and so on - but if I were doing this over again, I wouldn't dismiss the state sector outright.

I agree. In most cases special needs children tend to find their needs met in the state system. However, I suspect the best schools for some needs are in the private sector however such as dyslexia and autism and schools sometimes set up by parents particularly for one need only.

If they are very behind with everything they may just catch up or are young for the class. It might be worth your taking them to a private psychologist for an assessment which would be a lot cheaper than school fees and might help back up any assessment done by the state school system