@NorSom I do understand where you are coming from but firmly believe that SEN support in local schools will only improve when those that can afford it stop sending their DC to indi and state schools/LAs are forced to deal with the problem on a universal level.
Like you say the majority of DC in indi don't have an EHCP, all parents want their child to thrive and avoid trauma. I can understand that they could afford not to detail years of failure but this should not be a choice of affordability. No child should have to suffer years of failure before support is given.
The majority that have an EHCP are deemed able to cope with mainstream and indi mainstream is not named in Section I. Maybe support will work, maybe it will fail. Again it takes to long to recognise 'failure' and ignores well-being.
Special schools are different. The Indi is named. In fact I am not aware of any special school that does not require an EHCP naming placement so profoundly affected will not be subject to VAT. Given the astronomical fees VAT is not an issue.
Most tribunals for refusal to assess are mainstream with limited funding and then you are stuck with what the school provides with constant claims that the child is fine. Indi is not named and so not VAT exempt.
Yes I went to tribunal for DS1 once he had an EHCP to challenge provision and placement and he got a place in indi specialist. But it was too late. Placement broke down after 5 terms. After involving SOS!SEN he had a bespoke package delivered at home with specialist tutors, SALT, OT and CAMHS. He is now an adult with severe anxiety and I have been a full time carer (with the exception of specialist school) for about 15 years. I know how shit it is. I often wonder if early intervention could have averted this. We moved him from indi to state in year 2 because indi couldn't meet need and was affecting self esteem but state was no better.
I opted for bespoke package of home Ed and internet school for DS2 (he had an EHCP). No trauma. Did well in GCSEs, went to brick 6th form, achieved Astar in maths, A in further maths and A in physics and is going to uni next month to study masters in mechanical engineering.
Are DS1 and DS2 so different because of different provision or because of different profile - I don't know but I wish DS1's experience had been different and he didn't face a life on PIP and ESA with me as carer for life.
For a child with complex needs indi is not the cure all. It may be sufficient for some specific DC with low need, who are academically able with no behavioural issues that affect the learning of others.
I understand on a personal level you want your child to be one that survives and thrives. But VAT is not the hill to die on or to sacrifice your child on if indi is working for them.
As a society though we need to focus on those with high need who are not academically able whose behaviour does impact on others and who are left in state with poor provision as they are more likely to be traumatised and cost the state long term in disability benefits.