Is this normal behaviour for a head?

[avenanap]

To criticise children in front of parents and give no praise.
to exclude children from teams because their parents have complained.
to tell parents their child should be sent to boarding school.
to choose favourite pupils, give them big parts in school plays and pick them for sports teams over children more able.
To ignore children in older classes
To ignore parents when they offer advice on their child.
to tell a parent that their child is "thick"
to tell a parent that it would embarass the school if they turned down a place at a secondary school for their child
to tell a parent that they spend too much time with their child.
to shout at a parent when they ask why their child is not in sports team
to ignore parents and talk to others all the time.
to over discipline some children and ignore others who do the thing.
To tell the parent of a child that the child is uncaring and will not respect them when they are older.
to criticise a child so that they are not offered a place at a new school for something that the child does not do.
to threaten a parent with giving their child a bad reference for their next school unless they listen to him and do not answer back.

This can't be normal can it?

You could ask the same about parents

This sounds a little bit like my childhood experience of private schools. This is why I now send my children to a state school .

I can cope with pushy obnoxious parents but I didn't know heads were like this. It's shocking. ds did get a good part in the school play though

No, you know that is not true. There are lots of threads on MN extolling the virtues of private ed.

You might even find in a year or two that the head at the current school has 'moved on', but you will know you have done the right thing for your ds by moving him now and finding him an environment that suits.

It's my first experience with the private system and I didn't know what to expect. He's very intimidating and I'm shocked that he thinks he knows what is best for my ds. I have told him what I am planning on doing but he is adamant that I should do what he has told me to. Sod that! I know he has given bad references for some of his less favourite children that have resulted in them not getting into their chosen school. I'm concerned he'll do the same for ds if I piss him off. I have never met a person like him before. I don't know how to handle him except to say that I'll consider his advice and that I am really grateful for his support (I feel sick!). Roll on September!

If what you are saying is true, then he shouldn't really be allowed near children!! Telling a child off for dropping their pencil or talking at lunchtime is cruel and pointless.
It's certainly true that some private schools, particularly small ones, can be very narrow in their outlook, and rules and regulations can be petty. If you put an autocratic, bullying type person in charge, then the danger is that without the checks and balances you would get in a state school, you can end up with a very unprofessional situation.
Whatever the details of the situation, you are obviously very unhappy with what this school is offering (and you're paying twice for your ds to receive this!!) so I would get out now. At the end of the day, a private school is running a business, and while the better ones will care about your child and offer a rounded education that will benefit all its pupils, it seems that your experience is that some children are getting sidelined in favour of others. You need to get your ds out and find another school where he can flourish.

Thankyou. I'm looking, I took him to see one l last week, he said he did well, I saw him open doors for people, he was talking to the head when I went to collect him, he had no problems. Then the head of the new school phoned the head of the old. ds was turned down because of his social problems (that he no longer has but new head is convinced he has got). I'm taking him to see another one, I'm asking them not to request a reference as head has only just started and I do not feel he has got to know ds enough to make this judgment. I have told new school that old head has ideas of which school ds should go to that I do not agree with (he wants ds to board for the discipline, I think he's talking bollocks and ds is better off at home in a nurturing, supportive, loving, guiding environment). It's got bugger all to do with him anyway but I no longer trust him. I am worried for the children that are left when my ds goes.

worry about your own child, you can't expect to change everyone else's perception or opinion or critcise the head on their account. tbh it sounds as if you are particularly bitter because your ds lost out on a place and you blame the head for that.

However if you really are genuinely concerned for the standards ther then ring ICSIS or Ofsted once you are sorted out, assuming they are an inspected school. If it is not, that in itself would have been enough to put me off in the first instance.

Not normal at all. Document everything. Put your concerns in writing. It's really important there is evidence of incompetence/ inappropriate behaviour which is recorded neutrally without emotion.

Definitely raise your concerns in writing with head himself initiatlly and then with governors. It's not just you and your child here. The head is ultimately responsible for all the children in his care.

Even if nothing happens as a result of your documented concerns (which would definitely mean somehting was wrong) they will be on record and you will have done your duty should any problems arise down the road.

By the way your school should have a written complaints procedure which you need to look at and follow.