Is this normal behaviour for a head?

[avenanap]

To criticise children in front of parents and give no praise.
to exclude children from teams because their parents have complained.
to tell parents their child should be sent to boarding school.
to choose favourite pupils, give them big parts in school plays and pick them for sports teams over children more able.
To ignore children in older classes
To ignore parents when they offer advice on their child.
to tell a parent that their child is "thick"
to tell a parent that it would embarass the school if they turned down a place at a secondary school for their child
to tell a parent that they spend too much time with their child.
to shout at a parent when they ask why their child is not in sports team
to ignore parents and talk to others all the time.
to over discipline some children and ignore others who do the thing.
To tell the parent of a child that the child is uncaring and will not respect them when they are older.
to criticise a child so that they are not offered a place at a new school for something that the child does not do.
to threaten a parent with giving their child a bad reference for their next school unless they listen to him and do not answer back.

This can't be normal can it?

Consult with other parents, if they feel/recognise the same, go to govenors right away.

I think you are being super-sensitive.

You don't know why a child is excluded from a team; it's usually the director of sport who picks the teams, not the head.

For some children, boarding school is the best option (assuming parents can pay).

Etc. etc.

If you don't like the school, stop whinging and go elsewhere.

There are no governors, it's private. Some of this is my observations, some another parents. It's odd behaviour right? Oh, and I was told he pushed a kid up some stairs.

Doesn't sound like he's very good with adults. Or kids, by the sound of it. But how much is playground gossip, perhaps taken out of context and exaggerated?

It is difficult to comment on some of your examples without knowing the context.

And how do you know about these things - did they happen to you and your DC?

But it is your comment about pushing a child up some stairs that is the most worrying.

If that is true, the parents of the child who was allegedly pushed need to make an appointment to see the Headteacher as a matter of urgency.

Private schools do have governors unless it is privately owned.

Your list sounds very specific to you.

Some private schools are known for their bracing, no nonsense approach. You might say they are stuck in a timewarp, but often that's what parents want.

If you have lost faith and your child is not making progress or is unhappy, then look for another that suits.

Ours is private but still has Parent Governors. I think you are taking too much on hearsay and agree not all responsibility for such decisions is the heads unless it is a tiny school - much would be delegated and then perhaps rubber stamped.

I don't think it is, the details were from the parent of that child. He was excluded from the team because he had missed 2 training sessions, however, there were other members of the team that had not attended any. It is possible she has exaggerated things.

I'm just asking if this is normal behaviour for the headteacher.

A lot of the examples you give could be a matter of perception, coming from a disgruntled parent.

I'm not saying you're wrong, just hard to pass judgment on.

What do you make of him?

Probably the straight answer is no then but you are asking us to base an opinion on your account of hearsay, assumption and speculation. Some parents don't take kindly to being told negatives of their child and take offence accordingly, then misquote out of context. Some schools have a policy of inclusion whereby it always the best who are chosen for plays and teams, but that in turn may upset parents of the more able.

Hmm. Alpha male, always right, thinks he knows best.

The examples are from a few different parents, the always choosing favourites is fairly obvious, even ds has commented. I have noticed others but other parent has told me she has noticed this to.

It's a very small school, he's in charge. I'm very worried.

My ds is very good at debating, he was left out of the team and a child who had never done this before and needed extra lessons was given a place instead.

You need to pull the finger out and get a place in a new school for your DS. You may only have till the end of the week to put in your notice.

Well, you're the customer. You need to compain about the service you're receiving, like you would with any shoddy service that you're paying for

aren't you moving your ds as of Autumn anwyay ?

Yes. I'm just concerned about the remaining children. If he's behaving unreasonably then they should know. I have friends there. I should hear this week as to whether ds has a place, I've asked them not to contact the old head (it's not a boarding school full of men!).

As you are moving ds because you're presumably dissatisfied, it might just come over as sour grapes. And what might have bothered you might not apply to other children.

Parents aren't daft, let them decide for themselves.

You've admitted that your child doesn't fit in at this school - perhaps their children fit in wonderfully and they have no gripes.

I don't think you can totally blame the school for everything that is wrong in the world. Prep schools usually have a fairly narrow ethos, and they do wonderfully well for the children that fit in. They are usually happy to recommend alternative schools for the children that don't. It's not a 'one size fits all' business.

You also have to appreciate that there are limited places on teams, and you may need to wait until the end of term until your child gets one of the consolation places. I've certainly been through that with my son. I recognised that he would not have been an asset to the team (especially as a daisy-picking 8 year old!).

Avenanap, I've read a previous thread you started about your DS changing schools, and I really think you should be looking for a new school ASAP.

What are your plans at the moment?

Agree other parents may well not appreciate your veiled criticism of the school , undermining their choice, especially once your departure becomes known. Credit them with some intelligence. If you claim you've heard such things, you won't be the only one but every story has more than one side. Do you plan to stay friends with any families ?

It's hard to explain. The parents are very competitive anyway but this is expected. There are alot of children that no longer fit in. Mine included. I don't feel bitter, I know that it's not right for ds so I'm looking for one that is. The old head was never like this though, you could see her for anything and she was supportive. I did like him when he started, he seemed so helpful and wanted to support ds, he had ideas of thngs to try but he has not followed through on any of them. I am looking at his behaviour (the heads) and I am finding it very odd. Yes, ds gets into trouble for dropping his pencil or talking at lunch time and this annoys me. I can clearly see him favour some children over others, it's very obvious as these are the children that are being chosen as sports captains, sports teams, lead parts in plays, debating teams, chess teams, poetry competition winners. Some of them are good, some of them are not but they are all the same children with parents that are always in meetings with him and helping him promote the school. It might be sour grapes, he's done ds no favours but when other parents are saying the same thing then is something more going on?

Maybe I am reading too much into this. Ds will not be there once I have found somewhere else. I'm sure the other parents will be able to see any problems.I was not going to do anything about him, I just wasn't sure if his behaviour was appropriate. It won't be my problem though.

Then live and let live

Are all of them like this or should I home ed now?