Is private from offset - looking for input from parents with experience please

[Moveornot2]

Hello, i apologise in advance if this has been asked numerous times before.

I am very torn and appreciate any input re my child and private schooling from the offset.

I would like to ask, those who have older children who are still in school or moved onto secondary or later, has private schooling been worth it from Reception. Or how would you have done it differently.

To provide more context, we do have good states in the area , but lot of people still opt for private on our road , area. My son is smart enough as much I can tell for this age , but does lack focus and attention span

tia

It's about finances really, if it's going to be tight then no, as for attention, I'm guessing he's 3 years old! Give him a break.

I did it for both children.
It's financially a huge huge burden, unless you are super wealthy.
We had good incomes and paid fees out of taxed wages
I did love the prep school my girls attended and they had the most wonderful education BUT ..I won't be retiring early or buying my dream home
I'm playing catch-up now with savings and pension etc.

@Theredjellybean thank you. I get that, we are in similar situation - two good incomes , but a lot less will be invested in savings / pension. Do you think it was worth it ?

We did primary state to give us time to save up and are doing Yr 7-11/13 private. Fantastic village state primary with class sizes of 14-16 so we just didn't see the benefit in paying private for those years. M
DD is top set most subjects and has settled to private secondary really well so we don't feel that money would have been well spent at primary.
You need to remember that teachers/parents are most influential at primary but at secondary that shifts to peers.
Private school isn't all about grades at GCSE/A level so only you can decide whether it will be "worth it". So many other factors are involved. All I can say is that, so far, it has been money well spent for us.

My personal preference and what we did for our DS was state primary, private until 16 and then state A levels.

That was financial decisions for us as well but also as I wanted my DS to have a good balance and stepping stone to potential uni from state setting.

I only know a few people who do state primary and it does speak like a giant waste of money.

For us, we moved our twins to private during year 2 and wished we had done so sooner. The progress they have made in just a couple of terms was genuinely breathtaking and their social development has also been significant. I will caveat this by saying that both have SEN and are currently below expectations for English and Maths. If I had academic kids, I might have waited till year 4 or 5 to offest the financial pressure.

For us, private from prep was 150% worth it. My DC is naturally shy, I have been encouraging more confident behaviour but as they spend 8 hours at school, the ethos of school has a massive impact too. Private schools routinely encourage can-do attitude, confidence, willingness to try new things, overcome obstacles etc.

So private schools for us is not about grades or facilities or anything like that (our pre-prep had no facilities whatsoever and taught in portacabins while local state primary had amazing fields). It's about building character and shaping the child as an individual so I'd rather do private from Reception then switch to state when the personality is more developed.

We did state up to year 3 and then private. I wish I had put them in private from the start.

We did solely private from nursery through to sixth form for both our kids. If money is AT ALL an issue then I wouldn’t advise it. We knew we could afford it out of income with no requirement to cut back on anything else. Madness to reduce pension contributions in particular.

Educationally and with the benefit of hindsight I think the benefits were marginal (both average kids)

@Ubertomusic I entirely agree with this

the ethos of school has a massive impact too. Private schools routinely encourage can-do attitude, confidence, willingness to try new things, overcome obstacles etc.

This is where the benefit lies.

When we moved house we moved our DDs from state to private. DD1 went into 6th form and DD2 went into year 6. Both did equally well in school going by exam results and both did exceptionally well at uni. I honestly think it can really depend on the child. My DD1 was a real go getter - motivated and smart from the start. DD2 was a slow burner and it took her a while to find herself academically and I think the private setting really encouraged her and brought her on.

This is where decent parenting comes in.

If the school's messages and the family's values are not aligned, parents will be swimming against the tide all the time and it's exhausting. "Aim higher, do better, challenge yourself" vs "You've done so well, you achieved a 4, isn't that marvellous!" leading to "Why do I bother if I'm already nearly perfect and no one around me is working hard and that's OK".

This kind of conflicts of attitudes.

Exactly!

All my children were in private from day one. However we had cash to fund them all until A levels. I’d never put a child into a school without knowing that you can complete the full journey with a child - as it’s not fair to drag them out when you don’t have the money (seen it multiple times and the children are absolutely gutted) it’s just not nice for the child

one child easy.

my “mistake” was doing lots of different schools and dividing them off - one school walking distance from home would be perfect. Co Ed all the way. Rather than spending hrs driving around girls vs boys vs co Ed.

Also, any question of ASD / sen - not for a private school. The law protects you better in a state school and they have to adapt better / give reasonable adjustments rather than sorry good bye

Private schools are very nice - it’s beautiful- is the teaching any better - questionable - as the majority of children have tutors 🤣

I was all for the state local friends and all that. However my husband earn the cash and wanted private (to be fair the state school had no grass and that was important to my husband)

Thanks all ! Lot of food for thought

Absolutely!

We chose private from reception because the wrap around care was excellent and included within the fee structure. The school was a good fit and in the words of the ISC inspector a truly free range school for children but with a strong academic bias. They played loads of sports, no inside play at break or lunch whatever the weather so it was wellies and raincoats. Outdoor classroom for the summer and their own forest school.
When they reach yr2 they were allowed to climb trees.
It is academically selective and when DS sailed through the entrance test for senior school without tutoring, we decided to commit to senior school. Again it was the right fit and although we had the usual moans he genuinely loved school. He loved his “bus family”, the bus journey was 40 mins and served both the private schools in the city. He loved the sport and did well academically.
I don’t remember one day when he was reluctant to go, he had less than 5 days off I’ll throughout primary and senior school.

He has blossomed over the years, was quiet but funny, at times but emerged in one piece after the pandemic. He has had some brilliant teachers, a few he didn’t get on with but on the whole the standard of teaching was good.

I think one of the biggest benefits is the behaviour. A lot of state parents scoff and assume they are entitled and spoilt but the majority of families support the behaviour policies and support the processes used for bad behaviour. The children are polite and courteous in school. Most parents expect the same basic behaviour at home. They also had no problem with zero tolerance and expulsion if necessary.

DS1 did state (in London, which was fine in reception) until year 2. Then private 2-6. Passed 11+ and then did grammar in bucks up to year 13 (awful).
DS2 private all through (all great)
DD did state til year3 (which was fine for her), private 3-6, state 7 (awful!) then private again.

who knows?
all our private school have been great.

This has been asked a million times on mums net..

Our kids did village primary til year 2 or 3 then prep school. One now at senior private school from year 9 and one at grammar school from year 7.

In our experience generally prep school has 10x more sport and better art and music. Ask yourself is that worth £X per year? Other than that reception to year 3 looks much the same.

We thought the kids would be a bit smarter (parents more pushy) at the prep school and our kids would be pushed more. Not the case. In fact some of the academic teaching of the basics at the prep school has been pretty bad eg in one subject the exercise book marked termly..

The private senior school DC1 is at is better than our local state schools (we know this from friends and the results) but nothing amazing.

The teaching at the grammar school has really impressed DC2 and he is fully engaged which wasn't happening at the prep school.

Our prep school was full of quirky kids who needed a nurturing atmosphere. If you don't need this and not fussed about sport / art etc and have time to drive to clubs after school then I'd forget private primary unless your local state primary is dire.

My Aunt said she wished she’d never bothered.

Thank you all. Besides the academic , do you think private helps with behaviour , confidence etc ( again from the offset)

Yes 100%. In only her 2nd year DD has massively increased in confidence in herself. This doesn't mean arrogance, just being in an environment where she is encouraged at every step, her teachers being able to really get to know her as in individual, really positive and respectful teacher/pupil relationships and being told that she can do anything means is believing in herself so much more.
Public speaking lessons have enabled her to go from someone petrified of standing up in class to now giving a 20 min presentation to the new Yr 7s.
No peer bullying for putting your hand up in class/doing well in exams etc.
It all adds up to a highly nurturing learning environment which itself builds confidence and all talents atlrw celebrated and encouraged, whether academic/artistic/musical/dramatic/sports etc

Thanks great ! Thank you for such a helpful response. Our reasons are definitely not just academic, but other things like behaviour , confidence and the extra curricular etc

Our reasons were only very slightly academic. People who have no experience of private frequently assume it is for results when that is only part of the picture.
DD is bright but fairly lazy and at state primary she waw often used to manage the behaviour and leaning of other kids, we didn't want that for her at secondary. In a class size of 18 she can't hide, teachers have time to get to know each pupil and stretch the more able ones. They set in English + maths from the start of Yr 7, Humanities from Yr 8 and science from Yr 9. That means much more targeted level of teaching whereas our local state doesn't set until Yr 10 + 11.
The pastoral has been great so far and they have a really strict zero tolerance to bullying and aren't afraid to expel.
Basically a safe and nurturing learning environment with a focus on offering an all round education, equally strong in sport and the Arts as academic