Is anyone’s child a chorister? Can you let me know how pressured their life is?

[WhompingWillows]

My DD2 has been invited to audition to become a chorister at our nearest cathedral. I’m excited by the possibility (she is totally unaware as yet), especially as it would mean she would qualify for a bursary to a world-famous music school as part of the ‘deal’. I’m aware that the life of a chorister can be demanding on the child and the family (this has been spelled out in no uncertain terms by the choir master) but I’d like to hear from anyone who has lived experience. Thank you!

King’s have their own choirs but they aren't connected to the Canterbury Cathedral Choristers.

My nephew was a chorister at Westminster Cathedral. It was a requirement To board at the school, but he loved it. My family are close enough that it was easy to pop up to see him regularly. He went on to receive a full scholarship to Ampleforth where he was also very happy

It is a musical education second to none. I think you should pull out all the stops to make it happen. It will be challenging and it will alter your lives, but it might change your DD's future exponentially.

@AuditAngel wow, well done, your nephew; that’s an impressive academic career.

@Mischance than you, this sums up exactly how I’m feeling about the opportunity for DD2. I have always pulled out all the stops for my children’s education: DD1 is in her GCSE year at a super-selective state grammar school and I tutored her through the 11+ myself (hence my prematurely grey hair) as I could never afford private tuition.

@TheSquareMile how lucky you are to be able to attend such magnificent services at such an historic and magnificent cathedral. Yes, I imagine that Christmas Day will never be the same again if DD2 is accepted as a chorister.

My DD is a chorister in a robed choir, albeit in a parish church with a strong musical tradition rather than a cathedral. I'd say the commitment is comparable to playing a sport at county or national youth level in terms of time and ferrying about but I suspect you will find that there is a minibus and subsidised travel etc, plus a strong network of choir parents who will be happy to share lifts. It is also the most incredible musical education and, if she has talent, potentially opens doors for support at university too. I don't know if this is the case in the cathedrals but singing at weddings is a nice pocket money boost in the spring and summer too! Are you Christians? They develop encyclopaedic knowledge of the liturgy and DD's Latin is coming on nicely despite never having studied it at school!

It does make Christmas look a bit different but there is truly nothing more magical than choral music in a packed, candlelit church at Christmas time. We have a carol service this weekend for the first Sunday in Advent and I can't wait.

I work as a lay clerk (adult choir singer) at a cathedral in the south west. I would say if your daughter has a good natural singing ability and genuinely loves singing, and if you think you can make it work as a family and financially, definitely go for it. If she is not that bothered, it could be a struggle in terms of behaviour/discipline as they are expected to behave impeccably at all times to stay in the choir (and keep their scholarship etc). However I have seen children who have been indifferent at first really rise to the challenge, particularly when the choir master is good at their job.

Honestly if it is something that would work for you all I would leap at the chance - sadly the cathedral school where I work only offers a 50% scholarship to choristers, so I highly doubt I will be able to send my DDs there which I would have loved!

My DC are in a robed choir at a local
church. It’s not as big a commitment as a cathedral (one weekday rehearsal, one or two services on Sundays, plus special occasions) and they both love it. They have good friends there, they’ve learnt so much (not just singing and theory, but how to help younger DC, how to work as a team, how to sit quietly and look interested while being bored).

Its opened up so many opportunities, both are in National Youth Choir and lots of other music related things. And it’s amazing for their confidence, especially the one who is not naturally comfortable performing.

I don’t think I would have gone for anything that meant boarding, but in your circumstances I would certainly consider it if she can live at home. Or it might also be worth looking around for a local church where she can get the music and the training with less commitment, at least to start off with.

My children were non-choristers at a cathedral school. Big big mistake, deeply regret the choice of school. Fine up to chorister selection years, in fact very warm and nurturing but from Y4/5 onwards very unhealthy environment. Choristers become bullies, a little eccentric or very very bossy because they feel so special and will not be dealt with by the school even after complaining as too much is invested in them, they become untouchable little Demi gods and they look the part too. My children lived in their shadows almost in fear, rarely having any achievements recognised by the school and often melting down at home playing out all the nastiness from school including the intense chorister clique that forms. The parents too are stuck up, ambitious and haughty, completely different type of prep school parent above and beyond the most demanding private school parent, they look straight through you as soon as their child becomes a chorister. By Y6 they completely stop talking to commoners who leave for the local state grammar school mostly. No thanks. My children bloomed in a state grammar school after, they never even got a well done for passing the 11+ from the cathedral school as nothing ever compares to the choristers. I can’t believe I paid for the privilege. Honestly a state school undid the damage, even if less famous and more crowded with stretched resources the children are nicer, down to earth and genuinely smarter. I truly believe the chorister experience is exploitative and damaging. I found the brightest or most emotionally stable non choristers left after Y6 leaving the chorister in their own little eccentric world in Y7/8 leaving a few abandoned boarding school children with various problems their parents wanted to pay their way out of facing. Honestly the experience was so bad I never go to church now. Let them be choristers but I’d say no no no to a chorister school.

That is interesting - and I a sorry to hear about this bad experience. Two of my GC are at a cathedral school (one on an academic scholarship) and the situation could not be more different. The choristers are simply part of the general run of pupils - there is no distinction made - they all mix together very happily, both pupils and parents. Also there are a mass of singing opportunities for all, not just the choristers. Each pupil will belong to at least one choir - my GC both belong to two and the choristers are part of these too.

It may relate to the fact that this cathedral is in a predominantly rural area where people tend to be down to earth and with different life experiences.

@vicarc goodness, thanks for sharing your experience. I’m not a Christian or indeed a church-goer but I did wince a bit at your descriptions of children.