What’s up with some school mums?

[JBright]

Not all mums I am sure. But my sons starting reception in September and we’re currently doing stay and plays. It’s important to me to try and connect with other mums / parents but the new parents at the gate don’t seem interested. Today, for example I approached the small group of parents waiting to send their children in, I asked if this was the stay and play, all I got was one turned round grunted “yeah” and turned around again. When I arrived to pick my son up I was second and one mum there, staring at her phone, no eye contact. It was the same last time, literally zero engagement. Is it just not important to anyone else and just not the big milestone for them that it is for me? How do I get chatting when nobody seems interested.

@Translucentwaters

Oh no the village school mums were the nastiest, clickiest mothers I had the unfortunate pleasure of ever meeting. Moved my children to a more urban school and it’s fab. People are in and out and no school mum politics. Kids are kinder too. If you’re a working class, young mum your face won’t fit at a rural village school. I found out the hard way. Their loss.

Many parents have enough going on in their lives without trying to befriend everyone at the school gate. And their children starting school isn’t the biggest thing in their lives.
Smile and say good morning or afternoon etc. but don’t expect to make deep and meaningful connections!

If your definition of rudeness is "staring at her phone without eye contact" then you sound very full-on. I don't think there's anything wrong about being on your phone whilst waiting to pick up your child and NOT making eye contact with a random new parent who happens to arrive at the same time.

You should always be able to manage a hello. Simple as.

Are you looking for friends OP? Because that’s not necessarily what the school gate is for. Some parents are shy, busy or simply, like me, have enough friends. I’m more than happy to have chat when there (not often, as I’m a teacher at the same school), facilitate DC play dates/parties and catch up with school mum/dad acquaintances while there but honestly I barely have time to keep up with my existing friends, let alone new ones!

If there are other parents in your situation, keen to make connections, then it will happen in time. Don’t force it.

Some great advice here

I find the school gate really weird too OP. It's such an odd environment, being thrown together with random people like that.. it's almost as if we're the ones at school again!

I'm in my second year of it and have given up on having mum friends. there's maybe 4-6 parents I chat to regularly; it's all very superficial and lightweight though. If you desperately want more, be one of the heroes and join the PTA; you probably get out what you put in.

Thank you all for such great advice ☺️ I should add that I’m definitely not looking for new friends for me, I do have friends of my own and starting schools not about me, I’d just like some mums I can make polite chit chat with at the gates so it doesn’t feel so awkward and my son gets to see us all setting a good example, I also feel that if I can be part of the school, it might help him to feel part of it. I wasn’t expecting much that day, perhaps just some polite acknowledgement. I guess I was just a bit disheartened by the grunts/ complete ignoring. Anyway, I’ll definitely take a step back and not sweat it so much and see what happens naturally. Thanks everyone!