Child care arrangements.

[CoralTurtle]

Hello, looking for some advice and outside opinions please?

Mum is moving area with her partner, so they are closer to her partners work. With this mum wants to move the children’s school to one closer to the new house. (Distance is 45minutes, this is without taking traffic into account, as the whole way there and back builds up with bad traffic). Both parents have PR

Mum and dad have a 50/50 split, Monday-Wednesday, Wednesday-Friday and Friday-Sunday. These alternate over 2 weeks to share the weekdays and weekends and continues to repeat.
With this, the 50/50 split won’t be able to continue for the children. Due to mum and dad both not driving. Taking public transport to get them to school on time isn’t reasonable for either side due to how early the children would have to wake up to get there (8&9years old). So if children moved school dad would not be able to take them to school and back. And if the children stayed at the current school mum would not be able to take them to school and back.

The eldest is going into year 6 in September and will be participating in her SATs. And the youngest receives therapy within school (struggles with dealing with her emotions) Is it a good idea to move them schools?

The school mum wants them to go to has a higher offsted than the school they are at currently.
Both mum and dad are in disputes about the situation, mediation has been tried so far but sadly no progress. Obviously with this, means the 50/50 will end when mum moves house. And now it’s trying to see what’s best for the children for a routine of spending time with both parents.
Any advice please?

What is the distance in miles between the old school and the new? Given that neither parent drives, is that 45 mins on public transport, or walking? By cab?

45 mins by public transport would mean they could leave at 8am and be in school at 8.45. Doesn't sound too bad

Or the children aren't tiny, is there a safe cycle path?

One answer would be both parents learn to drive and each buy a small city car. Less expensive than going to court and battling it out via lawyers.

Are the children aware of the possible move? Do they have a strong opinion on staying or going ?

With it being a higher offer rating, is it a better school? Is it going to be beneficial for the children.

Would mum/dad be willing for dad to have more time in the holidays to make up for less time during the week ?

I’m sure they have considered learning to drive already!

Mum is being incredibly selfish and should prioritise her children over her boyfriend.

The distance is 45 minutes in general (according to Google maps via a car). This doesn’t include traffic though, as traffic build up is really bad going from and to the area so it would definitely take longer especially with work and school traffic. Not sure if mum is planning on driving as of yet. But dad is trying with lessons and is booked in for his test.

Mum doesn’t move. She’d be messing up the existing excellent arrangements.

This. Dick over kids again!

can dad go for main residency and mum has every other weekend?

The children are aware of the move. It’s been very confusing for them and mixed opinions. Both children have been upset at the prospect of having to choose who to be with. As mum said that due to mum and dad not coming to an agreement that they would have to choose (8&9 years old). Mum and dad had a sit down talk for 30 minutes. After dad left that’s when mum said it’s not down to them to choose. Dad didn’t agree to this and said they’d try mediation instead. But mum insisted that the children are choosing either way. Mums been telling them that they can do loads of outside activities and other stuff after school if they pick to day with mum. Dad hasn’t participated in telling the children how things would be with dad. As he feels it will end up being a situation that is if you pick this parent things will be better with this parent scenario, if that makes sense? So it’s hard to get an opinion of how the children feel on it now.

With the school mum wants them to move to, all dad knows is that is has a higher offsted rating, nothing else has been disclosed to dad about the name of the school or anything else. If it means better education and it will benefit them moving school then dad will want what’s best for them on that side of it with better education.

Dad would try to have more time during school holidays but he wouldn’t have many days to book off with work for this. As he doesn’t have many holiday days to book off. And work has certain times of the month when they aren’t allowed to book off due to it being works busiest times. So it will be a bit difficult.

Dad has suggested a routine which is:

During school terms, both children would be with dad during the week. Mum would have them Thursday after school (mum agreed that she would be able to do that), and mum would have them weekends.
During school holidays, it would then flip, mum would have the children during week days and dad would have them weekends.
Bank Holidays and teacher training days would be offered as extended time with mum.
If either parent wish to take the children on holidays they have always agreed on this as it’s always gone into each others days.
special holidays would alternate.
Dad offered if mum needs a child free weekend during school term he’s happy to have the children for it to happen.

Mum has offered to dad weekends only, and if dad wishes for more time during holidays to book days off work. (Mums suggestions changed 3 times and has ended up less time spent with dad each time).

but with Mum having 1 child with her current partner (and another in the way) there is whether or not it would be seen as splitting up siblings, and a judge may prioritise this.
and with the distance not being anything massive, it’s whether a judge would see it as dad can manage contact so it’s ok to move the school. But dad doesn’t want the change of school as such, as the eldest will be going into year 6 and sitting their SATs

Dad is learning to drive currently, and has his test booked in as well. But not sure on mum.
(even with dad driving the traffic is still an issue and dad possibly being late for work).

It’s a shame really. As the children are really settled with the current arrangements.

Sorry there was a type mum said it’s now time for them to choose*
it accidentally auto corrected to not time.

Higher ofsted could mean nothing. In 12 months, 1 child is due to go to secondary- which secondary are they likely to go to in relation to both houses, also they could then start spending 50/50 again, dependingon secondarylocation. The younger child may not get the support they are getting now if they move schools - this is the biggest concern moving school - it could all be removed and then parents have to fight to get support in place, schools are desperately underfunded and have to prioritise who gets support.

It seems a selfish move, if moving only a short distance to be closer to a place of work, different if need to relocate - so an adult gets less travel, but children get more

Thank you, these are factors that haven’t been considered properly by mum. Changing of the schools is a big concern. Mums already drove the children to the area the new house is at. Telling them it will be their new primary school and also showing what will be a secondary school for the other child. Which doesn’t seem right to be doing when mum and dad are in disputes about it. Especially when dad as PR as well and should have a say on these things.
It’s causing a lot of confusion for the children as mum keeps saying things to the children that haven’t even been agreed upon yet. Mum is adamant things are going to go her way and is treating the children in this way, causing confusion. When if it does go to court it will be down to the courts decision.

Yes, it is unfair on the children. As it will ruin what an excellent 50/50 routine they have with both parents.

Why can't the partner move to where mum and dad are living/children go to school now?

Dad can get a specific order (not the right name) to prevent the DC being removed from the current school.

I suggest he does that.

Things could be looked at when they go to secondary school.

This. Poor kids. It must be difficult enough to change bedroom every few days as it is.

Mum should cancel the move. It’s really that simple. If 50:50 doesn’t remain feasible then the move should not happen.

Being a parent means your life is constrained in some ways. This is one of those ways

the only other option is both parents move. Nothing posted justifies that level of change, but in some circumstances it is something the other parent should consider.

This doesn’t sound in the interests of anyone other than Mum’s new partner and certainly not in the best interest of the children.

The parents should not be asking the children to decide.
Awful parenting.

Obviously, if the dc are settled, then the parent who chooses to move away either finds a way to make it work so they can get the children to school, or they have to lose the pattern of shared parenting where they have the dc an equal number of school days.
There is no possible argument for taking them away from their school or the other parent.

If one parent moves, it is up to them to facilitate how the remaining parent sees them.

All we know is that they are moving to be closer to her partners work. So he doesn’t have to set off as early in a morning to get to work, and so he is back from work quicker. (Possibly also to be closer to his family and friends as they are close by to his work too).

Yes that is a good idea, thank you.

Hopefully when they are both in secondary school it could be a school inbetween both parents so 50/50 could return. As it’s a shame a good 50/50 routine will have to come to an end

Dad made sure to move as close as possible to where their children live and go to school. It was really hard and took a long time to find a house so close. As a lot of people are struggling for homes, dad was really lucky to get the house he’s in now that’s close by to them.

Completely agree, it’s not fair on the children. I don’t feel mum has thought about it proper. Mum said to dad that the only big change would be the school. She didn’t even think about how the children would be seeing their dad less, leaving their friends, seeing family less. The whole thing in general is a big change. Mums tried to use the argument that the youngest struggles with big changes and would be best off being with mum…but if that was so then why would she do all of this?

The children are very settled within the current 50/50 routine, they are happy and are use to it. Both children have been upset about the move, that one was wishing for the mortgage to not go through. As they don’t want things to change and want things to stay as they are

Exactly, dad has told mum to stop trying to make them decide but she won’t stop. It’s confusing the children, mum keeps saying that dads lying and that they’re old enough to decide (8&9) but dad is following legal advice and laws that they are not old enough to decide who to live with, especially in a courts eyes.

Both children are settled and happy within their school and the current routine they have. I understand mum is moving but it shouldn’t mean the children have to too, just to be close to her. When they can carry on in their school and stay with dad to minimise the amount of changes and still see mum as much as possible. As mum moving breaks the 50/50 they have