Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Original poster

Is there stigma towards scholarship kids

42 replies

workingclassgirl · 21/02/2024 21:43

Just wondering what it's like at your old school or your children's school if it's independent. Is it obvious which kids are there on scholarship or bursary and do other kids make fun of them? And what about from the parents side, do they treat or see the scholarship kids' parents differently?

OP posts:
Worriedmotheroftwo · 21/02/2024 21:49

I teach in an independent school and my sons go to private school too. And absolutely NOT - no stigma whatsoever. Nobody even knows who has the bursaries. Scholarships are very well known, and are hugely sought after and seen as an elite achievement.

My sons get a whopping staff fee discount by the way, and nobody cares about that either.

Bridgetoo · 21/02/2024 22:03

Scholarships are competitive and seen as a big achievement - but even with one you'd only get a small amount off the fees, like 10% these days.

Bursary amounts are at the school's discretion and it's usually not widely known who's got them. Certainly not seen as a big thing by the kids because unless you're at a premier league posho school most independent schools have kids from a variety of backgrounds.

New2024 · 21/02/2024 22:05

Scholarship means you are very bright - so unless worried by being a nerd - no stigma.

Bursary means help with finances - other pupils won’t know

Windymillering · 21/02/2024 22:09

No one knows nor cares about bursaries and the kids don’t get in anyway treated differently. I happen to know of a few amongst my kids friends purely as the parents have told me in chatting.
Two of them were families who had massive change in circs so school gave bursaries to enable the kids to stay at the school, one was almost a full bursary from the start purely as the family applied. The school my kids went to has a relatively high level of bursary provision. Kids don’t stand out nor discuss it. Just irrelevant to them.

Scholarships are considered an honour when first given but then get forgotten in truth. Certainty aren’t discussed or mentioned.

two of my kids got them. One for 15% and one for in two areas that totalled 40%. The other kid didn’t get one at all. Their school experience was identical in how they were treated.

justasmalltownmum · 21/02/2024 22:20

You wouldn't even know.

Labraradabrador · 21/02/2024 22:25

Not obvious at all unless disclosed, and definitely no stigma. There is a very wide range of economic situations amongst full fee paying families anyways - some wear their wealth on there sleeve, many others have outwardly facing very modest lifestyles (small homes, old/economical cars, no/rare holidays abroad). Most parents shop second hand uniform sales regardless of lifestyle.

Chanxex · 21/02/2024 22:31

Scholarships are awarded on merit in our school. The kids know who has them as they have a scholarship tie and there are scholar events such as music scholars evenings etc. DD has 10% music scholarship

Original poster
workingclassgirl · 21/02/2024 22:38

Thank you all for your replies. It's really good to know.

OP posts:
Worriedmotheroftwo · 21/02/2024 23:42

Most parents shop second hand uniform sales regardless of lifestyle

Yes! It's almost seen as a badge of honour to get the uniform second hand.

twistyizzy · 22/02/2024 09:30

Scholarships are only awarded to DC who show excellence in that area eg music/art/sport etc so definitely a badge of honour.
No-one knows who is on a bursary and kiss don't care about that anyway.
Saying that though Dds private school is in the NE and serves a rural intake so no oligarchs/ridiculously wealthy parents anyway.

32softfeet · 22/02/2024 16:05

I knew all the kids who were on fee assistance when I was at secondary school, it was very obvious from the parents' lifestyle. I would say probably not an issue when kids are younger but very well known to teens. Having said that I don't think schools offer anything like the fee support available when I was at school, so you probably have to be more wealthy to be attending anyway, in which case the difference may not be as obvious now.

SerialLurker997 · 22/02/2024 16:10

Honestly, in my schools, all based in London, scholarship or bursary or full fee payer…nobody cared. I went to a wedding recently of a school friend whose dad was some insanely rich finance mogul, multimillion pound estate in Cheshire, and his best man was another guy in our year who was unashamed of being at our very expensive public school on a full bursary and lived on a council estate in Lambeth. He’s now a plastic surgeon having gone to Oxford. They’re very close friends to this day.

sprigatito · 22/02/2024 16:15

My experience was that the scholarship itself didn't come with a stigma, but the fact that I needed it to attend - ie was poor - was a problem. So I didn't get the piss ripped out of me for having a scholarship, but I certainly did for having cheap clothes/not being able to afford school ski trips/not having the money to go out for a meal at weekends etc.

Thecurtainsarewonky · 22/02/2024 19:04

Scholarships and bursaries are awarded for entirely different reasons……scholarships are for talent and bursaries are because you couldn’t afford to go otherwise- the same might apply to a scholarship student, but that’s not why the got the scholarship.
i went to school in the 80s on a full assisted place. I was acutely aware of being poor, but I wasn’t aware of any stigma attached to it. My best friends family were millionaires (when this was really uncommon)- she is still one of my best friends. In DCs school I have no idea who has a bursary. DD has a scholarship through merit (we can comfortably afford the fees) and the only thing attached to it (aside from money off) is that she continues to be brilliant in the field of her scholarship.

Original poster
workingclassgirl · 22/02/2024 23:24

sprigatito · 22/02/2024 16:15

My experience was that the scholarship itself didn't come with a stigma, but the fact that I needed it to attend - ie was poor - was a problem. So I didn't get the piss ripped out of me for having a scholarship, but I certainly did for having cheap clothes/not being able to afford school ski trips/not having the money to go out for a meal at weekends etc.

Did you ever feel like you wished you'd just gone to a local state school where everyone around you would have been in a similar situation as you? Did you feel like you didn't belong?

OP posts:
Original poster
workingclassgirl · 22/02/2024 23:25

SerialLurker997 · 22/02/2024 16:10

Honestly, in my schools, all based in London, scholarship or bursary or full fee payer…nobody cared. I went to a wedding recently of a school friend whose dad was some insanely rich finance mogul, multimillion pound estate in Cheshire, and his best man was another guy in our year who was unashamed of being at our very expensive public school on a full bursary and lived on a council estate in Lambeth. He’s now a plastic surgeon having gone to Oxford. They’re very close friends to this day.

Edited

I love this!

OP posts:
Original poster
workingclassgirl · 22/02/2024 23:34

Thecurtainsarewonky · 22/02/2024 19:04

Scholarships and bursaries are awarded for entirely different reasons……scholarships are for talent and bursaries are because you couldn’t afford to go otherwise- the same might apply to a scholarship student, but that’s not why the got the scholarship.
i went to school in the 80s on a full assisted place. I was acutely aware of being poor, but I wasn’t aware of any stigma attached to it. My best friends family were millionaires (when this was really uncommon)- she is still one of my best friends. In DCs school I have no idea who has a bursary. DD has a scholarship through merit (we can comfortably afford the fees) and the only thing attached to it (aside from money off) is that she continues to be brilliant in the field of her scholarship.

Why were you "acutely" aware of your financial position if there was no obvious stigma attached to being less well off? Was it from comparing yourself to others maybe or the not being able to go on expensive school trips for example? Was there a big-ish group that stayed behind or really just a few that it who would then stick out? As you can probably guess, I worry about the impact of not fitting in and how that might potentially damage dc's self esteem.

OP posts:
Thecurtainsarewonky · 24/02/2024 10:25

@workingclassgirl as I said, my best friend was from a very wealthy family- horses, tennis court, swimming pool, lake, land…..I was from a single parent family. We had no holidays and rarely had new clothes. My 16th birthday present cost £15 (and I loved it) About 1/3 of my year were on assisted places, so there was a range of incomes. In terms of school trips, lots of people didn’t go, so that wasn’t an issue.
There is evidence showing that poor children who go to independent schools do financially better in life than their non independent education peers.

Original poster
workingclassgirl · 24/02/2024 15:35

Thecurtainsarewonky · 24/02/2024 10:25

@workingclassgirl as I said, my best friend was from a very wealthy family- horses, tennis court, swimming pool, lake, land…..I was from a single parent family. We had no holidays and rarely had new clothes. My 16th birthday present cost £15 (and I loved it) About 1/3 of my year were on assisted places, so there was a range of incomes. In terms of school trips, lots of people didn’t go, so that wasn’t an issue.
There is evidence showing that poor children who go to independent schools do financially better in life than their non independent education peers.

Thank you for the reassurance. I do believe going to an independent school contributes to improving your chances in life that's why we are looking at this for the dc. And thanks to everyone for giving their thoughts which I have found encouraging.

OP posts:
bombastix · 24/02/2024 16:11

No one cares. The people who claim it matters are inadequate

theduchessofspork · 24/02/2024 16:14

Not at all. You wouldn’t know and if you did it wouldn’t matter - lots of people are v open about having beg and borrow for fees

Another76543 · 24/02/2024 16:21

Scholarships are awarded on merit for excelling in a particular area (academic/music/sport/art etc). They are very competitive, the kids love to have them, but many schools don’t offer any fee reduction for them any more.

Bursaries are means tested. It’s not unusual for around 20% of a school to be on some kind of bursary and no one would have a clue who they are, unless the children tell their friends. The kids really don’t care. It’s the same as those who are having their fees paid for by someone other than their parents. No one would know.

It’s very common for parents to buy from the second hand uniform shop (including the wealthy ones). Not all children go on all school trips either (for a variety of reasons). School trips have increased in cost significantly over recent years so many families are often thinking twice about signing their children up for everything.

LadeOde · 24/02/2024 16:27

At my ds's schools no one cared and parents had no idea who was on bursary. Scholarship was quite a different matter one of my dc got a scholarship and it did tons for his self-confidence not to mention the looks of awe from his mates. I'd say scholarship kids get a bit of 'flex' out of it but they have to meet the terms of the scholarship which can be quite demanding so think VERY carefully before going for a scholarship.

IamaRevenant · 24/02/2024 16:30

Hmm I had a terrible experience as the scholarship kid at a posh international school but I think that was due to a mix of factors - a) the 'queen bee' wanted the scholarship (purely as a prestige thing as her family was loaded) so had it in for me from day one, b) the other kids were really very well off and we were really really not - it's pretty noticeable when your dad is picking you up in his battered old transit and other people are being collected by drivers in BMWs etc, and c) I was pretty socially awkward anyway.

I think if I was a different, more confident kid (and maybe if the bitchy queen bee wasn't part of the equation...) it would have been absolutely fine!

Blakessevenrideagain · 24/02/2024 16:37

My kids all had scholarships/ bursary combined. It was fairly obvious as we drove old bangers, live in council housing, and low paid jobs. The kids in their classes didn't care, parents very accepting. It was the parents in the state school they left who were shitty. One asked my then 7-year-old if he 'thought he was better than everyone else' .
Snobbery was far worse in the state junior. Until DD got her place, she was ignored by a certain set of parents. She then got lots of playdate invitations when they knew where she was going for yr7. She didn't accept.