Is private from offset - looking for input from parents with experience please

[Moveornot2]

Hello, i apologise in advance if this has been asked numerous times before.

I am very torn and appreciate any input re my child and private schooling from the offset.

I would like to ask, those who have older children who are still in school or moved onto secondary or later, has private schooling been worth it from Reception. Or how would you have done it differently.

To provide more context, we do have good states in the area , but lot of people still opt for private on our road , area. My son is smart enough as much I can tell for this age , but does lack focus and attention span

tia

I would say though each indy school is different and, same as with state, you need to look at a few and see which seems the best fit. We chose DDs above a GDST school with better results because of the broader curriculum and the "all round" thing plus feel of the school.

My kids did state primary and private secondary. Both were fantastic. However if I was doing it again or advising others I’d say to think hard. Older child is now at university as are his primary school friends. They are all great kids and did as well as he did but without that huge expense. If your kids are bright and you have Oxbridge aspirations, again I think you’d be better placed staying state.

We did private from the outset for a couple of reasons: 1. in our area state secondary provision is rubbish and we knew we definitely wanted private secondary. The private primary (pre prep and prep to 11) are completely geared up to getting through the exams. 2. The experience for the child. Smaller classes, high quality lunches (yes really!), great behaviour, great facilities and opportunities, a culture of being and doing your best - not purely academic pressure though.

We are doing private throughout. For us it's primarily about the experience for the child. I'm a straight A student from a sink comprehensive - I'm proof that you don't need to pay (or tutor!) to get great results - but for us it's the journey not the destination to use a clichéd metaphor. Kids spend the majority of their waking lives in school from age 4-18. If I can spend my hard earned cash on making that time the best it can possibly be for my child, why wouldn't I? Why make do with large class sizes and high teacher turn over? With kids with behaviour issues disrupting and bullying?
But the financial commitment is immense - don't start what you can't complete as having to move out of private for financial reasons is hugely disruptive.

PS: Apologies for being a pedant but the phrase is 'from the outset' or 'from the off', not 'from the offset'. Offset is usually used as a verb 'to set something against another thing to reduce it' - the noun offset is the resultant benefit of the offsetting.

@Moveornot2 my DS’ school is excellent for building confidence- they start show and tell from reception and opportunities to stand up and speak are built in across the curriculum. They share out the opportunities so it isn’t the same few getting picked all the time (my experience at state school).

It’s an excellent private primary that has high expectations for all children to try their best, and gives them opportunities to shine in drama, music, sport, chess, art, robotics. However there are some dreadful private schools nearby I would consider a complete waste of money.

Yup definitely. I did state mixed primary, all girls state y7-8, private all girls y9 (to escape bullying, then dad was about to be made redundant), mixed state y10-11, boys state grammar 6th form

Grammar was by far the best education

My mum had to put in formal complaints to my state school before they'd give me the curriculm for higher maths (that my parents had to pay a tutor to teach me) as "anyone in this school would be exceptionally happy with a D in maths". Well that's lovely but I'm not going to get into medical school with a D in maths am I?

Think the private depends on the school, mine was predominantly an international school with mostly borders, the small class sizes were good but the vast majority of the subjects were spent teaching English language not the actual subject so I didn't really feel it was a beneficial education. That and my German class of 3 was me and 2 native Germans so much was spent me watching them gab to the teacher and me not knowing what was occurring lol

The bit I think we wasted money on was pre prep, so thats from nursery class to age 7. I wish we had done state until that age then moved to private. Also just be very careful in picking your private school, some of them look very slick and promise the world - but can turn out to be all fur and no knickers!

Ds is now in a co ed private senior school (day pupils only). Im glad we moved him from a school that was boarding and day, I always felt it was run to suit the boarders and day pupils were an after thought.

One of my children did state primary and then private secondary. He has always been fairly bright and confident. He managed the transition to private secondary but definitely noticed a difference in expectation and academic standard!

Another of my DC moved to private at the start of year 4 because he was academically bored and socially struggling at state primary. He has flourished at private school - no longer the odd kid for being clever and wanting to learn, and a new social start. I don't think he'll struggle with the transition to secondary as the prep will prep him for it.

My youngest DC is just starting state primary. My intention is to move to private for secondary, though I'll find a way to move school earlier if needed. I don't think it will be needed though, as I think he is academically bright and socially confident enough to enjoy whichever school he is at.

The pre-prep section of our prep school is beautiful. Classes of 15 with a teacher plus a TA, so they spend their days in groups of 5 rotating through teacher/TA led learning and self-led play. The classrooms are spacious and well equipped and the teachers are calm, quiet, fun and supportive. It feels really different to the state R-Y2 experience my kids had/will have in state. Comes at a huge financial cost though, and I can't stretch that far.

Have a look around your local schools, state and private. You may find you're totally happy with the state offering and can save £££ by moving later.

For DD I don’t think it was worth it until Y3/aged 7. We chose her private school when she was 2 to go into the school nursery at 3, it was also covid so couldn’t actually tour and whilst the early years were great it became obvious that it wasn’t the best fit for her from about Y1. We moved her for Y3 and are pretty sure we got it right this time. It’s really hard to look at a toddler and know what will work for them for years to come so if I was doing it again I’d do ‘state til 8’, at least with DC1 and then consider how much the ease of 1 drop off is worth in financial terms for DC2!!

We also did this.
Both DC fitted into Private Secondary very easily and were much more mature and street wise than most of their peers in Y7 who had been at The Prep, plus they had a more rounded school experience and friends from a variety of backgrounds. I am also much more integrated into our community in general via people I know from Primary even though my DC left some time ago.
Our DCs Secondary doesn't have a 6th form so most go State at that age and DD seemed much better equipped for that transition as well and I think DS will be too next year.
Private school does tend to be a bit of a bubble and if you have a good State alternative for Primary (or any level really) it IS nice to be able to function outside that for both children and parents.

If you have the money I would definitely go private all the way through. Mine went to an ‘outstanding’ primary but because they were middle of the road academically, they mostly got ignored at school. Concentration seemed to be on the naughty children and so they were never encouraged to be any better or work to achieve. They went to private secondary which was amazing for them in terms of self belief, confidence and also sporting and music ability.
in hindsight I would absolutely have sent them to private school from the start.

@Moveornot2 yes it was worth it.

but is it harder to get in for the 7+

Depends on the school. Loads of schools are only 7+ and don’t have an attached pre prep. Some might not be particularly competitive. Even those that are a bit more academic, if your DC can’t get in with a bit of prep at home then it probably isn’t the best fit for them. But for some schools I could see how this might be an advantage! For us, with hindsight, which I know is a wonderful thing, it really wasn’t.

@InTheRainOnATrain thank you very much , very helpful advice. We will definitely consider waiting until 7+ then

DS has done private from nursery (wasn't original plan). I think we will do state for secondary now (due to VAT).

It is a financial burden but the upside to that was the wrap around care and holiday camps also sorted childcare (he is 10 now so things have moved on a bit).

Smaller class sizes, less disruptive kids (but not 0 disruptive kids of course). Great range of different subjects going on all the time (humanities, art, drama, music etc all timetabled in from year 2). Moving around to different classrooms from year 3 so super ready for high school in that regard by the end of year 6. For DS biggest thing is the sports. Versus what is going on in (most) state primary schools the time spent on sport and the sporting opportunities on offer are incredibly different. For DS that has 100% been worth the spend alone.

I have read before that 8-12 is a really key age for kids brains and education and therefore junior school is a great time to spend it if you have a limited budget for private schools.

Having had a child in private education since reception (now Year10 and counting the days to GCSE to stop this madness) I can categorically tell you that I would never ever put a child through private schools again. It's a complete waste of money and you can get the absolutely same education in state schools. Small classes are great in theory but if your child has a friendship issue there is only a tiny pool of friends to choose from and no way to escape bullies.

We've had a completely different experience of private.

Always learning to the highest level possible, smaller classes, no disruptions, great choice of extra curricular and mainstream subjects, excellent facilities, staff are plentiful - very rare to have cover teachers, amazing results at GCSE, Alevel and university admission. We had an issue with friendship groups and some bullying - lots of support and interventions, bullying dealt with quickly, sessions with counsellor.

Compare that to a friend who ended up home schooling her daughter to keep her away from the harm of a bully at state school. The bully was in the care of the local authority and so apparently couldn't be expelled despite repeated physical assaults. Friends daughter had to change her class/start and leave times/journey to and from school and was offered therapy for the PTSD it caused. So she removed her daughter for her own health. Don't know what that school results are but they aren't as good as a half decent private. And I wouldn't want my kids dealing with that shit.

We did private from the start for both. Both are now at uni.

it was just what everyone around us was doing and the contrast between facilities at the local primary vs prep seemed so stark when we looked around.

BUT I have since been a governor at the local primary and can see it without my precious firstborn goggles on. It’s a great little school with a good mix of kids.

doing it all again? I would at least start at the primary. Then we could have properly reassessed at 7 or 11.

i also think I would consider either more local independents or the grammars.

my 2 both spent way too long on school buses to get to the best schools in the area and I don’t know whether that was the right decision.

for context they both got amazing academic results. The above comments don’t reflect any bitterness!

If you can afford it comfortably then private all the way through is nice. I do feel that in primary you are paying for the experience- small classes, extras, being invited in for shows and plays. The educational experience is probably as good in a decent state primary, especially if you top up with good extracurricular clubs and maybe a tutor.
Secondary private does seem to be better with lots of clubs and opportunities.
I don’t regret choosing private from the start, we moved DS at 9 so he did reception to year 4 at a tiny prep with lovely early years and then years 5 and 6 in the junior department of his selective independent school. Years 5 and 6 with 2 and 3 forms rather than one and using the same campus, library, dining hall, swimming pool and sports facilities as senior school meant an easier transition in year 7.
He’s an only child though and we can afford the fees.