Are my parents making a bad choice?

[Anther220]

Hi all,

I am in Year 12, going into Year 13 in September.

My parents are planning to move house to an area that is around 40 miles away from where I currently go to school in October.

I feel like this is a very bad decision for a number of reasons:

• My commute will go from 45 minutes to upwards of 1hr 15 by train + walking to the train station
• I’ll be moving far away from all my friends so will rarely get to see them during Yr 13 and in the summer after Yr13
• My A-Level revision and overall education may be impacted by the change in a particularly crucial year

I feel like my parents have not considered me at all in this due to themselves and my sibling not being impacted as much as me - my sibling will be moving school and parents WFH.

I do not see why they couldn’t wait until after my exams to move by renewing their rental contract and they have been very ambiguous and intransigent about the situation when I express my concerns.

One solution could be renting a place near my school temporarily in the months during and before my exams but I’m not sure how practical this would be. Moving schools is not on the table either.

So, am I the one in the wrong?

Should I just stick it out for the 7 months I have in Year 13 and rent temporarily around my exams or try to persuade my parents (very unlikely as they seem to have made up their minds)?

@Anther220

Do they have a particular reason, something to do with employment, for instance, for moving in October rather than after you have finished school?

Could you room with a school friend during the week and go home for weekends?

"Suck it up buttercup "

That's really unkind

Yes, I believe it’s mainly related to my parent’s employment/finances generally but they have been quite vague about this with me.

Unless there are extenuating circumstances, I think that your parents are being extremely selfish in moving away when you are just about to do your final year of A Levels.

A close friend I was considering doing this with has had a really major family issue come up so I don’t think this would be possible unfortunately.

Because its not a child's place to know the details of their parents finances.

They are aware of everything. Including your wants and have to balance that against the pros and cons.

Your naivety shows when you so easily mention getting a rental for a short while.
There is a housing crisis.

I agree, it is quite upsetting for them to overlook my concerns like this. They’re reluctant to changing their minds and it is quite a late stage in the moving process so I’m just trying to work with the inevitable.

Yes, I believe it’s mainly related to my parent’s employment/finances generally but they have been quite vague about this with me

Protecting you?

Either they are shit parents, or something has happened financially that they don’t want to share (are you moving to a cheaper area)?

But yes this is incredibly shit for you, and you’ll have to put a tonne of work in the avoid it affecting your grades. Really unfair. Your sibling moving school is also pretty shit for them - they will lose all their friends.

But it may be your parents don’t actually have any other option. If they are otherwise decent, I’d try to assume the best. If they have form for being shitty, well, at least you only have another 12 months of living with them.

@Anther220

It could be that their income over the last few years has been less than they expected and that they are hoping to manage the drop in income by moving to a cheaper property.

Could your parents drive you to school and pick you up again in the afternoon, making the situation a little bit more bearable?

Yes, I am trying to see this from their perspective too if they believe it’s best for the family as a whole then they are better positioned to think that and make that decision, I’m just trying to mitigate any adverse impacts on my education.

I believe this may be the truth about the situation as well.

I think I could raise that with them, the drive is around 50 minutes so maybe if they dropped me halfway and I then took the train that could work potentially.

I’m sure your parents would not be making a decision like this lightly. We’re living in a bloody tough world post Covid and many of us are having to make hard decisions right now.

If you’re thinking of uni it’s even possible one of the reasons for the move is to free up some money to help support you and they don’t want to burden you with that so are keeping their reasoning vague, which they are perfectly entitled to do.

The journey by train could be an excellent time to study so that when you get home you can relax. Perhaps your college could look at timetabling to make the journey out of peak hours, or schedule contact time over four days a week rather than five.

Hopefully friends will be happy for you stay over if you want to go back and go out with them on weekends.

It’s less than a year of your life and you can’t expect your parents to make their decisions entirely on that basis when you may well be off to uni next year and where the live will become much less relevant.

So you're 16/17? At your age I'd be honest with my child about the reasons we had to move. If it's financial then unfortunately there's not much they or you can do. But for example if it's just because they don't like the area anymore or want a shorter commute themselves then I think it's selfish. In the latter circumstances they should wait until you finish your A levels. The fact you can travel to your current school in, although long it isn't undoable. Just use the time to do your homework or chill.

I’m not being funny but if it’s to do with their finances then how exactly do you plan on paying for the rent for another place?!

How old are your siblings? Is it a good time for them to change schools? It isn't ideal and i wouldn't move but they may not have a choice due to financial issues.

I have a good amount of savings from part-time work which I can use, and it’d likely be a short term arrangement in a small place just for the duration of exams/pre-exam weeks to maximise study time.

My sibling is entering Year 8

It sucks but you could use the train journey to revise or do homework or write coursework. Plan what you're going to do the night before. I had an hour and a half commute into university and most of my coursework was written on the train

I'd look again at finding somewhere to stay during the week.

An elderly neighbour? A relative?

Most parents wouldn't move at this stage of their children's education, so there will be a reason.

Your parents don't need to share their financial information with you, but if you have seen any news over the past year or two you will see that the cost of living has soared. This may need to be what they need to do to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table. Many of us were comfortable a few years ago and now find ourselves with little left at the end of the month. Your parents probably also have an eye on the expense of the university years and their need to be increasing rather than reducing savings.

Your comments do show some innocence - the savings from your PT job (well done btw!) are unlikely to be enough to rent somewhere to study. That's fine - most teens don't understand adult finances in full, I certainly didn't. You need to trust in your parents' assessment of their finances.

Very few parents would do this if they had a choice, in fact most parents would do everything they could to keep you at your school BUT sometimes Parents can't do things so either there is a very good reason for this or they are being selfish.
We have no idea which

It's tricky because if they don't move now it will be difficult for your sibling and they would probably need to stay until they have finished Y11. Hopefully they would maybe drop you at the station or pick you up sometimes. It sounds like your commute is doable especially if it is for less than a year; totally understand why you are finding it difficult/ frustrating.