Homework

[Abc43]

My 2 DDs (year 1 and year 4) go to a small independent school. They are happy but the amount of homework is ruining all our time at home. I work full time and pick them up at 6pm every day, we get home 6.20, eat till 7 and then homework bring us to 7.30, bath and sleep. The issue is they are so tired that homework is very very hard and many evenings it is just a fight. The year 4 has every other day 2 pages either math or English and 2 pages of Atom, plus 15 spelling words for Friday, piano and a poem to learn for speech and drama. the year 1 has 20 words to learn for Friday and a level 5 booklet to read. It is probably 30 mins to do both but they are the worst 30 min of my day. Instead of eating and chatting, be relaxed, read a book together, I need to keep on pushing them to do these homework. We try to do as much as possible over the weekend (piano, speech and drama, spelling) but since many days we cannot finish the weekly homework we have these plus additional weekend homework. The year 4 will have at least 45 mins between math and English and 2 atoms. They year 1 has 4 pages of exercises linked with the 20 spelling words (which I need to do a bit Saturday and Sunday or it is too much in one go), 2 pages of English, 5-10 pages of math plus booklet to read. I am finding to cancel many of our social activities on Sundays as I need the day to get them to do homework.
i M exhausted and they are too.
I spoke with the school but they say many parents actually asked for more homework (they pick up their kid at 4.30-5 so they have more time in the evening plus just one kids, while I have two) so they are pushed to actually increase the quantity.
I m thinking to change school and I went to visit a few other independent schools in the area, they all say they give a few homework but not too much, but the school I had chosen said the same.
AIBU and this is the normal amount of homework independent schools give?
do kids have 30 mins a day plus a few hours during the weekend plus musical instruments, timetables and reading?

Where are they from 3.40- 6? Can’t they do it then? And you just ask them about it over dinner?
or do it over breakfast if that works better?

I don’t think the quantity is necessarily excessive for y4, but maybe a little more than what I would expect for y1? my y2 have 15/20 mins a day not including musical instrument practice. The set up you describe is definitely not ideal, though, and mine aren’t good for much at 7pm either - I think timing/logistics are the source of your issue rather than the quantity of homework.

at our indie, from y3 onwards there is an option for prep after school, where children complete homework under teacher supervision. Is something like that available? I would also experiment with timing- could some of it be done in the morning or while you cook dinner? One of my daughters was really struggling with reading at the end of the day, and now we do it over breakfast instead - she’s a morning person, and much sharper / happier at 7am than 7pm. It does mean I am not able to focus exclusively on her reading (multitasking to get bags packed, everyone fed, etc.), but it takes half as long and she is 10x happier about doing it.

My DD is in Year 1 in a small London prep and she gets 12 spellings a week, a phonics reading book, a "reading for pleasure" book and about 4-8 pages of worksheets (English or maths, it alternates). So it seems a bit less than yours, and our prep does have a reputation for setting less homework than more hothouse type schools (which is reflected in our 11+ destinations though - we send more girls to mid-tier than superselective senior schools). I still find it a challenge to fit it all in (with music practice), even though I usually pick her up at 4.20pm! But she likes to play a lot and it's always an effort to tear her away from her toys, so it's not that we don't actually have the time at home to do it.

Most of the parents at our school who have 2 ft jobs have a nanny to do the pickup rather than going to wraparound care, so I guess the nanny supervises the homework. I think there is a homework club from Year 3 where it can be done after school - I'm planning to use that myself to avoid the battles even though I don't work late.

If they want to aim for Oxbridge, is it better to begin earlier ? and being used to the requirements of studying etc ?

Does the school not offer supervised prep?

What is tiring out your children during the afternoon?

The amount of homework doesn't sound extraordinary at all. My DCs in the US had much more every day, with projects, book reports, and studying for math, spelling, and vocab tests, and more.

The problem seems to be that you need after school care and others don’t. My eldest DC (yr 2) has a similar amounts to do I think - not from her state school which is just 2-4 pages and doesn’t take too long - but also 2 x instruments to practice 10 mins each night, lines from drama clubs to learn, books to read (although her reading is very good so she goes under the radar) and second language homework.

She does an after school activity 4 nights and 3 over the weekend. Even though I pick activities that require no (or minimal) home practice I struggled last term she was doing 5 nights and most after school activities were off site which left no evening time free - so I understand how the time in the evening just disappears. On the rare occasion she goes to after school club and I pick up at 6 - forget it!
Now all after school activities are at school and I collect at 4.15pm. This allows for stress free music practice every night. One night I collect at 3.15 and that is homework night!!!
So, can you either get the school to do their homework with them (our state school offers a homework club on a Friday evening for 1 hour so I don’t see why yours can’t - or find a new school that does) or can you work flexible hours (am assuming you are not a single parent and could work extra late one night and finish extra early another)? Or why not move to a state school and use the saved cash to pay for an after school nanny (I say nanny but it can just be an neighbour or student that you pay by the hour to collect the children sit with them until you come home) and tutors. If your school isn’t massively academic and sending to the very best selective secondaries then why spend all this time and money being this stressed and unhappy at the amount of homework.
Sometimes what’s best for our children is what is easiest for all the family, not what is seen as being the best by the outside world.

Good luck

Gosh that sounds awful. Ansnthat they're making "busy work" at parents request which won't actually aid their learning.

They need to be kids, to play, to be bored and for home to include stories and bonding and fun and relaxing. Not another stress after a very full day at school. I'm not surprised the kids are complaining as it's an awful lot for them to be at school til 6 and then have work to do. That's a lot for adults and they are only little.

I'd definitely want to change something here either reduction in what's actually necessary as opposed to optional busy work. Or it supervised at school or move school

Do you have time before school?
Do they not have tea at after school club? If you can reduce the evening meal to a quick snack only, that will free up some time.

I'd also cut the Year 1 homework to just the reading tbh.
See if they can do their homework in ASC (or whatever childcare they are in).

I think private schools vary in terms of homework. But what you describe doesn't seem unusual.

This makes me think maybe our DC's state school is exceptional... Year 6, only one spelling sheet (two sided A4), one maths sheet and 4 pages of comprehension a week... Occasionally, there's a topic research to be handed in a few weeks after it's set.

Very good school and very happy children. Majority of families don't intend to go through the selective path, whilst those who plan to would start doing tutoring at certain stage.

Mine started prepare for 11+ in Y4 and got intensive in Y5. He scored well in the exams for two superselectives. And now in Y6, because he's at the top of his cohort, I'm not worried about his work much anymore and he's got plenty of extra- curriculums filled up his evenings and weekends. Lots of free time to relax.

I prefer this way...

Thanks for all the responses.
interesting to hear the amount of homework is normal, other parents ask for more as apparently other more hot house independent schools give more. Secondary school feeding is not great and apart from a few top 3-4 kids per class the rest goes to second tier secondary independent schools.
my issue is really I don’t have time and probably my kids are slow, not really interested in doing homework.
i am not single parent but my husband travels 4 days a week so I am basically alone.
morning does not work as they are slow, wake up at 7, takes ages for breakfast, I leave 7.45 so I can not fit homework.
they have dinner at school but they still want more food so I can not avoid dinner. They have clubs after school in school which they take but they do not have any homework club. I asked the school but they say They are left free to either play read or do homework on their own and my kids always chose to play or read. No other parents seem to request an homework club either.
actually don’t think if I pick up at 4, they will work more, it will be still a drag, they not willing to work, especially the year 1 she wants to play all the time, but I could try to get a nanny. They would need to drop some of the after school clubs which is a tragedy, they love them all. Maybe the issue is they are not acedemic and I just have to accept that as even in a not hot house they struggle to do the homework… I will have think on how to change things, thanks for suggestions

My main regret when my DC were little was forcing them to do their stupid homework 😢 No family should have to go through that.
Im an ex teacher and i totally disagree with homework. Many teachers do believe it or not. It’s the management usually forcing it as they think it will raise standards for their precious inspections. Research proves it does not.
Bin it off @Abc43 your relationship with your children is more important as is their childhood. They don’t get a second go at it.

Totally agree with @solsticelove ex Deputy Head here and homework was always a nightmare. Too much for some, not enough for others. All pointless; if child can do it it’s too easy so pointless and if they need lots of help it’s too hard so again, pointless.
sorry OP not helping you here! What if your DCs didn’t do it? Or just did some of it?

One of mine was not academic. Homework was a daily battleground and actually severely impacted my relationship with him. My other two just got on with it, but not my middle one. So, I gave up. We read books for fun, and learned songs and rhymes for times tables etc. He’s still not academically inclined as a 27 year old, but he found himself an apprenticeship in a very cool creative industry and is forging a fascinating career for himself which he loves.

@SingsongSu no actual issues if they are not done. But I feel it does not I still a good work ethic in them. I’d rather be in a school that does not give them than giving them the message it is ok if they don’t work.
both my husband and I are very high working in senior management positions, both have PhDs so we have studied quite a lot. Having not academic children is not really what we expected and we want to teach them that it is very important to work hard.

I think it's a false equivalence between "being academic" and "happy to do an extra 30mins of homework after 6pm after presumably 10 hours at school.

Mine are academic (grammar school) and neither worked 10 hours a day at school plus 30mins while at primary.

There's not a lot of research on favour of large amounts of homework when small either.

There is for reading. Reading is so important and hearing them read.

But playing and learning though discussion and thinking and doing is so important as well as worksheets...

My BF (ex primary and current Ed Psych) says that children should not just be bodies carrying around brains. She hate homework too - unless the child wants to do it. Your children don’t like homework then don’t do it (I didn’t in year 1), I only really focus on music and second language (out of school) and this is little and often. They want to do it as they enjoy showing off! State school homework honestly only takes 15 minutes max and spellings get tested a couple of nights while cooking dinner.
Weekends should be for fun! I didn’t say that my DC both do activities for that are 2 hours long each day and we treat this as ‘adult time’ - to have a long walk and a coffee! They enjoy the activities so it’s win-win! We wouldn’t do it otherwise. It has to suit us all. We have time to still do parties, meet ups etc. You need to reclaim your weekend if that is when DH is home, not do homework.
I also didn’t say that Wednesday night homework only takes 30mins max for school and second language. Any gaps I notice (counting money, telling time etc) I just randomly throw into a conversation, which takes 1 minute, until they get it.
Honestly hire a student to pick them up, give them a snack and sit while they do their homework. They will probably do it happily for someone else!

You won’t make your children academic by putting them through hothouse private schools. Those poor kids. Every minute of their day taken up by the relentless drive to fill the UCAS form and LinkedIn profile, and not even out of primary school yet.

May I ask how you remembered your childhood at this stage with regards to homework?

Teaching children about the value of hardworking is right - That's one of the biggest reason why we did 11+.

But Y1 is just too young to do daily homework. And for Y4, as you said, if the school doesn't produce results in proportion to the efforts they put in, what kind of message they would get? (Worked so hard for many years = still not good enough?)

Also - two dinners? As well as lunch?

State yr 3 child. Every week, 12 spellings, one chapter book (20 mins), maths worksheets (10 to 15 mins), one activity from a grid of activities to do across the term based in the current topic (we don’t do this). Also encouraged to do timetable computer programme. She plays the piano but this is outside school and spends about 5 to 10 minutes practising 4/5 times a week.

We had this problem (child later turned out to have SEN). Spoke to the Head and she arranged for the ASC supervisors to ensure DD did the set work. For what we were paying, I considered that more than reasonable! We started to run into big issues with it from year 1 onwards and year 2 was dreadful. I think DH and I did 90% of it...in the lockdown nearer 100% (pointless, although I learnt loads about the rainforest...)

Post lockdown (apart from a brief period when we had an after school nanny) we have stopped forcing DD to do it. We remind her, provide materials and send her to hw club on a Friday to do the weekend hw.

If they want it done, they organise it in the 10 hours they have the kids!

I'm a teacher. I do expect my students to complete hw. They're 15-18 with public exams.

From 7.45am to 6.20pm they are working or travelling. Most adults couldn’t cope with that AND then have more work on top.
Im not a pushy mum, I don’t think working 24/7 makes anyone happier or better than someone who works part time or has a less ‘good’ job. So feel free to ignore me but it’s a lot of work for little kids and they don’t get much time with you which is what they need.

I think this is insane. But I fundamentally oppose homework at primary school. Never had it myself. Kids should work at school and relax afterward, I've had run ins with teachers at their school on it.

Mental and physical health are just as important. Kids need play and other activities.

They can't force you to do it....

it’s very important to work hard

I respectfully disagree. It’s important to work hard for what you want, for what’s important to you. I think it’s more important to be happy, follow your passion, look after your mental health. They’re babies and you expect them to work pretty much 24/7 their entire life? I obviously have very different values but I find that so sad.