Advice about visiting private schools for non-private school mum...

[HighlandFling]

Our ds is only 18 months but there is the possibility that we might go abroad for 3 years so dh and I have arranged some appointments to tour a few of the local private schools to get his name down just in case, for when we return.

I wasn't really thinking anything about this at all, but having just read an article in yesterday's paper about parents of children at private schools, I am suddenly getting myself in knots about the visits.

The thing is, I went to a pretty harsh state school, which, if I am asked, will certainly be known to the private schools we are visiting (in not too good a light, i would imagine). DH went to a Grammar school down south.

So, can anyone tell me how it works? Will we be asked questions about ourselves when we visit the schools for a tour next week? Would we be asked in-depth questions about our own educations at a later date? Will these details be filed and taken into consideration when offering my son a place?

I know this is probably coming across as a bit paranoid, but I just don't know much about how it all works, it's an alien world to me, and I would like to get an idea of what to expect.

(For the record, I can see positives in both private and state education. I feel very lucky we are in a position to explore both options!)

Any advice/experiences shared would be most welcome.

Are you looking at Edinburgh schools, HF?

I went to a private school in Edinburgh many moons ago. Edinburgh schools are very good value with relatively low fees compared to what we pay down south.

I went to a spectacularly bad school and 2 of my kids are at private schools now. I have met the occasional snotty parent but all the schools mine have been to have been very nice - and the only personal questions I have been asked are things like 'do you live fairly locally' ie normal polite chat not interviews.
And I have a nice mix of friends from the wealthy and privately educated to those with similar background to me....
Just remember that you are going to decide if you like the school - not the other way around

I am going to seek out school handbooks on the websites - thanks for that tip Muminscotland.

Yes, the article was a bit much I thought. Obviously meant to be humourous, but think it went a bit too far.

Also, scienceteacher, regarding what you said, I am getting the impression that there is a 'lower band' group of private schools in edinburgh that are considered to be quite 'normal'. Thats why I wasn't worrying about the visits...until i read the stupid newspaper article!!

As far as the cars go--appearances can be deceptive. I've found it's often the solidly professional families who have ancient but practical Ford, Vauxhall and Volvo estates or Renault Scenics, and the 'new money' company directors' wives who have the Cayennes (very popular round here). Not always, but often.

Ours is pretty well always the most humble auto. Lucky we use the school bus service, really, saves my son getting a complex. ;)

wondering whether my old school is normal or not

Oh dear--was that because of my post, ScienceTeacher? I hope I didn't put my foot in it. (Your old school carpark was full of... rickshaws? Hillman Imps...?)

DS is in the nursery at an independent school, will start reception in September. We looked around lots of schools and the staff were lovely. None of the schools felt at all snooty, (apart from Junior Kings, Canterbury!!!)

I went to Comprehensive, DH private all the way. The school we have chosen is lovely and has very 'normal' parents as far as I can see. No helicopters here!

HF. I will stick my neck out here at the risk of being identified or flamed or both.

My 2 kids go to Heriots. One is senior school and one is junior school. We changed them both halfway through primary because of the usual things...low grade bullying, poor performance, bad behaviour, etc.at the local state primary.

Heriots, IMO, is the best school in the world. Happy kids, happy parents and you are as likely to see an old M-reg cavalier picking up the kids as a DB9. We did the round of the other schools you mention and found them all the same ethos.

My husband is a teacher for Edinburgh City and is generally disappointed at the standard in state schools (there are exceptions in both schools and kids.) and I am a middle manager in the NHS so we are very much average. We just happen to have decided to prioritise our children's welfare and education over other purchases.

So what I am trying to say, is that the Edinburgh private schools are very normal and welcoming. Remember that about 27% of kids in Edinburgh go private now and Heriots are proud to boast that kids from every Edinburgh postcode attend.

HTH

Those of you who have chosen to send your children to private school - please don't pretend that it is a choice available to any but a privileged minority. I find threads talking about how normal and ordinary the families at private schools are completely disingenuous. My ds goes to a primary school where some parents can't afford 7 quid for a school trip.

If you have the money and choose to spend it in this way, fine. But it is a choice not available to 93% of the population!

The advice we were given when faced with this dilemma was find out how long the Head has been there. This turned out to be an excellent yardstick.

Sadly the brilliant Head at our independent primary was replaced by someone who was only interested in sport and his own kids, but at least DS was almost out of the school by then.

SniffyHock are you in Canterbury?

I live near Canterbury!

Not at all Bridie!

I am a bit intrigued at the various levels of Edinburgh schools, though. There aren't that many of them, and when I was there (OK, 26 years ago, but we were all very friendly with each other and certainly didn't feel that some schools were swankier than others.

I do seem to remember that a Loretto blazer was a more coveted trophy than a Fettes one among my classmates.

This isn't a thread about those who can't afford private, Seeker.

I know it's not, scienceteacher - but there was a lot of "all the cars in the car park are quite ordinary - just normal everyday people" stuff, and I wanted to put in a brief reality check, that's all.

I feel very strongly about this, because I live in an 11+ area, so better off people get all the advantage - the best possible state education and access to excellent private schools. I think fortunate people (like me!) ought to remember how fortunate they are>

I think they asked us what we did for a living but nothing more than that

You worry too much

Evenhope - I'm nearer to Ashford but we considered moving to Canterbury as there are more independent schools there.

We're in Ashford- our DCs went to school in Canterbury

Which school is yours at?

Oh seeker. Why bother posting?

My point is I am perfectly able to stay in touch with reality about education for people in both the state and private sector and have a good chinwag about the types of cars in school the car park.

Why shouldn't I post, MN?

SniffyHock - there are fab grammar schools in Canterbury too - my dd is at one!

exactly, MNA

I'll get my coat

Seeker - I think when people say "normal" and "ordinary" in this context, they mean "if you are in a position where you can afford to consider private schools, you will find many of the parents at them are not that different from your own situation". That's certainly what I mean by it. It is only meant as a reassurance to people who have the choice, that they will not find schools full of really rich / titled / famous people's children.

I know how lucky I am to be able to even consider it (though in fact I'm home educating).

Thanks Pacific for sticking your head above the parapet, your info about Heriot's was really helpful...and to everyone else too.

Seeker, as far as I can see from the posts, practically everyone is just giving me feedback on my particular question. I think the reason it was suggested why bother posting was that you must have known you would change the focus and direction of the thread to a very different debate.

It is sometimes useful to just get info about something specific to your own situation without having to apologise for being in better circumstances than others. That's life isn't it. There is always going to be someone in a better position.

God knows if I hadn't met my husband I would still be a poor struggling artist barely scraping together enough money to put a roof over my own head. My husband jokes now that we are better off when I am not working, my income prior to babies was so, um, erratic