Is anyone’s child a chorister? Can you let me know how pressured their life is?

[WhompingWillows]

My DD2 has been invited to audition to become a chorister at our nearest cathedral. I’m excited by the possibility (she is totally unaware as yet), especially as it would mean she would qualify for a bursary to a world-famous music school as part of the ‘deal’. I’m aware that the life of a chorister can be demanding on the child and the family (this has been spelled out in no uncertain terms by the choir master) but I’d like to hear from anyone who has lived experience. Thank you!

Mine was but in sixth form rather than a tiddler. It ties up weekends a little but is otherwise just a hobby.

@Itisbetter thanks so much for replying: did your DC attend a related music school? Also, do you manage to get a Christmas Day?!

A struggle for us with 2 other young children I had to “drag” out with me.

unfortunatley we couldn’t maintain it long term and I made the difficult decision to stop.

I was and I loved it. It's an amazing experience for a child to really, really excel at something. Not just "for your age" but to get to be really genuinely good. I really think that experience set me up for life with an appreciation that excellence was possible, attainable, for ordinary people like me.

An unmediated interaction with excellence also meant I never had the idea that I had to be beautiful or famous to do something well. I could have bad hair and be lumpy or old or whatever. Most children they only have media representations so it skews their perspective wildly, I think.

ETA: it was really demanding!! But that was part of what I loved. Quite exhilarating to be doing something other people found important. So many children feel a bit pointless... because their whole life is just about them? They bring nothing to the table, which is not actually a brilliant feeling for humans, generally.

@Goherdy thanks for replying: I must admit, I am concerned about the effects of the whole family signing up to a chorister’s life. I am very torn. Mind you, DD hasn’t even had her audition yet!

Friends had 4 children, one was a chorister. He was required all day on Christmas Day. They just had the family Christmas celebration on a different day, even when their children were quite little.

Both parents worked full time in demanding jobs but having a nanny no doubt helped!

I go to services at St Paul's Cathedral, including the Christmas Day ones.

The Choristers are always there on Christmas Day, they sing at Choral Eucharist and Festal Evensong.

Festal Evensong finishes at around 4 pm and so the Choristers' Term ends at 4.15 pm. Their parents are often in the Cathedral for that service and the boys go home with them afterwards.

@coliqua thanks so much for posting about your lived experience. Like you, DD is very ordinary: I am a totally lone parent of two and we live in a very low income household. Being given this opportunity is like being given a glimpse of a different but better life for DD2.

Members of my family have been/will be. It can be wonderful but also difficult. It will affect your Christmas Day etc. Also for some schools you have to board or you used to. The school might not be as academic as your child needs (like less academic that the good local state options). It’s also expensive, but is your Dd going for a scholarship?

@HardcoreLadyType definitely no nanny here! 😅

Is the place at the school boarding? And is the school the same school that all the choristers attend? And does the school work hand in hand with the cathedral? All of those things will make a huge difference in how pressurised it is for both your DD and your wider family. DH used to be a chorister at Canterbury Cathedral, but that was a long time ago, over the last 50 years the choristers have been given a boarding place at St Edmund’s School Canterbury. The choristers themselves come from all backgrounds (and locations ) and the place at the school means they can access the choristership easily and it is therefore facilitated by the school with regards to timetabling, travelling etc. This greatly lessens the impact on the individual and their family.
However the Church is now withdrawing that scheme - they say to promote inclusiveness - which is farcical. It will have the opposite effect and mean choristership will only be accessible to those who can either move nearby, have family who can dedicate hours of their own time each week to travelling to and from and attend schools who will look favourably on their commitment to the Cathedral. This news supposed to be happening in September, I’m not sure if it did actually happen then. But if your situation is similar, and the place at the school is funded by the Church, I’d be a bit wary about them changing their policy in future.

Which doesn’t mean I don’t think it will be worthwhile for your DD - I absolutely do! But the impact on you both will be much greater.

I think the child themselves has to have a vocation for it, then it will tremendously rewarding . If they really love music and singing, the ‘sacrifices’ melt away.

I knew several ex choristers at University. They all spoke very highly of their experience, and they kept up their music, even if they were studying completely different subjects. They were also mature and sensible ( for their age!). Having the personal responsibility for performing, but also being part of a team seemed to have a long term positive impact on them.

My godson is gifted with a fine voice and good musicality. He was a chorister at an Oxbridge College, and now has a Choral Scolarship at another College. He was very happy as a Chorister, and I think he will always keep up his involvement in choral music.

@IkaBaar I don’t really mind difficult for such a wonderful opportunity. The school attached to the cathedral does offer full and flexi boarding but DD2 is only Y3 so I would be reluctant to consider this as an option. Having said that, I have met some current choristers who are also only eight and who are boarding and love it. The school is probably far more academic than DD2’s current school as it achieves incredible GCSE and A Level results alongside its musical offering. DD2 is currently assessed as greater depth for reading and maths (writing is still a work in progress!)

DS2 Sang for a church that was considered the training ground for cathedral choristers. It was recommended by the cathedral choir master. He loved it so much that he didn't go back to the cathedral. Even though 'only' a church, it was a big commitment, 2 practices a week and a service on a Sunday. Weddings were extra on top. The boys were 'paid' for attending.

A friend has a DD who was a cathedral chorister and is now a professional musician. Academically, she was gifted, too.
If she is interested, and you are prepared for life to revolve around music, go for it!!

@ImNunTheWiser thanks for the heads up: I will definitely have to check out if there will be a similar change in policy. There is no way I can afford the fees for the school attached to the cathedral.

I too am considering chorister life. My DD had an informal audition and has been offered a full scholarship. But she would have to board 4 nights that week from year 3…I don’t know if I’m okay with this!

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen thanks so much for replying. Your godson sounds incredibly talented. I have spoken to a number of adult ex-choristers and they all to a man and woman are overwhelmingly positive about their experiences. I’m not sure that DD2 would consider it as a vocation yet as she is only seven (about to turn eight)!

Does the letter about the audition and the bursary you mentioned say what the funding would cover, WW?

@Fullrecoveryispossible well done to your DD, that’s amazing! I know what you mean about the boarding - although I’d love to send my teen to a boarding school full-time until she turns into an actual human being.

I was chatting to a chorister parent a few months ago. She said it was a massive commitment. But her son, was absolutely addicted to it and loved it.
If I could have my time again, I would love to be a cathedral chorister.

My brother was. Things may have changed- but it was very demanding and, I have to say, ultimately destructive both for him and the rest of the family. My mother always regretted it. But, as I said, they probably do things much better now.

Do families generally go for their local school, or look further afield?

That’s interesting re Canterbury. Is Kings Canterbury for older kids?

My DC were both choristers - it is hard work but very rewarding and gave them great opportunities. They had to learn how to be very organised at a young age in order to fit schoolwork around rehearsals - attending a cathedral school is likely to make that less of a burden as school will help. They also learn to interact with adults differently as the adult members of the choir are effectively doing the same job as the children just with less rehearsal... One went on to study music at conservatoire the other took a different route but is singing in the (very) small top choir at her (massive) university - nearly everyone in it was a chorister.

I would however suggest that you discuss this with your teen if your DD is successful at audition as it is likely to have a bearing on their life too -my brother was a chorister at a time when no cathedral had a girls' choir and it was very hard being dragged around after him/having so much of family life organised around his commitments (and being dead jealous of the opportunities he had that weren't available to me because I was a girl....) If she objects then try to find a way to accomodate her concerns.