Summer born baby - confused by options

[Summerbaby333]

Name change for this. DS was due in September but arrived a few weeks early at the very end of August. Throughout my pregnancy people constantly said how great it was to have a September due date for my child’s outcomes, and many told me how much they now regretted having had their kids in the summer. Even the first thing the midwife said to me when I went to the hospital in labour was that it was a shame DS would now be the youngest in his year. All these comments really messed with my head and upset me as his Sept due date wasn’t “planned”, it was just where we landed after ages trying and failing to conceive, and I knew there was a chance he could come early which of course he did..

Maybe postpartum hormones but I still feel really upset by all this some weeks on, like I’ve already failed DS from the outset, and tbh it all really negatively impacted the birth experience :/. I know of course it depends on the child (and I was a summer born with many summer born friends and this wasn’t a thing back then, and it didn’t impact us at all!)- but the constant narrative and comments around it have been weighing me down.

I’ve looked into some of the stuff around deferrals to try and understand the options for summer borns and put my mind at rest from this stuff. It seems our local primary would allow deferrals, but what I don’t understand is the knock on impact for secondaries. From what I can tell, all the secondary grammars and private schools in our area (and probably in most areas) state that children cannot be out of year. So basically if you defer your child at primary level, then if you wanted to move them to a private or grammar school at secondary (or earlier), you’d be messed up because they’d then have to skip a year forward. So by making that deferral decision at 3 you’d be limiting your child to a potentially very narrow range of schools later on (in our case, maybe only one comp secondary which has a very poor rep) as presumably skipping forward a year at 11 is very difficult. And even if you did manage to keep them in the deferred year in their secondary, they’d still face other issues eg not being able to compete in their years sports team (I don’t fully get this but it seems to come up).

Is that right? How do people manage that risk later on - do they just accept a limited range of secondaries will be available? Or are eg private schools more flexible than their websites suggest? Everyone on these forums seems to extol the merits of deferring but I just can’t understand how it practically works in the long run. Any advice from people who have gone through this would be very helpful. I know I probably sound crazy to be worrying about this so much now but given how crwp I’ve been made to feel, I just want to rationalise the options in my head :(

Privates are more flexible in practice.

Lots of people who move internationally put their kids (by agreement) out of year in private, often because the school system is different.

However if you defer in the U.K. then in a way you are giving yourself an age advantage. For grammars, everyone else sits the exam at 11 your child is 12.

If the school has competitive entry it's not level playing field - grammars in particular adjust the results of their tests for age.

In general people defer pretty much only if their child is not ready for school. You can't tell this so early on. Statistically summer borns tend to struggle a bit more but that's over the whole population and there are plenty of geniuses with an August birthday - maybe your child will be one of them.

Oh op. Your baby will be lovely and he'll be fine as a summer born.

Mine is an August baby and he was a regional level sportsperson and got top A levels results.

The only thing that was a pain was all his friends hitting 18 and being able to go to the pub before him!!

The same thing happened with my DS! Due September, arrived mid August. I’m a teacher so I was worried (especially after a delightful ex-colleague described summer born boys as “disasters”!).
However… we didn’t defer or anything, I did lots with him at home before he started school etc and he left Year 6 this summer with amazing SATs results and a lovely friendship group. Totally ready for secondary school.
Your DS will be fine - it’s waaaaay more about what you do with them at home than about their month of birth in terms of school readiness, so really don’t worry!

From what I can tell, all the secondary grammars and private schools in our area (and probably in most areas) state that children cannot be out of year

Private schools can do whatever they want, but state schools cannot implement a blanket policy like this. They are required by law to make a decision based on the child's best interests and the circumstances of the case. If you are thinking of deferring, you should talk to the grammar schools to find out what they really do, but you have a few years before that becomes an issue.

I'm so sorry you've had comments like that and it's affected you so much. I'm expecting in October and it never crossed my mind to plan the due date, after 2 years trying and a miscarriage, I couldn't have cared less what the due date was. I've had comments about it being beneficial, before that I never even thought about it! A child's outcomes is determined by far more than when their birthday is. I think it's far more about the individual child's personality and development than their age, only you can know if they are ready or better to wait a year. I'd only defer if you really think your child isn't ready for school, don't focus specifically on their age.

I had the opposite- DD was due in August and came in September.

A few years in, you really can't tell who was born when. There are Autumn born who weren't ready and late Summer born who were overly so. DD was ready about 18 months before she went and would have been fine if she had been born a few days earlier and went the year before.

Assess your child when the time comes ans make your decision then. It might surprise you just how much they change in the year before school- it certainly did me!

ETA: parental.involvement and engagement is a huge factor in educational outcomes. The best thing any parent can do is be engaged and involved, no matter when in the year their child is born.

First, you have absolutely not failed him, and you don’t have to think about this at all for three years!

Then, if you do decide you want to delay his reception start, you can. I’ve delayed mine, it was really easy. By the time your little one is moving to secondary there will be more and more delayed summer Borns, they’ll be used to it. Already schools are working with this, and kids going in to secondary now are mostly absolutely fine staying in their adopted cohort.

Honestly, put this out of your mind for a few years!

My DC is August and in early primary school you could see the difference between the September and August kids but by the end he surpassed the September kids. I’m just saying this because they do catch up so don’t worry about it.

Please ignore to doom mongers. Cherish your newborn. For everyone September high achiever there is an August one.

DS has an end of August birthday. I never considered deferral as he was fine in his peer group at pre school. Just like @Kiuyni's son, he played county level sport throughout secondary school and got great A level results. His female friend with end of Aug. birthday did fantastically well academically, played sport for GB and fitted in being head girl.

don’t stress op, at least not yet.

I have an august kid who has just started secondary school

I ummed and ahed about deferring but it turned out to be 100% the right decision not to. He was definitely socially quite small and behind when he first started school. But he’d pretty much caught up within a couple of years. Finished y6 “exceeding” in almost all areas and finding quite a lot of the work quite easy. He would have really hated to have been kept a year down.

what I will say is when your child is 3ish and you are applying for schools (or not) you might well be thinking “no way is he ready”. I did! But in that last year between turning 3 and 4 they do grow up loads, it’s a third again of their entire lives don’t forget.

Anecdotal I know but my summer born boy is thriving - no issues at all. I got a lot of comments about how tough it was going to be for him (especially after DC1 was a winter born girl!). He took a little while to get going in reception but is in y5 now and has never had any Academic or social issues. Don't worry - you can defer him if you want to but either way he will be absolutely fine and you have certainly not failed him.

I didn't defer btw - DS is mid July

I'm a late august baby, it's absolutely fine, please don't worry. Deferring is an option but it isn't always the right idea or even desirable for the majority

OP, we are in the same boat. My little boy was due at the end of August and I had a family member tell me I should hold off an induction until I am nearer 42 weeks so the date would be pushed into September...

I too have also looked into deferral and have come to the same conclusions you have (my little boy is now 2).

There is a group I joined on FB - 'flexible admissions for summer borns' which gives lots of helpful advice and guidance for those going through the process.

However I would warn you to use this group with caution - it isn't for those who are thinking about deferring, it is for those who support a CSA reception start and have decided that is what they will do.

Personally I find a lot of people in the group are quite opinionated and feel they should have much more power in their hands. In my mind, the decision to hold a child back for a CSS start should be based on the child and their abilities and made in collaboration with the education authorities. It shouldn't be a decision a parent makes 'just because they are summerborns'. So do approach the group with caution, the content is not very balanced.

I am personally undecided what we will do about our little boy and will revisit next September when he is 3 and we would need to apply for primary schools.

If the nursery and education authorities feel it is best we hold him back (if he is slower to develop than his peers etc) then that is what we will do. I certainly feel this is a decision to be made in collaboration with others - I am in no way an expert on early years teaching and on child development and will trust those who know more than me to advise me what is best for my child. If they feel it is best he joins his usual year, then that is what we will do.

I hope that helps OP. I was directed to the FB group via a poster on mumsnet and whilst it gives helpful content, it is extremely biased and one sided - so view with caution!

OP here is the thread I started about exactly this. It may be helpful for you to see.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/parenting/4738293-august-baby-deferring-primary-school-entry

I have a summer born. They struggled in the early years and it was important to keep their self esteem up and to make sure they saw themselves as learners.
They caught up with peers by year 2 and outstripped them by year 6.
Now smashing it in comp.

Focus on keeping your lovely little boy confident and happy. They do catch up and learn the valuable lesson of having to actually try along the way.

I second the Facebook group already mentioned.

my son was born 15th of aug and I chose to send him to school at compulsory school age (5) he's always been at expected level and a lot the kids now know he could of been in the year above but he's hasn't received any negative comments .

he's in year 6 now and we have very easily agreed with our first choice secondary that he can stay with his adopted cohort and start in year 7 (if he gets a place there )

I don't have any regrets . But like others have said it's too early to worry about it now .

not all summer borns struggle ,my stepdaughter is July baby , very academic and has won a scholarship to a private school .

I did defer my end of August child; not because I didn’t think he would be OK starting school at four but I just thought he’d be happier staying at preschool another year and starting at five. I also live somewhere where it’s acceptable to do this so it wasn’t a huge deal. I think I was right but I think that about my August child not everyone’s else’s. He has plenty of friends who have been fine being the youngest in their year. And my firstborn would have hated waiting any longer to start school! I think you will know your child better than anyone and you have years to get to know him and decide. August babies are the best whenever they go to to school! Congratulations on your new baby.

Really similar experience here with my Y6 boy - secondary are happy for him to start next year. It’s been fine and a positive experience overall despite him knowing he was ‘officially’ in the year above and doing his football teams with the older kids.

This is personal choice and depends on your child and family circumstances and views really.

The admissions guidance is clear now that the presumption is that children educated out of cohort will remain with their adopted cohort throughout their education. It would be very difficult to argue that it is in a child's best interests to have them skip an entire year of education to move cohorts.

My DC1 is only in yr 1 but we sent them to reception at 5 and very confident that we made the right decision for them. They're doing great at school, enjoying it, social etc. They weren't emotionally or socially ready for school at just turned 4, not to mention the physicality side of things, of being so tiny as they are quite petite anyway. But obviously most people don't decide to do this and I don't have an opinion on their choices.

@Drivingoverlemons i forgot to say in my post we got a dispensation from the fa so he could play with his adopted cohort ( several of his classmates are in his outside school football team )

glad you've had a good experience

Depends where you live too. I deferred my summer born son, and the LA have put it in writing that he stays with his adopted cohort through primary and secondary. And we live in a grammar school area, so there may well be a lot more options than you think.

Ooh I didn’t realise you could do this - glad that has worked out for you! It’s the only thing that felt a bit of a shame at times but luckily he gets on well with his team.

Wait and see, I am summer born and I don't really agree with deferring unless absolutely necessary.
My nephew is late August born and has done absolutely fine at school, he is in year 5 now.
September babies don't always do better, they can get bored and frustrated being "held back"

I understand the worry OP - I felt the same myself. We eventually decided to delay and start reception at compulsory school age (5). Tbh I think she'd have been fine either way but I'd rather she had an extra year to play and be that little bit more mature when she takes her GCSEs etc. You have options, so don't stress.

As pps have said, the schools have to make the decision about staying in their adopted cohort "in the best interest of the child". Definitely recommend joining the Facebook group mentioned.

(Nb all of this applies specifically to England, the rules are different for Wales/Scotland/NI)