Homework

[Abc43]

My 2 DDs (year 1 and year 4) go to a small independent school. They are happy but the amount of homework is ruining all our time at home. I work full time and pick them up at 6pm every day, we get home 6.20, eat till 7 and then homework bring us to 7.30, bath and sleep. The issue is they are so tired that homework is very very hard and many evenings it is just a fight. The year 4 has every other day 2 pages either math or English and 2 pages of Atom, plus 15 spelling words for Friday, piano and a poem to learn for speech and drama. the year 1 has 20 words to learn for Friday and a level 5 booklet to read. It is probably 30 mins to do both but they are the worst 30 min of my day. Instead of eating and chatting, be relaxed, read a book together, I need to keep on pushing them to do these homework. We try to do as much as possible over the weekend (piano, speech and drama, spelling) but since many days we cannot finish the weekly homework we have these plus additional weekend homework. The year 4 will have at least 45 mins between math and English and 2 atoms. They year 1 has 4 pages of exercises linked with the 20 spelling words (which I need to do a bit Saturday and Sunday or it is too much in one go), 2 pages of English, 5-10 pages of math plus booklet to read. I am finding to cancel many of our social activities on Sundays as I need the day to get them to do homework.
i M exhausted and they are too.
I spoke with the school but they say many parents actually asked for more homework (they pick up their kid at 4.30-5 so they have more time in the evening plus just one kids, while I have two) so they are pushed to actually increase the quantity.
I m thinking to change school and I went to visit a few other independent schools in the area, they all say they give a few homework but not too much, but the school I had chosen said the same.
AIBU and this is the normal amount of homework independent schools give?
do kids have 30 mins a day plus a few hours during the weekend plus musical instruments, timetables and reading?

@EvelynBeatrice , well, there are two focuses:

One is to tackle how to complete the homework without exhausting everyone

One is to not think this amount of homework is alright for children of young age...

A few posters including me are in the second camp...

It's not necessary and it might be detrimental in the long term. Good state schools can do a brilliant job. You just need to do the research. (Again, this is my view)

This

@gettingthereonemistakeatatime oh dear, did I touch a nerve? You’re the one who seems to want to turn this into a state vs private debate. Anytime private school gets mentioned it becomes a bit of a red herring for posters such as yourself.

I’m simply trying to push back on posters who link issues with homework to the fact op’s children are in an indie. As you yourself point out, children in both state and private sometimes have long and busy days, and figuring out how to balance homework is not unique. ‘Switch to state’ is such a lazy bit of advice but nonetheless is regurgitated for any post where op is less than thrilled with their private school. Imagine the reception if on every post complaining about state school educational standards, lack of support for working parents, behaviour issues, lack of teacher retention (to name a few common themes) I gave the advice ‘switch to private’?

You started the debate. Telling everyone how you have moved your children from state to private and going on about how wonderful it is picking up your happy but 'tired children' at 4.30-5pm. Completely irrelevant to OPs situation as she can't pick them up until 6pm. You added nothing to this thread other than to let everyone know you send your children to a private school. OP did not need you to validate her current situation as she wants to change it.
You then called someone Snarky because they said sending children to after school clubs makes it a long day. This entire thread is about OP and her tired children having a long day and no time to do homework.
'Switch to state' is not a lazy bit of advice it is simply a valid option if OP wants a school that gives out less homework. OP made it clear that homework has to be done - it is a core value of hers that if it is given it is completed. She even said she would rather not have the homework. So several people have suggested she goes state for this reason alone.
This is OPs thread not yours. So let her respond if she wants to and don't feel you need to jump in on her behalf! In the meantime I will continue to respond and challenge views and opinions that I know are not true of schools in the area where I live.

@gettingthereonemistakeatatime oh Lordy, not sure how to unpick all of that. Sounds like you are having a difficult day. Take a deep breath or two.

Ah yes, I can type 70+ words per minute. I'll try and go slower for you in future. Toodle-loo!

what a valuable contribution to the discussion @gettingthereonemistakeatatime

in all seriousness (and returning to topic), our indie gives less homework than the state school we attended previously - so let’s put to bed the lazy stereotype of private school = hothouse environment. Homework really isn’t a private vs state issue - each school (and within that each teacher) will have a different philosophy towards homework, and some publish homework policies that you can reference if this is the main criteria you want to use when selecting a school.

as a parent you are entitled to take your own stance regarding homework regardless of the policy at your school. Ultimately dc will be expected to do homework independently though, so I guess the question is when and how do you transition from homework = optional to homework = a key responsibility.

Again, this is not your thread, it is not a thread about your children. Yet again you are jumping in. It is advice for OP. It is for OP to look at the independent and state options and decide. Your situation is not her situation.
This really is the last response from me. Hijack away.

Can they not do some homework at school? DS's private has prep sessions and day pupils often stay to do it while waiting for parents to finish work. As an aside I think there is a fair amount of research now that homework doesn't do much other than consolidate learning - so if the teachers are good your DC would probably be fine not completing the odd piece if they don't get punishments. A few parents I know have simply spoken to the school and said their DC won't be doing certain things because they are struggling which seem to have been listened to well. I do agree state schools seem to have less leniency on this.

oh go on, bet you can’t resist one more @gettingthereonemistakeatatime

clearly I have gotten under your skin, though that was not my intention. I have shared my own personal experiences, and tried to provide constructive advice on that basis no different than any other poster. if you disagree, feel free to engage in the substance of the discussion, but the personal attacks don’t really add anything.

@tweedlledum have had similar experience - when my dd was asked to do extra handwriting practice at home, teachers were very receptive to taking a step back and doing less of other homework. I know others in class opt out of homework on some nights because of other commitments. I think it is worth a discussion with teacher around what to prioritise, but also probably requires some commitment and consistency at home to whatever you decide is appropriate.

I used to be very anti homework, but have found it makes a massive difference for my two in how confident they are about their learning. To your point around consolidation, the extra practice helps new learning ‘gel’. It shouldn’t be seen as a substitute for in class learning, and in theory shouldn’t need a great deal of support from the parent. For some children it might be totally pointless, as they don’t need more practice / are fully confident in their learning.

My children thankfully have a nice balance where they love school but also want to spend time with me. There’s loads of extra curriculars at state schools, including homework club at lunch time!
I’d be really upset if my kids would rather be at school, family time is really important and yes I value and prioritise family time over homework but then I’m not one to be pushing a 5 year old into oxbridge 🤷‍♀️

you sound very defensive, maybe you’re not as happy with your school as you’re trying to make out. You berate someone for personal attacks yet call me snarky for pointing out that 12+ hour days is a long day.

@Chichimcgee fortunately I am a mature adult whose emotional wellbeing doesn’t depend on my children preferring to hang out with me when they could be trying out something new and exciting with their friends instead. Somehow I have managed to build a loving relationship despite this seeming rejection, and try to make the best of the approximately 200 days/year when they are NOT in school. Hopefully they won’t abandon me when I grow old, but at least their oxbridge salaries should fund a pretty decent care home.

not emotionally mature to be able to understand that children liking to spend time with their parents doesn’t mean the parents wellbeing depends on them. I think it’s pretty normal for families to want to spend regular time together.
Since you seem to dish it out but can’t accept a reply I too will leave you to hijack the thread and continue to unnecessarily tell everyone how your indie is great and working 24/7 at 5 years old is great and everything is great….

My son did practically no homework during primary school. Not one single worksheet of spelling or maths. They had a set of activities to choose from once a fortnight, and he always chose the " do a 4-line poem about"....the topic of the fortnight.

He is in Oxford now.

I didnt in upper primary apart from reading and spellings and a maths sheet. Noting in lower primary apart from reading.

Also Oxbridge.

However also evidence Oxbridge doesn't necessarily lead to "oxbridge salaries "😂

@Chichimcgee flounce all you like. I find the knee jerk reaction of ‘work less’ to a woman struggling with childcare responsibilities quite distasteful. It is possible to be a good mother and ‘value family time’ while working full time. Good thing too, because most women have no choice on that.

it is not a binary choice between supporting school work and having family time. most of us manage to achieve both - on good days I can even make homework time family time ; other weeks it is admittedly more of a challenge to keep it fun and purposeful. my kids are happy, thriving in school, and have a loving relationship with both parents - doing homework certainly hasn’t hampered any of that.

DS currently year 7 at a selective independent school. Was at a different independent prep for primary.

Year 1 this is too much. Daily reading and a “proper” weekend homework sheet and weekly spelling list would be appropriate.

Year 4 I’d expect a daily task lasting 15 minutes, plus daily reading and weekly spelling list. We also had half termly projects - poster, research, art/ craft type - to do at weekends.

In year 6 it was as year 4 but 30 minutes a night.

Now it’s 30 minutes per subject a night - 2 to 3 subjects set.

DS now self motivates to do homework as soon as he arrives home and first thing on Saturday morning. It’s worth the effort to start good habits. However I would suggest that you talk to school and say reading and spelling are all that’s possible during the week for your year 1.
Your year 4 needs to do it at after school club.

Thanks all for the comments.
a lot of practical solutions I can try.
I don’t want to stop work and I did choose indie because I work and I did not want to rely on a nanny/babysitter who can be sick/holiday etc etc
I think 1. I need to relax with homework, it is ok if we don’t do them, I can still instil a sense of duty in them (I hope!)
2 cut the clubs. As much as they love them that’s what is taking away time to do them at school. Unfortunately the school is not doing an after school homework club I asked several times but I need the year 4 to really do it herself. She is big enough. She has issues with focusing and attention but SEN does not think out of norm, she is probably a bit immature. Thank you!

That's a bit harsh expecting a year 4 with Sen issues to get on with homework by themselves after 10 hours of school and say theyre immature if they don't do it!

I would sit with my kids in year 4 to do homework tbh. I think its kind of expected. Especially the dreaded homelearning projects yrs 4-6 that some parents pretty much did for them.

@FakeHoisinDuck I read op’s update as her y4 has trouble focusing, but SEN lead doesn’t think it is unusual, so might be a maturity thing (not a Sen issue).

I can ask my y2 dc to do a first pass of homework and then review it with them after. If that hasn’t been the expectation previously it might be challenging to get it going, but with a clear incentive structure you could probably get to a point where she does a chunk of it independently by end of term? I agree that parents still play a role at this stage, but not sure she needs to stand over her while she does it?