Question for those of you who send their children to independent schools

[HonoriaGlossop]

There seems to have been loads on MN lately about state/independent and I have been thinking about it loads - our DS has some co-ordination difficulties which mean that he has fine/gross motor skills delay, nothing too serious and he will grow out of it, but I think despite good intentions all round he is not thriving in a big class of 30

He is in bottom groups for literacy/numeracy - but he has been seen by the Ed Psych (teachers picked up a mismatch between his output and his apparent intelligence) and indeed it states in the Ed Psych's report that in many areas he is very well above average etc etc

So without waffling on any more I think it's clear he would benefit more from a much smaller class where he would get more attention/more focussed attention on his own needs.

Thing is we are NOT rich. If we manage to send him to independent school it will be mean that we are having to be very careful to make ends meet each month; holidays, probably not; and moving up the property ladder, definitely not.

Is it worth it in view of the real effect it would have on our everyday lives? Worth it now, in primary, or better to wait till secondary? That's my instinct at the moment but I would value your thoughts if you're in this situation or have been

I never thought I'd be thinking about private schools but ds particular needs are making me feel we'd be failing him if we just about CAN, but don't

TIA

If you're thinking about it, I would say the only thing to do is go and look at some local schools, and REALLY grill them on how they deal with children like your ds.

In the meantime, I think it's really encouraging for his current school that his teachers picked up a problem and talked to you about it.

TBH I think if you felt your ds were doing well and was happy you wouldn't give a toss about the money. Holidays are overrated anyway and when the carbon rationing comes in you'll just be ahead of the curve . The only problem(s) would be fees outstripping income rise(s), and 'extras' which usually look pretty essential to me. You would probably have a low-grade to high-grade worry about the money most of the time - only you know how much that eats away at you personally.

Look very carefully at fee information - there are some amazing schools which are a lot cheaper than others.

And have you considered home education?....

Thing is Sue, the local primary and secondary are all excellent, it's partly why we moved here. I just think despite being in an 'excellent' school DS is not thriving. I suppose I am talking myself into private. I think he (as would most kids) would enjoy school more if it wasn't so hectic and the teachers had more time to give him

It's just that for us private may mean no holidays at all, and we would be kind of stuck in our little 2 bed house with no possibility of moving up. It will have such an effect on quality of life - won't have a big house to downsize from, come retirement....of course I'm happy to make sacrifices but it's difficult to judge if it's worth it when you've never experienced the private side of things.

I think a fear of mine is that ds is just a boy who doesn't love school, won't be academic.....then we've spent ooodles of money giving him an experience he could have had for free

thanks for that choosy....I certainly have considered home education and would love to but work 30 hours a week just to pay for the little house we've got

I'd say it really depends what the independent schools in your area are like - some are lovely places with small class sizes and a caring environment where he'd get what you're looking for. Others are very pressured academically, and they would take your money while doing very little to justify it...

We were in similar boat with ds . He has a class of 20 rather than 30, stes ar esmaller nbumbers and yet still doesn't get as much individual attention as in an ideal workld. If your ds needs any 1 to 1 you may find it costs on top of basic fees, ours is something like £30 per hour for something which might be free in the state system. Similarly I feel the NHS give him a lower priority on the basis that we should be able to afford it privately if needs be

On the plus side , ds loves and is flourishing in the cosier environment overall, has opportunities to do specific lessons and extra curricular activities such as DT and wordwork with specialist teachers who encourage him, plays a variety of sport (not that he is that keen!) and swims every week at least once.

I'd just say go into it with eyes wide open re costs and choose an allrounded rather than a superacademic hothouse.

And some private schools, even if they aren't academically pressured, aren't ready (whether by lack of experience or lack of interest) to cope with children outside a certain norm of behaviour & ability. Even if one like that takes your son you may find yourself in an amateurish environment where they need your continual input on how to teach him. But of course there ARE good ones.

So - I would make a list of every private school within sensible reach & then research them fiercely - Good Schools Guide entries very useful; ask everyone you know for inside info; see what the Ed Psych says?

I think if you are worried about him not loving learning and not managing at THIS stage, then primary is the place to spend your money

If he benefits from smaller class sizes now, and "grows into himself" as it were, he will probably be in a v good situation to manage state secondary later on

not much point sending him for (infinately more expensive) private secondary if he has been turned off school because his needs haven't been met as a primary pupil...

thanks AMum. There is one I'm thinking of (dreaming of!) which seems to be what you say, small class sizes and a caring environment. They have a very good dyslexia dept - not that ds is a candidate for that I don't think but it seems a sign that they are looking deeper than just as you say, a pressured academic environment.

But I suppose the sensible thing to do is not go private unless you can fairly comfortably afford it. Unless things change dramatically with my or DH's salary(unlikely) it would be a real struggle.

I would say that the issue is about finding the right school for your child regardless of which sector.

Eldest DS is in a fantabulous independent boys but he is very academic and very spoty. The school is outstanding with both. Plus they are fantastic support for him after his last school who weren't able to deal with the fallout from his brothers problems ( severe SN).
His previous school was less academic but interesting also far less pastoral. He really struggled there and only returned to his happy self after we moved him.
I also took him to one good local prep who imediately accepted him as he waltzed through their testing. Then a teacher walked in and met with us and DS1's brother. When we explained that DS2 was profoundly autistic she actually pointed at DS1 and said "he doesn't have anything related to that does he" IN FRONT OF BOTH OF THEM !She was the SN administrator .
When we picked an independent for DD we looked very specificly at thier pastoral approach and that was the determining factor in choosing her school. It is fab.

God - I'm waffling but I am trying to say that an Independent school may well have smaller classes but may do jack shit to help your son. On the other hand a very nurturing school may not be able to cope if your DS does not meet their academic selection criteria.
A more relaxed ( less academic) school will not always be better at support. BIG misconception.
So look at the school and be very specific about what they are providing. You may be surprised but which best meets your needs.

well unless you think he will benefit from a couple of years of the private prep and then move him back to eg the state primary later

you don't have to buy into the system to the end, use whatever part suits you at the time, if you can

oh thanks PPH and bink and LIZ.

As I say I have found (and visited) a fairly local school which has a focus on including children with various sorts of special needs and it's mentioned on their last inspection as something they are outstanding with. Class sizes at primary age are around 12 and secondary they are around 10. Fees about £400 a month primary and £600 secondary. What does that sound like to you? Thanks for the help - am a complete dead loss! Need all the advice I can get.

blimey pag, what a bizarre teacher! Thanks for that. I have been aware that it's not just ANY independent; I have been looking around for those I think would suit ds (and me....I am really not the sort of parent who pushes at all and whether ds is academic or not I want him to have a childhood and not be too 'moulded')

Our ds struggled hugely with writing at his state primary, we had him tested privately for dyslexia and discovered a similarly large gap between potential and ability. We moved him to a private school (for wider reasons)and he flourished. BUT, had we moved him earlier, I think he may well have struggled even more because of the amount of academic work expected. And we would not have moved him had we not been unhappy with the school in other areas. I'd say if it is a good state primary (and it sounds it), leave him there ,and if necessary spend some of the (very large) amount of money on private tuition to catch him up and the rest on enjoying life for him and as a family.

£400 a month.. wht is that, around £1200 a term? BARGAIN, most that I know are about £3500 a term primary. Less for under 8s.

What does your gut tell you? Could you earmark the money (or know where it is coming from) at that level for eg 2 years and then review in light of your finances and his progress?

I would also triple check whether they would charge you more for additional help - many independent schools do and if that is another £40 a week or whatever, that is significant.

the trouble with private tuition I think LLD is that it just makes a week packed with school even longer... you finish with school where you are behind and stressed and then have to try and catch up at home with ANOTHER teacher.... I think it can be a bit much tbh

I think it is better for children who are struggling to be taught for shorter periods but in much smaller groups. But that is just my opinion obviously...

How realistic is a switch in your area. Most independent schools restrict their intake to certain ages and times - 3/4 then 7 then aged 11 and that following assessment. The only independent school near us that wasn't selective and probably would have accepted children at different ages and other points in the year wasn't very good. Although it had small classes it taught in a way that didn't seem to have changed since the 50s - kids sitting in individual desks with teacher at front etc etc. I don't think it sounds like your child would thrive in this sort of enviornment. We didn't think ours would.

I'd look at the schools' websites and explore their admissions systems before you take this any further.

Sounds incredibly cheap tbh , almost too good to be true.

Oh that's interesting that it's a bargain! I will double check any 'extras' on their website, thanks for the tip.

LLD I am with PPH on the extra tuition thing; ds has ENOUGH of formal learning during school I feel....but I totally see what you mean about it getting him some of that extra time and attention he is not getting at school and for a lot less money!

It's not that I want him to do extra to catch up, just to know that he is having maximum input. I suppose it all comes down to class sizes...

I am a planner, fivecandles - not thinking of straight away, this would be for when ds goes to junior at age 7 (or even possibly secondary....)

just been on to the website of this school, it is actually £1700 a term primary (about £425 a month?) and £2400 secondary. But then this is only a small local school, about 300 odd pupils, not a posh place particularly

ds school is about that - comes to about 6 grand a year. ime it has been well worth it - ds has mild dyslexia and was totally lost in a large class - we moved him after 2 years in the state sector in a school that has twice been top in the Sunday Times poll. he has flourished in his new school and is a different boy. we felt that primary was hugely important as we have several state grammar schools around here, plus all independent require 11+ and we felt he would fall way behind at this point. so, for us, it has been 100% worth the effort - we are pretty skint after paying fees and tend to go camping rather than the maldives like some in his class - but we are by no means alone in struggling to pay the fees and there is a broad cross section at his school. hth long sorry!

Ds1 school is £3,600 per term for secondary. DD is £1,700 for pre-prep. So £1,700 for primary is pretty good in my book.

that's very helpful indeed moopy, thank you - exactly the sort of thing I needed to know. Whether it's worth the struggle - which it certainly seems to be, in your ds' case

and pag, thanks. I am realising this is about as cheap as it's going to get so if we can't do this we can't do private

thanks so much everyone

I think I want to send him there

I may have to look at getting another job

Am off to google jobs

good luck.
( see if the school have any jobs and then you could try for discounted fees too - hooray !)