WHICH IS BETTER? - Private primary school vs private secondary school.

[Asher09]

DH and I are going back and forth about what schools to send our DD to and are considering some private options too.
We could only afford one or the other and neither of us have had any exposure so we don't know which would be more beneficial - if any.

Our options are -

1. Send DD to a private primary school, which might set her up better for a grammer school or a good public school?
   (They're often cheaper? People say the younger years are most crucial?)

2. Send DD to a public primary school and invest in tuition and loads of extra curricula activites and then see if she gets into a grammar school or private secondary?
   (Secondary schools are usually listed on a CV, DD will get more support from the school as she grows up? Lifelong friends etc? )

Anyone on here studied at private school or send their kids? ...What did you choose and why?

Anyone sent their kids to public schools? Please share some tips on how you helped excel your child in confidence and education.

Also -

• My husband and I are not rich, spoilt or entitled - we are working class but have decent jobs and have saved. We also have to make loads of cut backs.

• By sending DD to private we will not have a 'hands off' approach as parents, we assume you pay for your child to get that level of education catered to their needs.

• We do not believe that kids who go to private schools are better than those who go to public schools - its purely education related.

• I understand this is a 'privileged problem' to have given current climate and we are so thankful to even have this conversation but education does mean to a lot to us.

When you say public school, do you mean state school? A public school is a top private boarding school? Im assuming you mean state for my reply. Most people i know who are doing either primary or secondary in private rather than both chose secondary. Most say their child was noted to be a bit behind where the private is especially around things like grammar. This gets worked on for a few months and then all is fine. I suppose secondary is where they do exams so makes sense to want extra support but like you say of you went to a good private primary that laid good foundations maybe that would be enough. People will only have experience of one or the other though.

We are in an area with great primary schools but poor secondaries so we Sent DD state primary and used those years to save up for private secondary. At the moment we don't know if she will stay private for 6th form or go state, that will be up to her.
We did spend some £ on extra curricular activities throughout primary and then start of Yr 6 got a tutor for maths ready to sit the entrance exam.
This has worked well for DD but very much depends on the quality of primary and secondary schools around you.

Also: you do not have to justify any decisions that you make. Just because MN is anti-private schools doesn't mean the rest of the world is. Outside of MN no-one cares where your DC went to school.

What are the schools like where you live? What is your child like? If you are in an area (say Kent) where c. 25% of secondary school children are in grammars, your decision may be different to a county where only c. 1-3% have access to grammar schools.

DH and I were privately educated, and agonised about this decision - but we have four children and knew that private fees, particularly at secondary, were prohibitive. (Also, both sets of parents advised against paying fees unless it could be done easily - it's a huge stress).

In the end, all of our children have done state primary and grammar schools - it has been the right decision for them, and they have got excellent grades and the oldest two are at great unis. We have spent a lot of money on extra curricular activities and tutoring to ensure that they are not (as) culturally or otherwise 'disadvantaged' against their privately educated peers - eg paying for riding, tennis, skiing, music, fencing, trips to galleries and museums etc - but are lucky that their schools have a fabulous array of clubs and activities, including outstanding music, art and drama departments, and we haven't touched the sides of what private education x 4 would have cost.

You may also need to consider what happens to fees if Labour get in - given they will immediately apply VAT - and the shortage of teachers. Given the problems in schools with funding and teacher availability - perhaps private schools will have their pick - of the good and the bad....

Also: you do not have to justify any decisions that you make. Just because MN is anti-private schools doesn't mean the rest of the world is. Outside of MN no-one cares where your DC went to school.

Absolutely this - and DS1 (who is at Cambridge) - says no-one talks or cares about what school you went once you are there either......

It is usual to do state primary and independent secondary.

Yes - you firstly need (or at least, might prefer!) to get your terminology right.

Public School - traditional, long established fee paying (independent) school.

There are hundreds of fee paying schools that would not be known as Public Schools (lacking the wealth or cachet - for good or ill).

Grammar schools and comprehensive schools are state secondary schools. As are any primary schools that are not fee paying.

I think you need to do some research! Read about two dozen independent school websites to get a better idea of what they offer, individually and in general. The decisions you make about primary and secondary will depend on your child’s needs, your access to schools that would meet those needs, your ability to pay, your values and preferences. You do need to be aware that independent secondary school fees are considerably higher than primary school fees - so effectively the decision may be made for you. Unless you successfully apply for a bursary (a reduction in fees).

My siblings and I all went to state primary then independent secondary and most of us have done the same for our childrem (one of us has had more children than they can afford to pay schoolfees for which is obviously a valid choice).

I think it works well but if I had my time again I would work towards getting DC a place at an all-throigh school from year 5 as I think year 5 and 6 at a state primary focusing on SATs can be very dull for a bright child.

The early years of primary are done very well in the state sector. The advantages of independent primary are nice but not vital and can easily be supplied by an engaged family.

The MN norm is state primary and private secondary. We have chosen the opposite for reasons you mentioned - the younger years are absolutely critical and I did not want DC to be in a classroom where behaviour management took up most of the teacher's time. I wanted them to be in an environment where learning took priority, they would be stretched and have specialist teaching in a range of areas to discover their interests. You can supplement primary education with tutors and activities but be under no illusion of the extent of time that would be needed to come close to the private sector - it would make it very difficult for one parent to work.

However, you also do need to look at your local area. We are close to partially selective secondaries where facilities and standards are well above national average and have moved to (very likely) get a catchment place in one. If our options were limited to poor comprehensives who had problems with gangs, violence and behaviour, we likely would have chosen differently.

We did prep privately so I could work as the day was longer. One child went to an outstanding state school at 11 the other went on to board later at a single sex school (not a success). She then went to a state six form. She is on a long road to being a doctor.
Both are successful young adults.
Would I do it again? Yes as they both learnt to learn in small classes with respect for their teachers. The also had quite a traditional curriculum with music, art and history. One is a great artist the other loves history. Neither as a career just for the love of it.
We didn't do secondary as we wanted a mix of people in our rural location.
Good luck with your choice.

Wraparound also factored in our decision. There is an excellent state primary near us where I would have been delighted to send my children only they have no wraparound options and I did not want to give up work. The ones with wraparound care do not have such high standards

As I am pregnant, I have thought much about this.

From our jobs / consulting, we rarely recommend private unless specific circumstances are met.

Grammar schools often score far better and achieve more than most top independents (look at the difference between Habs and HBS for example) plus there is a drive to employ / recruit from non-private for levelling up.

I would say: private primary IF locals aren’t great and what I mean here is more around class sizes. We have a local outstanding primary which is oversubscribed, one class has 35 students which isn’t even legal but it just happens due to underfunding. If your local primary is decent and good sized classes then I’d stick with it. I would tutor (even privates need tutoring for 11+) for the grammars. I would then send to a grammar as priority.

I would keep money aside for tutoring at secondary too. It happens to the best of them but they’d benefit more from 1:1, a strong grammar and good life experiences (holidays, days out)

In Wales our primary was small so we were happy with them. We didn't have a grammar school so opted for private 250 pupils. All three children did well. It was very outward bound which suited our boys. Gave them confidence and independence which served them well when they worked abroad for years. Only one of them was academic but the extra attention meant the other two did better with smaller classes

DD1 started in private as she was shy and quiet, and we didn’t think she would cope in a class of 30. Due to a house move, she moved to state primary for 3 years. It worked well as the school is wonderful - but our fears about her coping were confirmed as she’s now on the SEN register and the loud classroom as a particular trigger.

For secondary we hunted for the state secondaries that she’d be able to cope at. And were promptly offered none of them. Instead she was allocated to a failing school, with the only other option being the one that had to close this year as the kids literally rioted.

Happily we’d been watching the numbers and possible outcomes for the state lottery - and we ran the private admissions in parallel. So she’s now off to a private secondary. I’d prefer not to h e to pay, but it is what it is.

In summary - it all depends on what your child is like, what your local schools are like, and your chances of getting in at any point.

Oh sorry, my terminology might have been wrong and confusing.

What I meant is....
Public school = State school (govt funded, all attend free of cost)
Private school = Independent schools (not funded or controlled by the central government, fees apply)

It’s dependant on your local schools, our village primary was fantastic (at the time, its not so good now) but the secondary schools were middling at best, so we went private for secondary.
It costs a fortune, we are also not wealthy, but we see it as an investment in our children.
The long days/long holidays suit us better too - 3pm finish is the middle of our working day!

So DD is very bright and very confident. Super social and has a lot of energy. Academicily we think she has some really good potential and is quite emotionally aware. The thing is, she is our first, so we have nothing to compare her to, this may just be the case for every child at her stage. Nonetheless, its why we're in 2 minds about where to send her. She would thrive in Private Primary but could also do really well in State Primary, because I think she has that personality. I do worry about the exposure and influence, just dont know where it matters most - younger years or teenage years!

I think this entirely depends on what your local options are.

We had village primary schools which were were excellent. Would be silly to pay for private first 2 years whilst all they do is play.....

I think most value is at secondary. Will your DD board or are you thinking day? What are the private schools near you like? Bear in mind many boarding schools start at year 9 so if you go state for primary what will you do for the middle 3 years?

Given Labour will probably get in you need to plan for rises in fees (that already rise a lot each year).

Of course a lot of this depends upon the schools in your area - are the primaries good? Over subscribed? Schools do change but look at the secondaries where you are because when the time comes it's important to get a place just in case.

As you seem to be at the very start of your research, an important thing to get clear now is this: Do you live in an area that has grammar schools?

They are not available in all parts of the UK.

Area wise -

We have 2 private primary schools within a 10 minute drive and 2 state primary schools walking distance.

We have many private secondary schools about 40 minute drive and 3 good state secondary schools walking distance (one of which used to be grammar). We're 25 minutes drive from 3 grammar schools.

We live in a good area and our move was calculated. I think I need to attend some open days for all the schools. Just feeling so much pressure as its one of those things you cant really sit on (waitlists/entrance assessments/falling within catchment area)

Our DC went to the local village primary school then moved to a private school when they reached secondary school age.They were not disadvantaged in any way having been in a state primary school.
They were in the top sets for English and maths with no extra tuition .

Also: you do not have to justify any decisions that you make. Just because MN is anti-private schools doesn't mean the rest of the world is. Outside of MN no-one cares where your DC went to school.
Agree with this.We've got friends with a range of schooling experiences and it never comes up unless we're specifically asking about personal experiences.

Parents can only do the best they can for their children and their circumstances.

Secondary schools in my area tend to go up and down quite a lot, unless you're able to afford the extortionate house prices for the top ones. If I had the funds then keeping savings for potential secondary education would be my preference, unless the primary option was poor.

DH went to one of the best public schools in the country and I went to a dire comprehensive. We met working in the same dept as junior staff many years ago.

Children need supportive parents and a decent peer group, this can be found in state or public. Just as a bad peer group can be found in state or public.

We both worked in academia, our students arrived having chosen to study so were in the main motivated and had a love for the subject and were most definitely bright.

We chose to not privately educate because we were confident they would do well anywhere, plus let’s be honest we could tutor them.

You can buy small class sizes but ultimately we all have a level of raw intelligence that you can do your best to hone in to something tangible such as exam results.

Just be aware that a substantial financial outlay will not guarantee results.

Secondary is more worth the investment if you want to make it. At primary age, parents have a bigger impact on kids than the school, but school and peers get more important at secondary. We couldn't afford either and I didn't want to go private anyway, but if I'd had the money and hadn't had good state secondaries nearby I would have prioritised putting the money into secondary.