If you've finished schooling for your children, would you do anything differently now?

[AlpineMuesli]

Just curious what advice hindsight offers.

It what respect? That's a very vague question.

It's just an open question. Everyone makes choices throughout schooling.

But what types of choices? Are you referring to their education, what job you had during that time, where you lived??? You're referring to a 15+ year period.

We sent DS to private school at 11 and he did exceptionally well and made a life long group of friends. If we had had the money - which we didn’t, I started working the year before - we would have sent him earlier. DD went to grammar school and did very well and we paid for her MA at the ‘other end’.

I would never send mine to a grammar, even though they did academically very well. They are uni now and comment how much they hated it!! We did know at the time, and moved them to more relaxed sixth forms

@AlpineMuesli my two are 20 and 17 now. They both went to state primary and secondary, then a selective grammar school for sixth form. My only regret is that I didn't do more proof-reading of their work in key stage 3 and 4, particularly for DS2. When I was at school, every spelling, punctuation or grammar error was red-penned by the teacher, especially in English, but sometimes in other subjects too. These days kids are lucky to have their work marked at all and, if they do, the teachers seem to give minimal SPAG feedback. If working online they do get 'feedback' from spell-checkers, which helps, but that's no good for hand-written work. I think I could have helped to compensate by dipping my nose into their books a bit more. But whether they would have let me or not is another matter! 😁

They're both doing very well though, so it's not a biggy.

Taken my kid out of school the minute she showed signs of anxiety. I stupidly tried to work with the school and ended up moving her but now her anxiety is entrenched and much harder to get on top of. I wish had never trusted the school and just homeschooled her

One of mine has finished statutory education. If I could rewind and do it again, I’d home educate right through.

I wouldn't have listened to teachers who said everything was fine.
I therefore would have ended up with diagnoses and extra assistance for them both earlier.

I'm just glad they're done and had a mainly positive experience. I feel sorry for kids (and school staff) now, schools are on their knees with behaviour, staffing and Ofsted pressure.

Kept a better eye on social media. But educated in the state system and don't regret that at all - both did as well academically as their privately educated peers.

I chose not to engage with the grammar system for my own dc, based on my own experiences (I was very successful but it just wasn’t a healthy environment).

I think giving my own dc lots of opportunities to explore their interests has opened up so many doors for them. Drama especially has given them many fantastic skills to draw on and a real innate confidence.

I would have tried for private education at secondary. I didn't know about low-income bursaries and now I realise they may well have qualified for our local independents. One needed more structure and the other would have benefitted massively from the sporting opportunities.

I haven't quite finished yet. Dd is in her first year of uni and ds is about to move schools for 6th form. I'm a teacher, and so was dh until 2 years ago.

If I could have my time again, I'd get both my dc to apply to grammar school (30 mins away). Ds has a place at the boys' one for next year. At the time, the local comprehensive 5 mins away) seemed pretty good, and dh worked there. It has gone seriously downhill over the past few years though, and although my dc will both have done very well, theor experience of school has not been what I would have wished (and not as good as I had).

That's interesting, @21andon - exactly the opposite of my experience. The grammar school I went to was great, and I now teach at the girls' grammar that my dd could have gone to. It's lovely and I really wish we'd sent her there.

I'd have tried to be more confident about visiting senior schools - both ours ended up boarding, but I didn't visit a school I thought about for the eldest (left it too long and missed the boat), and didn't prep the younger one enough for considering boarding, when he was barely 10 and not ready to engage with planning ahead for 13+. I remember being floored by a list of "top name" schools being rattled off at our first discussion at his prep, with the suggestion to go and visit them; ultimately he did end up at one of them but the route there could have been easier! I didn't have the confidence to go and look around several famous schools before trying to choose!

I would also have investigated a local school's co-ed 6th form properly so we could have made a more informed choice about not moving the eldest. She had a decent 6th form experience (as far as anyone covid-affected did), and got excellent results, but might have gained more friends and self-confidence elsewhere in the end, perhaps.

Sent DS1 to a forest school, listened to my gut and not all the teachers who said he wasn't dyslexic! (finally diagnosed at 16)

I haven't finished schooling but the best decision we made was to home educate for a few years after COVID. It did help that I had a teaching qualification and there are so many resources/social meet ups out there now. They got the basics tailored to their needs and easily worked a year ahead of their peers with lots of time for swimming, building forts, raising lambs, making a weather station, writing a book of phonic kingdoms, collecting sea glass, baking bread over bonfires and just being kids within a big home ed family where everyone was a bit different and everyone was accepted. I'm thankful I got to spend those years with them and got to parent them in a way I wouldn't have of we'd just done the school run. I got to see the moments where there was a big leap forward in mathematical understanding, go from sounding letters to realising that they could read picturesque because we learned the word mosque the week before. The whole family got involved in every project, whether it was gruesomely watching cress seeds grow long and sickly in the dark or making spore prints or different types of rock using icing or digging out a meandering river on sand and eroding it until we'd made an ox bow lake. It was at a time they discovered that they liked learning and were good at it, despite the blood, sweat toil and tears of working through additional needs. I would have missed so much if they'd been in school and while home ed isn't right for everyone, it was right for our children at that time. They are confident, engaged and open minded, having chosen to go back to school to have that experience too. The oldest one got into a very selective grammar so we did our job well. You can learn so much faster with just one child in the class. I'm glad I got to know them so well and be part of that community with them.

Saved my pennies and moved to the catchment of the outstanding school.
Even though I don't agree with that sort of thing.

Thanks for the replies, across lots of different factors. Really interesting and helpful for things to pay attention to.

I would have helped them more. I sort of thought education was the school’s job and only realised belatedly that the parents have to fill the gaps.

Ds1 is just finishing college and is planning on a gap year, then university. No regrets. He went to the nearest primary school (not the catchment, but it was a bit closer to us than the catchment school), the catchment secondary and then on to sixth form college where he is on track to get a distinction in his btec.

my 2 are both at uni now, and I wish we'd looked closer at our local European school. DC has a close friend who went there and is bilingual now, and has a pretty good knowledge of a 3rd language too.

Would have sent dd1 private as she struggled with noisy classes, dd2 won a 80% scholarship and went private anyway

First thing is I would have kept my DC away from smart phones / iPads and gaming until they were much older and would have restricted screen time much much more than I ever did.

I'd have made reading every night a basic non negotiable requirement. Once we stopped reading them a bedtime story they switched off from reading for pleasure. Reading is so important.

I would have delayed DD starting school by a year as she is a July born and we later found out she has slow processing. She's always seemed so behind.

I'd have sent DD to a less academically pushy primary school. Her primary was basically a grammar school factory. Kids like DD were left to flounder and made to feel "thick" by the other kids.

I'd have insisted DS chose the grammar school I wanted him to go to instead of the one he wanted to go to. He actually preferred the one I wanted but all his friends were going to the other so he changed his mind. I know he would have done better if he'd stuck with the school we liked better.

I'd have sent DD to private school from Y7. It probably made no difference due to Covid lockdowns during y 7 and 8 but once I transferred her to private for start of Y9 the difference in her and the support she got was amazing.

I'd have made DS change to a non grammar sixth form instead of staying on at ten grammar. The local comp's sixth form seems to get better A level results and treats the students like adults. DS still having to wear school uniform and being given detentions for very minor infringements and is almost 19! He's so over it now.

DD's last day of school at the end of this week and DS finished sixth form two weeks ago to start study leave so I'll no longer have any at school. Feels weird. DD will hopefully start college from September.