Advice about visiting private schools for non-private school mum...

[HighlandFling]

Our ds is only 18 months but there is the possibility that we might go abroad for 3 years so dh and I have arranged some appointments to tour a few of the local private schools to get his name down just in case, for when we return.

I wasn't really thinking anything about this at all, but having just read an article in yesterday's paper about parents of children at private schools, I am suddenly getting myself in knots about the visits.

The thing is, I went to a pretty harsh state school, which, if I am asked, will certainly be known to the private schools we are visiting (in not too good a light, i would imagine). DH went to a Grammar school down south.

So, can anyone tell me how it works? Will we be asked questions about ourselves when we visit the schools for a tour next week? Would we be asked in-depth questions about our own educations at a later date? Will these details be filed and taken into consideration when offering my son a place?

I know this is probably coming across as a bit paranoid, but I just don't know much about how it all works, it's an alien world to me, and I would like to get an idea of what to expect.

(For the record, I can see positives in both private and state education. I feel very lucky we are in a position to explore both options!)

Any advice/experiences shared would be most welcome.

They want your money, love. they don't give a shit about your background (unless you're talking about Eton or something)

What they want to know is can you pay. Just like Waitrose.

Right then, I'll just get back to watching ER and not worrying about it then...

Just out of interest - are either of you parents of private school children?

You will not be asked any personal questions, you will be asked to show the colour of your money by putting down a deposit along with his name .

No@HighlandFling. Did the rounds of a few private schools, though, and went off the whole idea.

my frined works as a techer for a private school. his lot are very very normal and friendly - apart for teh school secretarly who is WELL posh but she is old school

they dont care where you come from - you will be surprised at the variation in parents. dont worry about it

Thanks smallwhitecat, that is helpful.

Thanks nailpolish. So, sounds like I dont need to dig out my grandmother's pearls for the occasion then!!

. Is the school more academic? Look at the displays. Are they perfect? If so the chances are they have not put up some childrens work because it doesn't look neat. This is mean. How old is the display? Do the children look happy? Are they polite? What is the staff turnover like? What opportunities (ie, clubs) can your child do? Ask about the amount of homework. Check the school holidays aswell as ds's school holiday's are rediculous and there's no childcare availiable for some of it. Check the added extras (music lessons, how much do they cost, you will have to pay for the trips so ask about them, the uniform will be expensive, how much do they fundraise?)

HF - relax and enjoy the tour. I went to public school from 5 years old and the backgrounds of children there was very diverse. Some seriously wealthy families up to single parents working all hours to pay the fees.

As it has been said before get a feel for the place and judge on that. They will not be asking for a bank statement

Look at the timetable and any extra cucricular activites.
If you think your DC needs anything in particular (my DC is very questioning ALL the time) ask how they deal with children who learn by doing rather than standard classroom stuff.
Look at how poilte the children are, whether they split into smaller groups, if the children are allowed to work on their own (where capable). Amount of sport, food and the quality of it.
Ask about the schools they feed the children to when they leave to get an idea of what the school run may be now and in the future.
Look at creative/rote learning balance.
Ask about testing (if they do it), and assessments, regime and feeedback.
Also ask about what happens if a child struggles in a particular subject, steps they take.
Homework regime (if any). Sports facilities, playtimes (number and length of). Any school rules that are particular to the school (our local one is that no child can be taken out of term time unless ill, i.e you can't go on hols during term time).
Do you like the head teacher? That counts for a lot!
If they ask where you went to school then they are likely to be a bit snobby and therefore their cultural norms are likely not to be yours! They will give you a prospectus and ask for a deposit. If they are very popular you may only get a waiting list place.
Some of them visit children at the nursery to assess them before a place is offered, check that too. The school should be very open.
I act dumb and if I get patronised I mentally cross the school off my list! Teachers that talk to DH rather than me when I have asked the question are also excluded.
Also take into account your childs character, one school I saw I really loved, very academic (like me!), but DC is very social and outgoing and performance orientated and DH thought her natural talents would be "crushed" by this very regimented school...he was right, so we chose a more "zingy" place.

At my son's prep school there are parents from every walk of life. A large number are first-time buyers: very ordinary (in the most complimentary way) people who've worked hard to be able to afford the fees. There are some grander folk, too, but not as many as you might imagine. I always find someone to chat to when I go to open days, etc.

It is just like visiting any school. No different in my experience. At the private and state ones we visited we spoke to the head for a bit about the school, them had a tour sound and then finished with another short chat. We did not get asked about our education or anything. We yes certainly not asked if we could afford it! We yes asked about dd but we visited the private schools when pg was a year old so not much to say to be honest. We went to our first choice again when she ya3 and it was ouch the same but more chat about her this time.

HighlandFling - if that was the same article I read in The Scotsman yesterday, believe me it has very little relevance to most parents at most independent schools! The person showing you round might ask about things like where you went to school, but it's because they are interested to know what groups of people they are managing to attract through their doors and who they haven't managed to reach yet. An increasing proportion of families going into independent schools are what they refer to as "first time buyers" so they will not be surprised (or bothered) that you went to state schools. They also won't take it into account when they decide whether to offer a place - but there may be tests, both to see how bright he is and to see how he relates to the other children. Some independent schools are very over-subscribed so it's not necessarily just a question of you choosing them, but that varies a lot depending on the school and the area. I'm guessing if you are looking at " a few of the local schools" ou must be looking at Edinburgh or Glasgow - I went round the loop of Edinburgh schools not so long ago, and they really vary a lot!

We actually asked very few questions at our first choice - wher she now is - in the end. Most of it was gut feeling. It just felt right from the first visit.

It will be fine. Ds1 goes to a private school and everyone there is really friendly and welcoming. I remember going for a tour and to meet the head a while back and they were really great. Just see what you think - is it your kind of place, do you like what you see of the people, the school, the facilities, the children etc.

just enjoy - we enjoyed touring the schools and our ds1 now enjoys attending - best thing we ever did

Ask :

How long has the Head been there and what are his future plans?

A prep school is the product of the Head - is he just arrived or is it time has moves on?

How many staff left at the end of last year?
How happy are the staff - you need a certain amount of turnover to keep new ideas flowing in.

What has the PTA bought for the school?
Gives you an idea about how much the school is investing in itself

One piece of advice I was given when I first looked was to take a look at the parents' cars at drop-off time - if they look "normal" then you can assume the parents are fairly ordinary too. I mentioned that on another thread, to be told of helicopters for the school run at one place... Slightly less typical parent there I think!

I went to local state and COMP and DH went to private for all schooling

DH now teaches in private

DS was state primary and now private senior

I agree all different children from different families go to DS and DH school some multi millionaire and some ordinary families

You go along , get a brief introduction from head then are taken around the school by an older child. Probably return for an informal chat with staff and a cup of tea. You can leave your name, conatct information and details of child such as which year you might be interested in him starting, then take away a glossy brochure and registration forms.

We visited a few state and private schools when we were looking at schools. Neither dh or I had a private education. At one private school (perhaps not coincidently the most expensive) the converstaion with the head virtually began with questions on what schools did we go to & universities etc. at none of the others was it mentioned. Needless to say we didn't choose that school, but places like that do still exist.

Mumin Scotland - yes indeed, it was the article in the SCotsman that I read!! And yes, it is Edinburgh that we are doing the rounds of. No shortage of choice of excellent independent schools in the capital north of the border it would seem.

It has been interesting reading everyone's posts - I really appreciate it.

I read the article in disbelief - they didn't say what school her kids were at, but there are certainly plenty of Edinburgh independent schools that are nothing like what she described. The Merchant Company schools (George Watsons, Stewarts Melville, Mary Erskines) and George Heriots are all very much mainstream schools, they all date back to when the new middle classes wanted decent but not snobby schools for their children and have a varied intake. Just get prospectuses and take a look round as many as you can to get a feel for them. I also found looking at the school handbook (usually somewhere on the website but not as obvious as the prospectus) gives you an idea of the school rules etc - if they are full of weird names for things and pointless rules then you'll have an idea what kind of place you're dealing with...