Question for those of you who send their children to independent schools

[HonoriaGlossop]

There seems to have been loads on MN lately about state/independent and I have been thinking about it loads - our DS has some co-ordination difficulties which mean that he has fine/gross motor skills delay, nothing too serious and he will grow out of it, but I think despite good intentions all round he is not thriving in a big class of 30

He is in bottom groups for literacy/numeracy - but he has been seen by the Ed Psych (teachers picked up a mismatch between his output and his apparent intelligence) and indeed it states in the Ed Psych's report that in many areas he is very well above average etc etc

So without waffling on any more I think it's clear he would benefit more from a much smaller class where he would get more attention/more focussed attention on his own needs.

Thing is we are NOT rich. If we manage to send him to independent school it will be mean that we are having to be very careful to make ends meet each month; holidays, probably not; and moving up the property ladder, definitely not.

Is it worth it in view of the real effect it would have on our everyday lives? Worth it now, in primary, or better to wait till secondary? That's my instinct at the moment but I would value your thoughts if you're in this situation or have been

I never thought I'd be thinking about private schools but ds particular needs are making me feel we'd be failing him if we just about CAN, but don't

TIA

There is another way to look at these things - how much extra do I need to earn and then go and earn it. Think up ways, start a small business, take on a second job. It's easier to earn more than cut back but women never seem to see it like that.

except if you look two posts up xenia you will see that honoria does see it exactly like that

snideness is as snideness does but in context would be helpful

thank you PPH

Come on Xenia, catch up

It isn't just about class sizes. Some independent schools don't have any special needs provision at all, and aren't geared up to dealing with kids who don't just get on with it, whereas the state schools have all kinds of special help in place for kids who need it. You just have to visit the schools and ask the right questions.

And some of the best provision for children with special needs is in the private sector - why people like Ruth Kelly have chosen it.

my son with Cerebral Palsy is in independent schooling, would NEVER send him to state.

MY son with severe ASD is in a state school.Absoloutely fricking brilliant school. Brand new state of the art and fantastic specialist teaching staff.
I would probably never send him to private ( whereas other two are both independent) - well except maybe that one in Ascot.
Different needs accomodated best in different sectors.......

We are not rich (very very far from it) but we send our ds1 to private school, it is a huge struggle to afford it, and has required us on one occasion to accept help offered from grandparents.
That said I would do anything at all to keep him there as he is thriving. Its is a fabulous school, goes from prenursery to 6th form and all the children know each other, a real family feel to the place.
I could recommend his school highly enough-just depends what the schools are like in your area.

Ooh MABS, can I ask about your son with CP? Mine is aged just about 3 with CP also. We had planned to send him to independent but are having second thoughts as they really don't seem to have a clue. DS has no learning difficulties that we can see, but his physical dificulties seem to impact his ability to learn iyswim. i.e he will most likely need a special chair and quite poss 1:1 etc. How does that work at the school your son goes to. do you pay extra, does the school have an OT who can adivse? I have loads of questions but will stop there!! Thanks

The one you've found HonG sounds good and very inexpensive. I had a look at what would be a possible 'fall back' independent school last week and it was merely ok, when I wanted to be wowed. Fees start at £1800 a term and rise to £3,000.

Just been to parents' evening and asked the teachers what they thought. They all said that primary was the most important for getting the foundations right, and these are mostly teachers that have moved from the state sector to the private. It's cheaper too....

thanks everyone for all the input. It's very useful and interesting while I go through this stage of obsessing

I wish I'd been able to send DS2 to an independent school when he was younger as so much seemed to go over his head at primary school. We are now paying for him to go independent in the 6th Form but there is so much catching up to do. But it all depends on the independent schools available in your area compared with the state schools.

I think choosing the right school is the most important thing, whichever sector. Mine dcs have been at two independent schools, both excellent Ofsted, both highly recommended but the difference is astonishing. The first was vey fixed in its own way of doing things and they could not accomodate anything slightly unusual, did not like parents knowing much that was going on etc. The current school is fantastic, nothing is too difficult for them the dcs are incredibly happy and the atmposphere is great, the Head stops to talk to the children and knows them (and thier parents) individually. I have no problem not really having a clue what they are doing except they are clearly learning!

Go and have a look at the school and see what you think before you decide and good luck.

We were in your situation last year - but were also moving house so we had to move ds from the 'excellent' state school he was in. He had hearing difficulties and was just not thriving in the previous school. We moved him to a small independent school which is not particularly academic but is very supportive of all pupils whatever their potential. He has changed from a struggling unhappy child into one who bounds into school, excited about his subjects and is so much happier all round.
The teacher at his previous school suggested that we took him out of the state system til after year 2 (when the sats test pressure peaks) and then move him back if we want/need to.
On the downside, although the school fees (slightly higher than the school you've found but low as school fees go), were well within our budget, dh has just been made redundant and now we have to work out whether it's best to try to move him back into the state sector from September, or if we gamble on dh getting another job which pays sufficiently well. I am not sure if you can get some sort of income insurance for this type of situation, but it may be worth looking into.
(And before anyone asks - yes, I work 5 days a week and contribute towards the family finances and yes, I will be working extra hours whilst dh is at home)

thanks for that guys. SS I think the thing is if there is to be any choice in the matter, it has to be independent - in the state sector there is one infant, one junior and one secondary school locally so no choice involved!

Millarkie, that's so lovely to hear about your DS and I'm so glad he's thriving. I (in a small way!) understand a bit about hearing difficulties as I've had awful long lasting ear infections over the last year which have left me with crap hearing for months on end and I know how much more of an EFFORT everything is....I'm not surprised your DS struggled in a large class; when I can't hear I find DS' classroom an awful environment, all the background noise means I can't hear people at all and it just feels so hectic and overwhelming.

Bounding into school, excited about all his subjects would be just what I want for ds to be doing - if he doesn't do that at 5, when will he?